entranceway | ▲ 1st Cipher ▲

[The screen boots up, blipping out of focus ever so slightly, as the happy titles for a DRAWING TUTORIAL make their way onto, and occasionally fizzle off, the display. Distantly, this 'tune' can be heard in the background, distorting the music with its impossible, never heightening decibels.]

HOW tO dRaw A ~~T̶̴͝R̶̕͞I̷͜͞͠A̛҉̀Ņ͘͢͞͡G̨Ļ͢͝E̢͜~~

1.) Put THREE DOTS on YOUR PAPER or whatever object YOU'VE CHOSEN TO DEFACE!

B.) DRAW A LINE CONNECTING THE VERTICES!

3.) LAMENT your COMPLETE INABILITY to draw a SINGLE STRAIGHT LINE (Hey! No cheating, I SEE that STRAIGHT EDGE, BUB!)

4.) ADD A DOT AT THE MIDPOINT of the RIGHT and LEFT LINES!

5.) QUESTION WHAT TRULY IS RIGHT AND LEFT when perspective and YOUR LIFE are both ABSOLUTELY MEANINGLESS!

VI.) Use the midpoint to draw an oval YOU CREEPS!

7.) ADD a dot within the oval at wherever you'd like to SUBJECT YOUR JUDGEMENTAL stare first. GO ON, YOU'VE EARNED IT!!

∞.) Fail to realize you just STARTED FOLLOWING THESE INSTRUCTIONS without thought like THE SHEEPLE you are!

--.) -͞-̵̷́͏-̴͜͟͡-҉͡-̸̢͘-͞-̵̷́͏-̴͜͟͡-҉͡-̸̢͘-͞-̵̷́͏-̴͜͟͡-҉͡-̸̢͘

[All at once, the screen flashes with an obscenely bright light, aiming to seer the videos completed after image into the watchers retinas. After all, it's much easier for Bill to enter the minds of people, when they already have his image imprinted somewhere in their brains! The static emits one more alarmingly loud hiss before the picture dissipates entirely.]

E͠M̸͟͝K̡ ̵̢͝ ̧Y̶̡̧K͞ ̴̴ ̵̧̢ ̷̕Z͘͠MY͢͡͡Q̡

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

“-WELL, IF IT ISN'T RICK SANCHEZ! Now HERE's a guy who knows how to PARTY!”

[Bill doesn't even let Rick finish, quickly talking over him.]

“GREAT IDEA! LET'S PLAY THEM ALL TOGETHER!!”

[The video flips over to show several sound bars, amped up to the max and conveniently labeled so rick can SEE not just hear, how badly his ears are getting eradicated by the nonsense Bill proceeds to blast through the speakers at his behest. One track subtly underlying the others sounds suspiciously like the wails of a boy Rick travels with pretty frequenly. It's labeled: Prepubescent Shrieking.]

“UGH, you're right. Talk about a PLANET PRIMADONNA!”

Well shit, someone actually knows who--FUCK!

[He claps his hands over his ears and shoves his communicator away because holy fuck that was sudden. Shit. There's something familiar about this guy. And there's something familiar about some of those shrieky noises. Not just because Rick played the fuck out of the original Pokemon games, either.]

[No, that's...]

[Oh.]

That had b-better be a recording.

[Shit, now he remembers. There was something like this before. Some creepy fuck who never showed his face, talked in codes, knew too much, played the whole "ooh look at me I'm reading your mind!" game, and threatened Morty. Rick never did get his name, but...]

[Is this the same guy?]

"Oh, WHOOPS- Got- heh- GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY THERE!"

[In a show of good faith, Bill temporarily flashes the scene he pulled the audio from on the comm. Doesn't look too recent, now does it, Rick? The 'music' mercifully fades out.]

"NOTHING GETS PAST YOU, eh, SANCHEZ?"

I-If you're pulling shit from my memories the least you could do is render it in something higher quality than a goddamn .avi.

So you're that "loledgy" psychic motherfucker who was here last year, right? Whoopdee-fucking-shit.

[For the barest blink of a second, Bill says nothing, does nothing. This the third person to imply he has done things he can't remember. HE, the OMNISCIENT GOD of KNOWLEDGE, apparently COULDN'T REMEMBER conning half a dozen people and who knows what else! This is a dimension that feeds on memories, If even his own aren't off the table...
Good thing pushing this guy's buttons is a welcome distraction.]

