video } regrets I've had a few but then again too few to mention

[bigbad]

[Canny viewers might recognize the room Spike's sitting in as the office of Angel's Investigation. Spike is, in fact, sitting on a desk, boots banging against the side as he smirks into the cameras.]

Hey, mates. Thought I ought to let you know that Angel's Investigation is under new management. [He jabs a thumb towards himself.] Sure, Angel's all right as a leader, but some people want a bit more brains and a bit less forehead, know what I mean?

[Has anyone agreed to this change in staff? No. Does anyone from Angel's team even know he's here, in Wonderland? Absolutely not. Is that going to stop Spike? Not for a second. It'll make Angel mad, and that's hilarious.]

So come on over for all your mystery solving needs. We take beer and smokes as payment. One thing's sure: with me in charge it'll be a lot more fun getting your mysteries solved. Cheers!

[He salutes and disconnects.]

Comments

video;

[persevere]

You can also just pull beer and cigarettes out of any closet all by yourself. Shouldn't you be asking for favors or something?

video;

[bigbad]

Well, pet, if you're offering.

video;

[persevere]

Ugh, you better not be being gross. And I'm definitely no one's pet.

[Her nose crinkles up.]

Besides, I don't need any mysteries solved so I don't owe you anything.

video;

[bigbad]

Any non- gross favors are just boring.

Besides. [He does his best to look all noble. He mostly looks kind of constipated.] I'm not doing this for the money. [He holds the pose for another half second before cracking and smirking.] I'm doing it because it's funny.

video;

[persevere]

Don't quite your day job and become a stand-up comedian then, because your jokes could use some serious work.

video;

[bigbad]

I should specify: I'm doing it because it's funny for me. Who cares what anyone else thinks.

video;

[persevere]

You just got here and you're already so bored that this is funny? Sorry to say it, but you're screwed.

Until the next event starts, anyway. Those are less boring and more horrible.

video;

[bigbad]

Oh, come on, love, how bad can they be? Bet I've been through worse.

video;

[persevere]

Yeah, that's what I said. But you don't have to take my word for it. You'll figure it out for yourself eventually.

video;

[bigbad]

[He's died twice, if you count when he got turned, and he's had his soul restored. He doubts events can match that last one in terms of sheer agony. He doubts anything can.]

Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I do enjoy a challenge, at least.

video;

[persevere]

Well, you're going to have plenty of those coming your way, don't worry about that.

video;

[bigbad]

What's the worst you've gotten, then?

video;

[persevere]

We literally went to Hell for a long weekend. I wouldn't recommend it.

video;

[bigbad]

You mean this isn't a hell dimension?

video;

[persevere]

Nope. This is Wonderland. You know, like in the book.

So it's a different dimension, but it's not Hell, even if it feels like it sometimes. The main difference here is that sometimes people get to leave.

video;

[bigbad]

People can leave Hell. People can leave just about anywhere if they're properly motivated or maybe just lucky.

video;

[persevere]

Maybe where you're from they can.

[Oh the irony.]

You're gonna need the luck around here. Motivation doesn't have anything to do with it.