entranceway | Video/Action

[Stan has never been happier with an event. When he appears on the screen he's in full Mr. Mystery garb - fitted suit, fez, unnecessary eye patch, 8-ball cane. It's like he never left home! And he'd be a lot more upset about this event if it weren't for one huge, crucial detail - he woke up with money. Which means everyone woke up with money. ...Which means, naturally, that he's going to try and make all that money his.]

Well, well. [He leans forward on his cane with two hands and glances around conspiratorially, 150% showman swagger.] Would you look at that. Another event. Another weird building in the middle of even weirder woods. A good two hundred dollars burning a hole in your pockets.

[With a flick of his wrist like a magician, Stan produces his new event wallet and turns it sideways so he can open and close it like a puppet, and he makes it talk into his ear in falsetto.

"But Mr. Mystery! Everyone's stuck in the woods with nothing to do and nowhere to go! How will anyone ever spend me?"

That's a great question, Wallet! [With no regard whatsoever for his new wallet friend, he roughly jams it back in his pocket.] Luckily, I have the perfect place for people to spend their completely unearned cash!

[He tosses his cane up and catches it, using it to gesture widely to the gift shop around him.]

Welcome to...THE MYSTERY MANSION! Formerly known as the Mystery Shack and even more formerly known as the Murder Hut! [Stan places a hand over his heart, clearly pretending to be sincere.] My fellow Wonderland refugees, I'm sure you're just as tired of this magic nonsense as I am. So why go off into some spooky, potentially dangerous magical forest when you can satisfy your curiosity right here, without even steppin' out the door?

[Granted, Stan is well aware that the forest of Gravity Falls is not as dangerous as the last forest they all got stuck in, but these rubes don't know that! He'll happily bank on the fears and insecurities of suckers.]

Tours run once an hour, sun-up to sundown, from now until whenever this event ends - $20 a pop. Behold incredible sights never before beheld by your eyes! Wondrous attractions that will leaved you astounded! Bewildered! Befuddled! I can guarantee without a shred of doubt that you've never seen anything like the oddities of my Mystery Museum before, even takin' Wonderland events into account. Don't believe me? Take the tour and see for yourself!

[That's because they're mostly horrible taxidermy abominations that Stan's cobbled together himself.]

And that's not all! There's also a gift shop with all sorts of things you poor folks with your barely workin' closets desperately need! We've got T-shirts, cameras, key-chains, probably a grappling hook or two, bobbleheads, maps, postcards, snowglobes, hats -- we'd be here all day if I listed everything! Buy somethin' for everyone you know so when they get dragged to Wonderland they'll wish they'd gone to the greatest attraction Wonderland's ever forced you to be in!

So come on down to the Mystery Mansion Tours and Gift Shop! [He points his cane right at the camera and grins.] Because you and I both know you don't have anything better to do!

[He smacks the network device with his cane and it crashes to the floor, shutting off. Anyone's welcome to reply via video/text/audio/whatever, or they can skip right to the part where they're handing Stan their money and opt for an Action thread for tours and/or gift shop shenanigans!]