-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling entranceWay [EW] --

[forevercapslock]

OKAY, I KNOW THIS IS COMPLETELY POINTLESS. THIS TYPING UP SHIT FOR PEOPLE TO SEE THING, I MEAN. MEMOS NEVER WORKED OUT FOR ME BEFORE, EXCEPT TO MAKE ME ARGUE WITH MYSELF ACROSS SPANS OF TEN OR FIFTEEN MINUTES IN SOME SORT OF TEMPORAL CIRCLE-JERK THAT ONLY EVER MADE ME LOOK LIKE A HUGE BULGE-SCRATCHING TOOL WHO HAS NO ONE BUT OTHER ITERATIONS OF HIMSELF TO TALK TO.
BUT I GUESS THAT'S BASICALLY WHAT I AM ANYWAY? SINCE NO ONE IS ACTUALLY READING THIS, IT'S FAIR TO SAY THAT DESPITE THE TEMPORAL LIMITATIONS OF THIS NEANDERTHAL CHAT CLIENT, I'M REALLY JUST TYPING THIS FOR MY OWN BENEFIT SO THAT I DON'T SIT HERE STARING AT A BLANK SCREEN, SCREAMING AND SCREAMING AND FUCKING SCREAMING SOME MORE UNTIL SOMETHING RUPTURES.
ANYWAY, THERE IS ACTUALLY A POINT TO THIS POINTLESS MEMO AND I'M FINALLY GETTING TO THAT. IF YOU ACTUALLY READ ALL OF THIS, HERE IT IS: THE POINT.
I AM GOING TO COME TO YOUR RESPITEBLOCK IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT
I AM GOING TO STAND NEXT TO YOUR HUMAN BED WHILE YOU SLEEP
AND I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FUCKING FACE, EGBERT.










WHY AM I SURPRISED THAT THERE IS NO FUTURE ME CHIMING IN HERE TO TELL ME TO SHUT MY SEED FLAPS? HOW AM I GOING TO KNOW WHEN TO STOP SHOVING MY FOOT DOWN MY OWN WINDTUBE WITHOUT FUTURE ME TO TEXT-WALL ME INTO CONFUSED RAGE UNTIL I BECOME HIM AND COMPLETE THE LOOP BY SCREAMING AT PAST ME?
FUCK, I ACTUALLY MISS FUTURE ME.
YOU'VE DONE IT, UNIVERSE.
YOU'VE WON.

Comments

[forevercapslock]

YOURS IS BRAINDAMAGED AND RANDOMLY SPEWS EXPLETIVES FOR NO APPARENT REASON.

[aquarium_tipper]

excu2e you?
no he ii2n't.
and or doe2 not.
ii'm goiing two pretend you are not 2pewiing hiideou2 liie2 about hiim.

[forevercapslock]

HE IS. I'M NOT SAYING HE'S NOT A WORTHWHILE GUY OR THAT HE ISN'T EXTREME OR WHATEVER, BUT HE REALLY SERIOUSLY IS.

[aquarium_tipper]

what ii2 your deal.
ii thought ii told you not two blatantly mentiion any mental defect2 ii have.
that extend2 two hiim two obviiou2ly.

[forevercapslock]

FINE. OKAY. WHATEVER.
CAPTOR AND OTHER CAPTOR ARE A-OKAY.

[aquarium_tipper]

[Captors make sense to each other, Karkat. Sollux doesn't know what your malfunction was.]

damn riight.
two bad ii want two meet your guy.
2ee what all thii2 hype ii2 about.
maybe iif ii wii2h REALLY FUCKIING HARD.
for a miiracle.
eheheheh or no.

[forevercapslock]

FUCK MIRACLES.

[aquarium_tipper]

well duh.
miiracle2 are make beliieve.
ii'm actually bettiing on the fact that.
liike u2.
they wiill iincrea2e iin number2.
liike we diid.
2econd comiing of the troll plague.
that wa2 the wor2t fuckiing metaphor ii've ever come up wiith.
don't look at iit.

[forevercapslock]

TOO LATE.

[aquarium_tipper]

your couch??
fuck iit.

