entranceway | action/video } from Ace of Spades, the Wonderland blog of Georgia Mason, entry #6

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action/video } from Ace of Spades, the Wonderland blog of Georgia Mason, entry #6

Action

Georgia steps out of the wood, barefoot, ready to make what excuses she needs to and… stops. Dr. Thomas is nowhere in sight, and this definitely isn't the CDC biodome she was in before. Anyone observing would find it hard to recognize her. She looks so different from the girl she was before. Skinny to the point of malnourished, dressed in white, CDC-issued pajamas, her hair, short again at least, thank fuck, is streaked patchy with bleach instead of dyed back to her natural color. And then there are her eyes, clear brown instead of flat and black, unprotected by sunglasses even in the afternoon sunlight, and she's not flinching from the brightness. Still, there's a certain determination to her scowl that's familiar enough, even if the rest is wrong.

A mix of emotions lance through her as she looks around. An initial burst of fear of what they'll do to her if they catch her not where she's supposed to be. Annoyance at the fear. She's Georgia Mason, dammit, being where she's not supposed to be is something she's good at. Relief at the thought that maybe, no matter how impossible it seems, she's somehow managed to escape. Confusion, since people don't just turn around and find themselves escaped from secure facilities.

And over all of those a creeping, almost disturbing sense of familiarity. She knows this place. She didn't seconds before, but all the memories are rushing back to her in a burst of almost confusing intensity. Wonderland. Her heart starts hammering, the impossibility of the situation melting away in the face of a far more important realization. Shaun's here.

She pulls the tiny ceramic gun from her waistband. It fits into her hand like it was made for her, which it likely was, as she stalks purposefully towards the mansion. She misses her fucked up eyes more than she ever thought possible, and more than that, misses her sunglasses. It's so much harder to mask her emotions, to keep herself from looking wide-eyed with the fear still racing through her veins, with her face naked and her eyes so fucking expressive. She marches forward, gun pointed down, but ready to raise it at a moment's notice. She has to get to the mansion. She has to get to Shaun. She has to warn him.

Video

[Georgia doesn't address the network until later, when she's had a chance to clean up. Her hair's dyed back to its usual dark brown. She has a black blazer over a white shirt, a few sizes smaller than she's used to, but they look like her clothes. She has shoes and she's seriously debating sleeping in them. And she has sunglasses, wrapping the world back in its usual comforting monotone and hiding her far too normal eyes. She looks like herself again. She nods as the recording starts.]

My name is Georgia Mason, and I can tell you for a fact that I have never been here before in my life.

[She shakes her head, holding up a hand.]

I have never been here before, and yet I remember everything. I remember space. I remember wizard school. I remember paintball and New Year's parties and writing op-eds that pissed people off and actually starting a print publication.

[It's almost comforting that she feels the same amount of disdain for print. Anything that's the same about her is something to cling to. She takes a deep breath before continuing.]

I remember a lot of things that didn't happen to me. Up to and including, my brother holding a gun to the base of my skull and shooting me before I could turn into a zombie. I know that didn't happen to me because that's not the sort of thing you live through. Those are all things that happened to Georgia Mason and I--

[She smiles shallowly, almost sadly, and forces herself to keep looking at the camera. Not like anyone can see where her eyes are pointing through the sunglasses, but it's important to her that she stays strong.]

I'm the closest thing you're gonna get. I'm a genetically identical clone with 97% of her memories, and how the fuck that can include Wonderland when I didn't remember it at the time of my death is one of many things about this place that will never make sense to me. It's up to you to decide if I still count as her. I don't know how to be anyone else.

[She adjusts her sunglasses, leaning in towards the camera and adds, in an entirely pleasant and matter-of-fact tone:]

Now. Can anyone tell me where the fuck my brother wound up? His stuff's still here, but he's not answering his phone. If Wonderland was seriously enough of an asshole to take him away before I got back, I'm going to start setting things on fire until I get him back.

[She reaches to turn off the camera, then hesitates. Nothing matters as much as finding Shaun, but that doesn't mean nothing else matters. She's Georgia Mason, for better or for worse, and she has a paper to run.]

