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[ooc: tw for body horror/decapitation. set after this. open to fourth walls given this happens the same night as the throne-room party.]

[Peter has no idea how to do this. He's still shaking, hunched in a corner, having tried to contact Bonnie only to get no response, because she's probably just passed out. It's late. He figures no matter what people want to know about this. They deserve to know. He would want to know if someone he cared about here died (ha).

He has seen dead people before. He held his Uncle Ben in his hands while he died. He was there when Captain Stacy took his final breaths, but there is something else- There is something different about stumbling on someone's head detached from their body on the floor after the action is all done in the silence when he only expects to stumble on nothing. It's different to then realize he recognizes who they are, and now he's hunched over his network device, stuck to a corner of his own room.]

If you know Faith, I found her. She died. I'm sorry. Her

She's Her body and head

She's

Her body is in my room right now. I don't know what happened. I mean she was murdered but I don't know how or who. I just found her. Also I didn't clean stuff up down there but there's blood and stuff. [stuff being his own vomit. he still feels sick.]

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[peter blinks abruptly as he stares at her. he doesn't know what to think. his brain has ceased to function. it does that thing where it has too many thoughts and absolutely zero at the same time. she says what she does, and he knows.

it's confirmation. there's truth to the words. there's something she hasn't told him, and it's something to do with him. he reaches his hand up, grabs hold of her arm. his gaze searches, lost, before he finds her own gaze.]

What is it? Cause I don't know what to think.

[ a thousand answers run through bonnie's head. answers formed with words that weren't exactly false, but weren't what he wants right now. certainly not what he needs.

it's simple and still so complicated. pick a thought, blurt it out. hurt him more. ]

You were compelled. To forget something. Something really bad...

[peter's head spins as he grips hold of the sink. his gaze doesn't turn from hers even as he feels the burning in his eyes (he's felt pain, hasn't he? pain without knowing why, pain without-

compelled. mind controlled, he knows what that means)]

What?

What'd I forget? [the desperation seeps through his voice in sharp ways, driven by lack of sleep, by lack of- by lack

and why. why why why why why. why. would he be made to forget it. why didn't she tell him. what is. what.]

[ bonnie's voice is small. quiet. miles away. she doesn't labor in breath or bite her lip. she's selfish, and she doesn't deserve to feel the relief she does when she says it: ]

That I died.

[ her eyes are glued to the floor. ]

[it's like- it's like a storm sinking in through his chest. here he'd been- and she'd been- and he didn't. he stumbles backward a bit. doesn't catch himself this time. he swallows. eyes burn. noise escapes him

it's not human

he's not-]

No.

[the word escapes him all of a sudden.

he would've. should've.

known.]

No, Bonnie. [his expression falters as he stares at her. how long? how long since she died, and here he was worried, and she-] You- Are you okay? I-

[breathe, breathe, breathe.

breathe.]

[ it's hard to catch someone who's stumbling away from you, but bonnie tries. she moves as fast as she can, reaching to try and scoop up under peter's armpit so that her smaller frame can lend him some stability.

god it's the least she can do. ]

I'm OK, I swear. Peter, please...

[ she wishes she'd ever considered having to explain herself to him, but bonnie's left with just his name. ]

[peter tenses hard at her touch and pulls back. he presses his back against the tiled wall of his bathroom. he stares at his own two feet, trying to wrap his head around too many pieces at once and too many questions, because how--

she died, and he didn't know. he had no idea. was she ever going to tell him? why wouldn't she tell him? he doesn't know that he believes her when she says she's okay.]

How did it happen?

[ this time his movement sends her skipping back a few steps, hands up in surrender. ]

I uhm, it's-- I was doing a spell.

[ god, what had happened? why can't bonnie hear her thoughts over the blood rushing in her ears? ]

[it's the first peter has heard of it. he's so new to magic. he hadn't considered the implications or the cost. what had her mirror said all that time ago? he can't wrap his head around the exact words, but the conversation is in the back of his head. his heart thunders in his chest]

What spell? [it had to be a big one if the cost was that high. her life. her precious, beautiful life.]