"Yeesh! Never took you for one so concerned with QUALITY. Figured with the REAL THING giving you HD SURROUND-SOUND on a DAILY ALL-ENCOMPASSING BASIS, you'd APPRECIATE the DEPARTURE!"

[Seriously, does that child ever stop screaming?]

"NEXT TIME, I'll MAKE SURE to go with the HIGH-END stuff!"

[I mean, if you WANT him to take it right from the source--]

.avis are inferior to even .mkvs and that's f-f-fucking saying something.

And fuck you, you Pythagorean piece of shit.

"AND the MINDS of MOST MORTALS are INFERIOR TO MINE, BUT YOU DON'T SEE ME COMPLAINING!"

Yeah, g-guys like you allllways say that, and then it turns out that underestimating m-mere mortals turns out to be your hilarious downfall.

"SPOKEN LIKE A GUY WHO'S LIVED IT!”

[I mean let's be real, Rick may still be mortal, but you reach a somewhat special status when you go to Space Jail.]

“Isn't being SURROUNDED by the CONSTANT STUPIDITY exhausting? How often have the MISGUIDED ANTICS of EVERYONE ELSE made things SO MUCH HARDER than they needed to be?”

Oh, oh, is this the part where you make it seem like we're super alike and you can, y-you can totally relate to me, a-a-and I f-fire back with something like, "We're nothing alike!!" but then I like, I quietly think to myself, "But Rick, h-he's right, isn't he, everyone's a fucking idiot and it's exhausting!" and then y-you pick at my brain a bit more until I crack and join some dumbfuck cult and I think oh yeah, I'm friends with Hastur's Nacho, he understands me, w-w-we have an understanding here, and then you turn on me once I've, I've outlived my usefulness and I act all surprised and betrayed while you just, unzip my skin and turn it into the next N-Necronomicon?

Cause hey, y-you know The Claw That Sunders Dimensions tried that with me once and I shot his dick off. Just shot it right off and it f-fell into a black hole. I mean, you'd think an extradimensional motherfucker wouldn't put that much value in his dick but man, he was, uh, he was pretty pissed.

"Heheheha! HeheHEh- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH͐҉A̿ͤ̏H̿̒ͮͣ̀A̽͋̀ͮ!̡ͦ!̈͋͊͊̂̀!!͆!̉ͯͧ͆̅͞"̓͘"

[It's unclear if Bill even hears the whole of that beautiful tirade because three quarters through he can't keep his laughter in check. Making sure to laugh a good few minutes more, on the sheer principle of pissing Rick off, well after the scientist is finished speaking, the triangle wipes a tear of mirth from his eye.]

"Hohh. THIS guy. THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU, SANCHEZ. I don't have to play any MIND GAMES with YOUR head! If you're so AWARE of my MASTERFUL SCHEMES, no being 'SURPRISED' about it later~!"

[Bill blinks, shifting from his casual form to a deeper voiced red-eyed nightmare. He ascends higher into his already ill defined plane.]

"S̠̭͔͞ͅO҉̲̦̱ ̛͕̥̳L͖͙̥̦̝͙̗I̧̘͖̝͔̬̹̱Ṣ͠ͅT̬E̮N͏̼ ̵̞̼̥̰̤͙̺U҉̹̝̰P͍̗̥̮̖͇ Frankly, I could CARE LESS about how much you're "ONTO" me- its REFRESHING, really! No amount of DISLIKING ME changes the fact you NEED me, if you ever want to HOPE to get OUT of this CARD-THEMED SLUM! CONSIDER THIS the part where I let you know I'LL BE WATCHING YOU and YOU'LL say something SNAPPY to REFUTE that fact."

[Okay the laughter is one thing, but whoadamn suddenly the whole mood shifts and even though Rick is watching this guy through a tiny camera on a fake phone, there's the sense of...enormity. Like, whoops, you literally did just piss of Cthulhu.]

[Rick totally isn't scared. Not even a little bit. Yeah.]

Jesus C-Christ, even in the bathroom? Seriously, wh-what the fuck is wrong with you, y-y-you want an eyeful of these scrangly old balls that bad? Wow, wow, okay.

▲ 1st Cipher ▲

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