1 🐻 TEXT.

[accelerate]

[ have you seen a golden streak throughout wonderland? that's barry — the flash — scoping out the place. making sure it's up to snuff and reasonably safe (ha ha, another earth being safe? oh, barry) and searching for (1) the cheshire cat (2) the caterpillar with the hookah and (3) the queen of hearts, he's found himself so disappointed not to find (4) the mad hatter. it's like he's losing this scavenger hunt no one else is playing. ]

[ he makes sure his username is BEARY 🐻 for #reasons no one will ever guess. keeping his tone cheery and upbeat, barry's close to fooling himself that he doesn't feel so empty on the inside and infinitely defeated. ]

Little Barry fell
d
o
w
n
the hole
bumped his head
and idk about my soul tbh jw if I've gone mad here??

Okay, sorry, that wasn't a real question. Siri's not even answering me so I'm guessing it's just not even a good one to ask? What kind of Wonderland doesn't even have Jitters?

Assuming I've gone mad and I'm not going to lose my head, I've decided to come to my wise fish with a specific porpoise. Fish don't go anywhere without one.

I want to know when tea-time is (seriously, guys, I'm really, really, REALLY hungry and I could use some snacks, like high on the sugar, maybe cupcakes with icing, ice-cream in the cone, chocolate ...) and if I'm invited because I kiiiiiiind of waited in the tea-room for like an hour and a half at 6PM — ON THE DOT btw — and no one turned up? Like, come on, I'm a great party guest … even though I'm over a mile high.

What do I have to do to be in the cool kid's club????

Comments

[rosswood]

[Man, this guy really favors his emojis, doesn't he? Eh. Who's Alex to judge.

Actually, no, Alex judges the hell out of other people. But he's also liked the cut of this guy's gib so far. Not that he'd ever admit it.]

in general anything with the word "apocalypse" after it doesn't sound like a good time

[accelerate]

[ emojis make the world a better place. less apocalypses! except for the emoji apocalypse ... ]

So, are you aiming for a place like "Pleasantville"?

Even though I think they're gunning for a smile apocalypse ... How many times can you smile and say everything's okay? Or a perfect apocalypse ...

[rosswood]

i'd rather not take any apocalypses???
there have to be some worlds out there that are completely boring and stupid and nice
honestly i'll take anything

[accelerate]

But would that be an apocalypse of boredom?

[rosswood]

not if it means i get to fucking live.

[oh my god man what is with it with you and emojis]

[accelerate]

[ embrace them. be one with the emoji. ]

Hey, just checking to see what WOULDN'T kill you. Hope there's an xbox wherever you go. You're going to need it.

Good luck, though. Hopefully you'll be able to piggyback on someone and get taken to a whole new world that isn't infested with zombies. I'd recommend Central City, but we have meta-humans and Donald Trump.

Not IN the city. But he's around.

[rosswood]

i'd say it's better than alabama but even alabama didn't have trump
i'll pass
find somewhere nice and quiet
thinking maybe the suburbs

[accelerate]

JW do you know Wisteria Lane? The 'Burbs?

Suburbia: Not as boring as it seems, JS.

[rosswood]

ugh

[Guy's got a point. Regrettably.]

guess your right
just my luck if i end up in some stepford hell

[accelerate]

LBR, Wisteria Lane would be kind of cool? Those houses are nice. The 'Burbs is okay if you move in after Tom Hanks and Princess Leia. Buuuuut you have to think about your luck. Would you be next to Teri Hatcher or Eva Longoria? One is better than the other, dude.

[rosswood]

honestly my standards are low enough that i don't care where i end up as long as no one tries to kill me
which is apparently kind of a stretch
every universe exists technically so
i guess even those are a possibility

[accelerate]

Why does everyone want to kill you? Bad luck? Rob a casino? You a crime boss in reality? That'd be pretty sweet IMO.

I kind of work with the police back home. I miiiiight be able to help you avoid being killed. Or I'd at least be able to help catch your killer. Either way.

[rosswood]

guess i'm just kind of an asshole
or everyone else here is an asshole
both probably

also the fact that i don't like needless bullshit which is like 90% of the world

[accelerate]

But do you like Lady Gaga?

Sorry, not the point. Where are you from anyway? Maybe I've heard of it. But I'm starting to doubt I'll know anything considering I've never heard of a Thedas before.

[rosswood]

lady who

["Poker Face" doesn't hit stores until 2008, and poor Mr. Kralie here is from 2006. He's missed out on so many memes.]

alabama
it's bullshit don't ever go there

[accelerate]

So no Sweet Home Alabama, got it. Guess Reese told it wrong. :(

[ considering barry's only ever travelled to star city to meet oliver queen, he only has the media to rely on for the rest of the world. it seems like it's done him wrong already. but what he does know is lady gaga. and so he attaches a song file: ]

Prepare yourself for Lady Gaga. Your life is going to CHANGE.

POKER FACE.MP3

[rosswood]

[There's a few moments before Barry gets the response. Alex listens to the song in full. And then he hates himself for listening to the song in full.]

what the fuck is this shit

[accelerate]

[ hahaha. ngl, it'd been the expected response from someone like alex. ]

Lady Gaga. A legend in pop music.

[rosswood]

you people need to redefine the term "legend"
pop music is all sell-outs and crowd-caterers