It was a locator spell, really simple-- like one of the first spells I ever learned.

[ stop wringing your hands, stop getting defensive for no reason. bonnie clears her throat and forces her hands to hang at her sides. ]

We couldn't find Elena, and since Klaus had just got here I had to make sure. I had to know she wasn't taken or something.

[a locator spell. they know now elena was sent back to mystic falls as bonnie had been at one time. they didn't then. he gets being scared and being worried, but so is he. he's worried, scared about her and about what happens when she pushes too hard.

she pushes herself too hard, and for what?]

Did you feel at any time that it was too much? A simple spell shouldn't- [it should not kill her if she's done it before, but this is Wonderland. this is Wonderland's magic against her own.]

It shouldn't have felt the same if it- if it killed you this time. [she died. she died, and he didn't know or he didknow but he was made to forget. what else- what else is there? is there more? more that he forgot, more that he was forced to do. more.]

[ bonnie's eyebrow lifts and her heartbeat picks up. she's afraid too, but it's a dark bramble she's not sure she wants to untangle. ]

Yes-- [ huff ] No! I know what I'm doing.

[ a lie she's learned to believe from herself as personal gospel, even before she inherited the responsibilities of being a bennett witch. ]

It was just a mistake. Wonderland... is strong.

[her initial response even if she changes it to no. peter holds on to that. his jaw locks as his throat closes up. his hands press against the cool tile like it might be able to center him to this moment in time. and he feels it righteous anger on her behalf except who is he fighting against for her?

he's fighting her. the words dart out of him like sharp edges.]

It's not just a mistake. It's your life, and you didn't know what you were doing if it got you killed!

[and it did. it got her killed. she died.]

[ despite the fact that she does it all the time, this version of her wince isn't adorable in its insecurity, but twisted and hurt. bonnie's anger bubbles up against what she sees as peter's doubt in her: she throws her arms out to her sides. ]

It's my life, you're right! And it's the life of a witch, and it's what I have to do to take care of my friends.

[ it hits her, then, that it was never just a simple locator spell at all. but she's this far in, and it's hard to come down from this level of intensity. bonnie's teeth bite into her bottom lip enough to sting before she spews some extra irrationality: ]

I can't take a day off and I can't worry that a spell might backfire in Wonderland. Because then people I care about get hurt, or-- or I'm not there when my boyfriend finds a headless body on the steps of the mansion!

You don't have to sacrifice it to take care of your friends! You deserve to be taken care of too.

[peter flings words back with equal sharpness, meeting her anger with some of his own even as he shifts abruptly at the rest of what she says. his mouth parts, and he- his voice cuts off. there's anger still but there's the pain and the ache too, because he can throw that back around at her. because if they want to argue about responsibility, he will meet her every step of the way.]

And I wasn't there with you when you died. I had no fucking idea. Am I responsible for that like you're somehow responsible for not magically knowing I was going to stumble on a murder? You couldn't have known or expected it. You shouldn't have to! You were having fun. You deserve that too.

[ she tries to jump in when he says it: sacrifice. it's a powerful image in her world of doppelgangers. but she doesn't get the chance, and she's left with her mouth hanging open as she tries to get a word out.

in this tiny bathroom with its cloying air, bonnie's bloodstained boyfriend is trying to help her. and she can't see it through the cloud of wounded pride that's encompassing her. ]

I don't need saving, Peter. I do the saving! Why can't you understand that?

Bonnie, you died doing a spell to look for Elena without thinking about your own safety or your life or you. Not even when the alarm bells went off.

[because he knows they must have. she said yes at first. it didn't happen all at once. it didn't happen suddenly. peter shakes as he presses his back against the wall. his gaze is locked to her own. if he can't get through to her (he doesn't think for a moment he can but it never stops him from trying), she's going to do this again. and again. and again.]

You need saving. You just think it somehow makes you less if you admit it. [and it doesn't. it doesn't.]

It doesn't make me less, it makes me wrong.

