1 🐻 TEXT.

[accelerate]

[ have you seen a golden streak throughout wonderland? that's barry — the flash — scoping out the place. making sure it's up to snuff and reasonably safe (ha ha, another earth being safe? oh, barry) and searching for (1) the cheshire cat (2) the caterpillar with the hookah and (3) the queen of hearts, he's found himself so disappointed not to find (4) the mad hatter. it's like he's losing this scavenger hunt no one else is playing. ]

[ he makes sure his username is BEARY 🐻 for #reasons no one will ever guess. keeping his tone cheery and upbeat, barry's close to fooling himself that he doesn't feel so empty on the inside and infinitely defeated. ]

Little Barry fell
d
o
w
n
the hole
bumped his head
and idk about my soul tbh jw if I've gone mad here??

Okay, sorry, that wasn't a real question. Siri's not even answering me so I'm guessing it's just not even a good one to ask? What kind of Wonderland doesn't even have Jitters?

Assuming I've gone mad and I'm not going to lose my head, I've decided to come to my wise fish with a specific porpoise. Fish don't go anywhere without one.

I want to know when tea-time is (seriously, guys, I'm really, really, REALLY hungry and I could use some snacks, like high on the sugar, maybe cupcakes with icing, ice-cream in the cone, chocolate ...) and if I'm invited because I kiiiiiiind of waited in the tea-room for like an hour and a half at 6PM — ON THE DOT btw — and no one turned up? Like, come on, I'm a great party guest … even though I'm over a mile high.

What do I have to do to be in the cool kid's club????

Comments

[circlejerked]

I've tried long distance relationships, they don't tend to work out. Very sad.

_{["Star-crossed lovers." Barry has no idea.]}

I wouldn't want us to lose our special bond. I feel like we really have something... if you ignore the language barrier.

[accelerate]

The language barrier just makes it better, right?

Every power couple has a barrier they need to overcome, and sometimes it takes 12 seasons to get there. 10 in Ross and Rachel's case, even though I'm noooooot sure I should've used them as an example. Maybe Chandler and Monica? They're awesome ... r.

[circlejerked]

Whichever couple is more likely to live out their happily ever after in a nice house with patterned curtains and a harem is the one to aspire to.

It takes two to learn the language of love. If you're not concerned by the both of us being men, I'm not.

_{[Insert eyebrow waggle here.]}

[accelerate]

It's not very romantic to have a harem, Anders. Monica would never.

Actually, she would. To help her clean up, especially after Joey. Good thinking. I like it when things are clean.

Wait. That makes me Monica and you Chandler. I have to rethink this. Sorry, dude. Raincheck on figuring out who's the ___ to the other's ___?

[circlejerked]

Who wouldn't want a harem? That's a lot of romance to go around. :)

You know, comparing yourself to someone else is a classic sign of insecurity. I'd rather be me and have someone write a ballad about my own epic romance.

[accelerate]

I'm not much of a sharer. Are you telling me already we're breaking up? I mean, we haven't even gone on a break yet.

[ one day these pop references will make sense, anders. ]

[ one day. ]

[circlejerked]

Don't you mean date?

_{[Barry has his work cut out for him. That's a lot of pop culture to catch up on.]}

You never gave me an answer. It doesn't sound like you're interested. If you can't see yourself with someone ignorant of your text-speak, I'll be disappointed but I'll understand.

_{[Somehow he'll get over his disappointment.]}

[accelerate]

I like to play hard to get with my responses. Woo me a little. Give me a few more cupcakes. Butter me up with food, and I'll tell you anything that you want.

Can I see a future with someone who's text ignorant?

Guess you'll have to tune in next week. Bring some muffins. And sausage rolls. And pies. Chicken pie, too.

[ IS THIS GOING TO GO OVER YOUR HEAD, TOO ... ]

[circlejerked]

Anything except where my home world is on your Google Maps?

Tell you what, you give it some thought and I might let you sample some Thedosian delicacies. Until then, try the dining room. I think you'll be satisfied with the meal service.

[accelerate]

[ and anders has just won himself barry's heart. telling him where there's good food? it's almost like he's slipping a ring on his finger. ]

OMG

OMW

You're the best, Anders!

[circlejerked]

Aw, shucks.

_{[All he'd done is point out something this fellow would have found out eventually anyway, but Anders can take a compliment. He can take several compliments.]}

Good luck with your invite to tea or whatever it is you're up to.