[forevercapslock]

WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST MY COUCH, CAPTOR?

[aquarium_tipper]

iit ii2 ugly and tacky and probably from the human 60'2.
the thiing ii2 an eye2ore but no one ha2 the heart two tell you.
why can't you 2ee the truth about iit.
are we goiing two have two have an iinterventiion.
(gamzee al2o hiid liike twenty empty piie tiin2 iinbetween the cu2hiion2 and diidn't tell you.)

[forevercapslock]

WELL LUCKY YOU AND THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF THE UNIVERSE, I DON'T HAVE IT HERE.

[aquarium_tipper]

thank jegu2 for 2mall thiing2.
but you know what wiill happen iif you try tu get a new one whiile here.
weeeoo weeeoo
troll cop 2howiing up at your re2piite gate.
for your 2afety obviiou2ly.

[forevercapslock]

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY DECOR CHOICES.
YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK IT. JUST FOR THIS, I'M GETTING THE MOST OBNOXIOUS COUCH THAT HAS EVER EXISTED.
EVER.
IN ANY UNIVERSE.
YOU WILL SHUDDER AT THE IDEA THAT IT COULD EVEN EXIST, LET ALONE GET ANY ACTUAL USE.

[aquarium_tipper]

[what the actual fuck]

no kk plea2e.
you've got two come to your 2en2e2 dude giive up thii2 awful liife2tyle.
thiink of dear 2weet gA.
2he wiill probably diie from poor choiice2 and mii2matched fabriic2.
do iit for her.

[forevercapslock]

SHE ISN'T HERE, IS SHE?

[aquarium_tipper]

unle22 2he ii2 fuckiing hiidiing like a pro?
no.
ii wouldn't wiithhold that iinfo from you.

[forevercapslock]

THEN WHAT SHE WOULD THINK OF MY POTENTIALLY HIDEOUS SOFA DOESN'T MATTER.

[aquarium_tipper]

riight liike liittle mii22 project runway wouldn't be able two 2en2e through tiime and 2pace the horriible mii2deed you had commiit.
kk don't get a hiideou2 2ofa.

[forevercapslock]

IF A HIDEOUS SOFA WILL ACT AS KANAYA BAIT, THEN NO DEAL.

[aquarium_tipper]

couldn't you get 2omethiing that you have two commiit le22 two.
liike a fuckiing lamp.
or 2ome curtaiin2.
you're a 2elfii2h douche iif you make all your friiend2 feel guiilt viia poor fa2hiion choiice2 by a22ociiatiion.

[forevercapslock]

DO YOU REALLY GIVE THIS MUCH OF A SHIT ABOUT THIS?
BECAUSE YOU CAN ALWAYS COME TO MY RESPITEBLOCK AND HELP REDECORATE.
WE'LL LOOK AT FABRIC SWATCHES OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT.
PICK OUT COLORS THAT GO TOGETHER. AND TEXTURES.
IT WILL BE BIFURCATED EYE FOR THE GUY WHO DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT.

ACTUALLY, DO YOU SEE COLORS THE SAME WAY OUT OF EACH OF YOUR EYES?
THE RED-BLUR BIFURCATION DOESN'T SCREW THINGS UP COLOR-WISE, DOES IT?

[aquarium_tipper]

kk my liiteral biifurcated outlook on liife ii2 obviiou2ly a key tool two my 2heer de2iigner 2kiill.
(there wa2 a fabriic joke there.)
the red repre2ent2 keepiing up wiith the trend2 and avoiidiing the pa22e.
the blue ii2 for beiing able two match liike a mother fucker.
2o ye2 ii wiill help you all you had two do wa2 a2k.
ii am 2o proud for thii2 breakthrough.

al2o ii have no iidea iif ii 2ee color2 the 2ame way.
2iince ii cannot compare iit agaiin2t my2elf.
iit'2 iirrelevant though 2iince ii'm a fuckiing geniiu2.

[forevercapslock]

I MEANT MORE LIKE THINGS AREN'T TINTED BLUE OUT OF ONE EYE AND RED OUT OF THE OTHER.