[ she hugs herself, arms wrapped around her ribs and squeezing. she's had so many arguments about being a witch, but the real ones weren't about her power at all. they were about how she uses it. that she'll never stop or slow down if doing so risks a life she can't bear to lose. ]

I can't just not try because it's dangerous. Safe doesn't exist for me back home, so... the least I owe my power is to try until it works.

[ or ... doesn't. ]

No. No, it doesn't, Bonnie. [it does not make her wrong. he fights vehemently against the thought, and he knew hew ould not be able to change her mind. change what she has ingrained inside of herself despite how hard he fights against it.] It's more complicated than that, and you know it. There's a difference between trying and getting yourself killed doing it all on your own.

[he's not asking her to not try. he's not asking her to ignore danger and live without facing it, but he doesn't--

he doesn't say anything more on it now. he shifts gears. his head is low as his jaw locks.]

Why didn't you tell me?

[ peter's words do move something within bonnie. it's small, and tenuous, but it keeps her from jumping in to argue again. stays her tongue when she feels the need to have the last word.

the question, though, that makes her look up from the floor at him. ]

We can't let Elena know.

[ we. she'd already punished damon for his choice in a way that makes her skin crawl. no use doing it again. ]

[it's always been true that the three of them had a sort of connection he could not touch. it makes sense. they're from the same world. damon and bonnie's love for elena is endless, intense like a chasm that opens up, and everything else will get sucked up into it. they may not like each other, but they share a common bond which he cannot-- cannot breach.

i have to protect elena no matter what. it's what i do.

no matter the cost to herself. no matter the cost. a memory stolen, a pain which exists without- without context. resentment drags itself up like a beast within him through the fire.

he feels unsteady. the reason he wasn't told, the reason damon compelled him while bonnie likely lay dead (and he saw her corpse there and reacted, and it was taken from him along with whatever the hell else damon made him believe. think. do. he thought she was fine. he came back, and he was so certain she was fine. why.). the reason he was never told. because he can't be trusted to keep a secret, because sparing her that pain was worth more than telling him the truth (because he's on the outside looking in, fighting uselessly). he doesn't blame her for the compulsion. he knows it isn't hers but he still doesn't know what to do with the rest.]

You should tell her before her mirror does.

[his voice is low, strained.]

And you should... go. I want to be alone.

[ wait what just happened? ]

What? Peter--

[ suddenly she prefers the fire. bonnie wants the echo of his anger in this too-small room back. the sting of his logic against her fear. she wants him to keep pushing, like he always does.

this? this is scary. it's the first time she feels the wet warmth of tears crowd along her waterline. ]

Please...

[peter stares into the sink. the writing is still there on the mirror. his stomach twists in a horrible way in response. it's been a long night of no sleep and no food, and he doesn't know if that's influencing his responses now. he just knows he needs- blood on his hands, on his shirt.]

I need to clean up.

[he turns away from her, something shudders over his whole body. his shoulders are tense once it passes]

I don't know what you want me to say. I get it. Couldn't let her know. Damon compelled me. I just need to clean up.

[ it's the shock that makes bonnie too scared to push again. he never speaks like that, at least he's never sounded like this to bonnie.

he's not even stuttering. ]

OK.

[ she turns, and it's a fight to make every step reach outside the door, to close it with an anticlimactic click. it's so robotic in contrast to the way her thoughts are screaming at her to run back. to explain. why is she leaving? why did this happen?

why did she push against wonderland so hard?

why didn't she just tell him?

why did elena go?

why?

she doesn't go to her room. she doesn't even stop until she hits the edge of the forest. ]

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[text][ota]

through the black starless water, and the cold lonely air.

through the black starless water, and the cold lonely air.

through the black starless water, and the cold lonely air.

through the black starless water, and the cold lonely air.

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through the black starless water, and the cold lonely air.

through the black starless water, and the cold lonely air.

through the black starless water, and the cold lonely air.

through the black starless water, and the cold lonely air.

through the black starless water, and the cold lonely air.

through the black starless water, and the cold lonely air.