Until I find him, address all queries about The Shattered Mirror to me. Thank you.

[She cuts the feed. Now she gets to wait. She's held herself together this long. She can manage another week. Fuck she hopes it's not more than a week.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Her eyes flood with tears immediately. She turns her head the other way. Her lip wobbles with the strength it takes to shove it all back inside of her. She understands (and doesn't understand) so much at once, but the basics are clear.

Georgia died. She is dead. Despite Clementine hoping from her stuff left in her room, she is never coming back. The same Georgia who opened up about her death to start with, the same Georgia who decided Clementine was more than survival but could be an intern too, the same Georgia who heard about Carver and insisted- insisted he was wrong about her. The same one who wanted to defeat this place, who didn't want to be trapped here.

She's not trapped here anymore. Isn't she supposed to feel good about it?

She doesn't. It's what- Her stomach twists up nauseously, and she wants to scream. She wants to tear things apart. She mostly ends up standing her, shaking uselessly. She has to stop being angry at dying, at death, at people who die. No one- no one.

The other truth she understands is she still cares about this Georgia even if she doesn't get all the details. She can't. It's beyond her, but a part of Georgia lives on in this new person. In. someone who has her memories. Who are they without them? ]

I'm sorry. No one should be fucked with like they fucked with you. [ She doesn't know how, but they couldn't have asked her. They just did it, and look how they- look what they did to her. Her tiny fists shake. Her eyes flood all over again. ] They hurt you.

[ Another pause, she doesn't care what it makes of her. She doesn't. ] I'm still glad you're here.

Clementine... Clem....

[Oh god. George's eyes water too and before she can even figure out how she's supposed to stop them, the tears are coming for her too. She hates it still, and yet, in this particular case, it might be okay. Showing vulnerability around people you care about is supposed to be okay and show trust and bring people closer, and Clementine's crying too. Georgia swallows, tucking the gun into her waistband and rubbing her palms against her white pajama pants. Fuck. She's no good at this. Clementine deserves someone to be around here that knows how to handle this.

She steps forward, taking to a knee to bring herself to Clementine's height, then awkwardly puts her arms around Clementine.

She can count on one hand the amount of people besides Shaun she's actually hugged willingly. Her parents don't count, since that was always for the cameras. But that's honestly a part of why she's doing this now. There were times when she was a kid and vulnerable and she wanted nothing more than for an adult to hug her and make it all better. Her parents generally wouldn't provide. She's not Clementine's mother, nor does she want to be, but dammit, she can be better than her parents. She can see a child in pain that she cares about and she can get over her own shit and try, at least. Clementine deserves that much.]

I'm still Georgia. I have her DNA and 97% of her memories, and that apparently includes Wonderland. This is a hell of a lot more of a second chance than most people get. I'm... I'm okay.

[As okay as she can possibly be given the circumstances.]

[ Clementine blinks in surprise through the damn flood of tears in her eyes, which spill the moment Georgia wraps her arms around her. She knows how Georgia feels about touch. It's the whole reason she didn't reach out, trying to be comforting to her, and now she's got her arms wrapped around Clementine.

She reaches up after a moment, hoping it's as much a comfort to her as it is to Clementine.

She forces herself not to shake but buries her face against Georgia's shoulder, likely getting her shoulder wet in the process, because the tears have started. And they won't stop. ]

You don't have to be exactly like her.

[ She knows it has to be impossible. This Georgia has been through different shit. She remembers different shit. The Georgia she saw last died. Her fingertips dig into her back, and she can feel how skinny she is, how mistreated she must have been. ]

I still recognize you.

[ That's the important part, isn't it? ]

[She gives a sad, watery smile.]

Even if they'd somehow managed to actually bring me back from a bullet to the brain and a needle filled with pure Kellis-Amberlee in my blood, I wouldn't be exactly like her anymore. The shit I've been through changes you. There's no way it wouldn't have.

[She's told lies. Would the original Georgia have been able to bring herself to do the same in her place? She needed to do it to stay alive, and she needed to stay alive to get to Shaun and protect him from the threat he didn't even know was coming. It probably would have been enough to get original Georgia to compromise her moral stance too.

