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( the video opens with a pair of bright blue eyes, far more fur than any one creature could need, and a practically thunderous purr. it's not surprising, seeing as Hook has tried about 5 times to set the thing up to record and the damn cat keeps knocking it over. his company is painfully exposed as he scoops up the purring beast and puts it on the floor.

no he's not going to mention or talk about the cat. that's not important, all right? thanks to that bloke with cat fantasies practically all of Wonderland has a cat. that's not what he's trying to talk about.

the pirate looks tired, but anyone that knows him knows that's a 24-7 thing for him. he's been tired since he arrived, months ago. that doesn't seem to be stalling anytime soon. not sleeping doesn't help, but his busywork does, at least a little. busywork for a pirate means making maps, which means... )

Is there a proper map of this place? I haven't spotted one yet. If there's not, I've been considering starting on a draft. It won't do us any good once the place is tits up on these events, but it's not a horrible thing to have on hand.

( he rubs at his forehead, as Dave jumps back up onto his desk and paws at the many pens scattered there. )

I'd ask for a star chart while I was at it, but speaking of things going tits up, the stars here are absolutely mad. I don't remember them being like this when I arrived, does anyone know what happened to them?

( the stars running wild bothers him more than he cares to admit. stars shouldn't move nightly... it's utterly ridiculous. Dave seems to have decided that the first eight times he was put on the floor for messing with the camera were just a cute joke, and tries to nuzzle it with more of those dementedly loud purrs. the pirate sighs and plucks it back off the table to the floor. )

If anyone has experience with cartography, I suppose I'd take the help. Making a map from scratch is difficult.

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[Huh. That's a project James hasn't touched in an embarrassingly long time.]

I might be able to help with the map bit! I've been working on something on and off, but I got a bit distracted by a combination of other projects and getting married.

[Yes, he'll happily shoehorn that into any conversation he can, even with someone who won't remember him.]

If you've got enough takers, I could at least give you a copy of my map of the other side of the mirrors. That one's a bit harder to chart out unless you happen to get stuck over there, and who knows when that'll happen next? It's a work in progress, but it'll be a good head start, I think.

( getting married. does everyone just run about getting hitched in this place? Hook has nothing against marriage (unbelievably, since he's a pirate), he just feels like this is not the place for it.

that said, he knows that's not the right thing to say to a proud man who just got married. )

Congrats, mate. I can see why that'd slow any map making.

( that said, he is enthused about the idea of already made drafts. )

I'll take whatever you care to share. Starting from scratch was a bit of a daunting prospect.

[He and Lily are wedding trendsetters here in Wonderland, and while James understands why it would seem out-of-place in Wonderland, he's been stuck here so long that not getting married felt like a waste of precious time.]

Yeah, it was for me too, at the time. This isn't the first magical building I've ever mapped out though, so that helped a lot.

[If he gets out of this world with his memories in tact, it might not even be the last!]

But sure, I'll gladly pass it along. You'd think Mirror Side would be just a self-explanatory flip of everything that's here, but some locations actually are different and it's fairly easy to get lost over there. That, and once you get outside the grounds don't go as far, and everything outside the mansion on that side is black and white.

( well, if he can understand anything, it's the feeling of wasting precious time. if he were in the same place with his lady, he might have felt the same way. )

You've mapped more than one magical building, have you? Should I ask?

( he's mapped plenty of things but this is admittedly his first that is so adverse to being mapped. not even Neverland had changed about so frequently. )

At least that will make it easy to spot when you're on the wrong side of things, I suppose. ( he's quite curious about the mirror side, any information he gets is appreciated. )

If you want to!

[With the way he's grinning though, Hook's going to get an answer either way.]

At home, my school's in an impossibly large enchanted castle. The staircases move about and there are all sorts of secret passages everywhere, so my mates and I made a map that tracks all the movements. It can even pinpoint where someone is in the castle.

[He looks up and hums a little, remembering the other problem he had trying to make a Wonderland map.]

That was a bit of a snag on this map though. I haven't been able to get the tracking spell to work correctly. I think Wonderland's magic might be interfering with that.

I've never heard of a magical school. That's interesting.

( and he would have very much resented a map that always showed his location... pirates do enjoy their secrecy, even if this one hasn't really done anything nefarious lately. )

Well, an unmagical map would serve me just as well, I think. I'm less concerned with the people trapped here and more with the land itself.

Most people seem to think so.

[Ah, but there's nothing to resent when you're the one holding that map, is there?]

That's fair enough. I'd mostly had hopes that I'd be able to make it show us where the residents are at any given time - you know, the Queen of Hearts, Alice, all them. That, and it's useful for whoever's got the map to see who's coming around the corner. [He shrugs.] That part doesn't seem to work here though, so it doesn't matter much.

Right, that might be useful.

( he hadn't thought about it that way. )

The Queen, she's on the other side of the fence, so to speak, yeah? This "mirror" side?

That's right. Just like all the others, shes notoriously difficult to find, but she pops up now and then. She's slain the Jabberwock a couple of times now.

[Because tragically, James has been in Wonderland long enough to know it was more than once.]

Not that it makes her a decent human being - she's far, far from that. But that's usually when she appears, unless something else is going on.

Good to know that there's one thing Queen of Hearts share.

( this will be his second time meeting one, after all. he considers Cora a friend, ironically, but he's not going to pretend she was a wonderful person, either. )

She seems to me like the most likely to be able to reverse all of this, or at least have more information on this place. No wonder tracking her down is difficult.

I wouldn't know - I've only seen the one, and I think that's more than enough for me.

[He's heard that other worlds have their own Queens of Hearts, but James isn't terribly excited about the idea of meeting any of them. The one in the world has ruined the title for him forever.]

Of course. But just because she could doesn't mean she'd want to. Even if she has the ability or the information, I don't think it's wise to go about trusting her. She'd sooner stab all of us in the back than actually help us.

More than enough for anyone. I confess I don't feel lucky to have known a pair.

( Cora's dead but that doesn't stop people from showing up in Wonderland, apparently. despite her daughters being present, that was more than enough Mills for his liking. perhaps too many. )

I appreciate the warning, but I assure you I'd never make the mistake of trusting ... well, anyone with a crown on their head, frankly, but especially one potentially involved in my confinement here.

Yeah, I can't say I envy you there. But at least there's only one around here?

[At least, for now. So long as on other Queens of Hearts are dragged into this Wonderland. He grins a little at Hook's assurances though. Of course he doesn't trust anyone with a crown - he's a pirate!]

Fair enough. Some people turn up here thinking she's someone who can be reasoned with, but it's good to know you're smarter than that.

( nevermind that he's dating a princess and friends with a king, all right? HE DOESN'T TRUST ROYALS AT ALL, EVER. )

If she could, I'd think people would have managed it by now. I've heard of people trapped here for an extremely long time.

It happens. Longest I've heard so far is five years!

[You know, since he's been in Wonderland that long. He doesn't hold the record, but it's nice to talk about it without an immediate look of pity.]

Five years is nothing compared to three hundred, but I'd rather not be trapped anywhere that long again.

( at least Wonderland is a little bit more hospitable than Neverland... )

Three hundred?

[Wow. And he thought he had it bad.]

Sorry to hear it, mate.

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