Probably.]

I know.

[ Clementine says the words into her shoulder, but she does. It doesn't take long to change someone. It's not about time. It's about events in people's lives. It's about the utter shit and hell they're wrought through.

No one can stay the same.

No one should be able to.

Her fingertips dig into Georgia's back (and she thinks of the words she's wanted to hear from all her own changes, from being closer to- to someone she can no longer accept than whoever she used to be). Her heart still aches. She still feels grief. Still. She wants Georgia to know whatever she has done, whatever it means- ]

It's okay that it has.

Thank you.

[Her tone is subdued, but she means it. She rubs Clementine's shoulder softly. She isn't anymore comfortable hugging than ever, but she makes herself not pull away, not while Clementine is clinging like that. Clementine needs this, and no matter how much she's survived, no matter how tough she is... she's still a kid. She should get to be treated like one when she obviously needs it.

Besides, it's possible that George can use the hug too. It has been several months, or alternatively viewed, her entire life. Not including petting Rocket. The scientists were even worse about touch than she was, at least when it came to the resident clone. It's not like she particularly wanted to touch any of them, but having people shy away from you like being a clone is contagious isn't fun either. Even she does need human contact sometimes. It's just that usually it comes exclusively from Shaun, and she hasn't seen him since she was alive.]

Been a fucked up few months. I'll be okay once I find Shaun.

[ Clementine tightens her hold on Georgia briefly when she senses Georgia at least doesn't hate this, when she senses she might be able to use it too. It's speaking about Shawn, which has Clementine pulling back again. Her arms slide down to her sides, and she rubs her face with her fist until it's clean of tears. ]

I think- I think Shaun just got sent back too. [ Her voice is apologetic, because it's clear she must not have been around Shaun in awhile. She must want to see him more than anything. ]

I've been counting down the days. I'm sure he was too. I tried to get a hold of him so we could look for you together, but-

I haven't been able to. His name's still in the contacts. He'll be back.

[George takes advantage of the pause to wipe her own face, wishing yet again that she had her sunglasses. Clementine's words are disheartening but... not unexpected. Not at this point. She wishes she could believe that Shaun just hasn't looked in the right place for her yet. But he'd be looking. He would have found her by now, just like Clementine has. She just nods, trying to keep her heartbreak out of her face. Her mouth is the same emotionless line as always, but her eyes, her horribly normal eyes, they don't hide a damn thing.]

I hope you're right.

[But Wonderland's been too fucking cruel already. She doesn't know if she believes it.]

[ Clementine nods, understanding the difficulty in trusting it. This place isn't something they can control. It's something they have to react to, but at least it's easier to understand than the worlds they're from at least in some ways. She wants to believe she's right too. ]

Wonderland's pretty clear when it comes to that sort of stuff. If someone's things are here and their name is there, they're back in a week.

If they're not, they're gone... or there's a small chance of them coming back in a month. [ Maybe Wonderland could change things up and do something differently this time, but she believes it won't. It can't. Through sheer force of will alone, Georgia and Shaun would make it back to each other. ] Keep an eye on his stuff. It'll remind you he's coming back.

[It's all stuff she knows, but she also knows Wonderland is nothing if not cruel and unpredictable. Considering all she's been through, only to find herself finally out of the CDC and still as far from Shaun as she's ever been, she's having trouble believing the world will ever be fair.

But she still offers Clementine a weak smile.]

I've been waiting this long. I can wait another week.

[It's only killing her a little bit.]

[ Clementine starts to move, because Georgia shouldn't have to be out here in the open like this. She knows how much she values being put together, and she deserves to have a chance to before someone else can stumble on her.

She glances back at her with a worried frown. ]

How long have you been waiting?

Hard to say exactly. They liked keeping me disoriented. But I'd say at least a couple of months, and that's on top of the time I spent dead. The doctor said it had been a little over a year when I woke up. I died in June of 2040, and it was July 2041 when I woke up. I don't think they were lying about that.

[They were lying about a lot of things, but there's not much to gain by telling her a wrong date. Nothing except disorientation, and they were doing a fine job of that anyway.]

...shit.

[ There's that little ball of rage in her chest all over again except it's not really a ball. It's an explosion. They kept her disoriented, underfed, a prisoner. For two. Fucking. Months. Her hand shakes and her jaw locks, but she keeps walking. ]

What the hell were they even trying to do?

[She glances away, fists clenching hard enough that her nails dig into her palms.]

I was to prove they could bring the dead back. But I wasn't the only clone. They made another one who was... less me. If I was the showroom model, she was the street model. The one they wanted Shaun to find. Irresistible bait.

What the fuck?

[ All anger, all exclamation. Her fists shake at her sides. She's angry at the very thought. It's probably what happens when people are heroic. They fight against the bad guys. They make the right choices, and they- they get screwed for it.

You can save someone else or you can save yourself.

Rarely ever both. ]

So they did all this to you to try to force you to- to just screw with Shaun? Those sick fucks.

Something like that. [There's a knot in her stomach. One that won't untangle until she finds Shaun.]

Apparently he's been making trouble.

[She's proud. She never thought she'd be proud of Shaun for pissing off the CDC but he's got them mad enough to start crossing all sorts of ethical lines. He must be doing something right.]

That's why I have to get out. I need to warn him.

Good for him. Sounds like they're psychopathic dicks. Just- I hope he'll be okay.

[ Clementine folds her arms across her chest. Heroes usually aren't, are they? It takes sacrifice. It takes risk. She grabs her own, and she runs like hell. ]

I hope you get the hell out then and get to him.

I hope so too. [She gives Clementine a small smile, weak, but there.] The EIS is working to get me out of there. They gave me a gun.

[She doesn't trust them that much. She has no doubt they have their reasons that aren't entirely altruistic. But they gave her a gun, and they told her Shaun's alive. That buys a hell of a lot more trust than the CDC managed.]

It's good that you have a gun and that someone's trying to get you out even though they've probably got their own shitty motives like I'm sure you've already guessed at.

[ It's way better that she has a chance to get away from the CDC who are treating her like--. It makes Clementine angry to think about. ]

...what is the EIS anyway?

Epidemic Intelligence Service. A lot of people, myself included, have written them off as irrelevant now that there's only one real epidemic to worry about. But they've persisted, and considering how completely fucked up the CDC turned out to be, I guess they are necessary.

[She nods.]

And yes, I have no doubt they want to use me too. But if them using me gets me to Shaun, I can accept it.

[ Those are all very big words that Clementine hasn't really heard before together. EIS. She swallows and then nods. ]

Sounds like they're the better option out of two shitty options, and I hope they get you to Shaun. Can't believe you've been away from him so long. It's bullshit.

[ Clementine stumbles a bit on emotion which she doesn't let herself linger on, and then she opens up the door to an empty room where a closet's at. ] You can get new clothes and stuff here so you don't have to walk around the mansion.

[George nods, stepping into the room.

It's the same usual empty Wonderland room. Empty except for a bed, and doors to the closet and bathroom. It doesn't, by any real means, look like her room in the CDC, except for the emptiness and the white, white walls. And the mirror. The mirror she knows is one way glass, even though she couldn't see through it even back when she had her old eyes. White walls. A one-way mirror, somewhere people could be watching her from and she doesn't even know and she suddenly can't breathe quite right.

She freezes, just inside the doorway, and makes a small, strangled noise.]

[ Clementine's head lifts up immediately, sensing Georgia's panic. Her gaze moves from Georgia to the empty room inside. It must be like something she's seen before, lived before with those terrible fucking scientists, making her and trying to force her to do what they want and not feeding her enough, and-

She breathes in sharply through her anger and her worry, mashing it down somewhere else.

Her voice is firm when she finally speaks but with an edge of concern for what she's going through, for what she's been through. They don't just escape it. It stays like scars, carving them up, turning them into something else. She turns to her, small enough to easily fit into the doorway with her. She walks into the empty room, turning around to look at her. ]

Georgia, hey.

You're in Wonderland.

You're not back there. [ As if to punctuate it, she thinks it, and the room changes into something that looks like it came straight out of a cabin. ] You're here with me.

I know.

[She swallows, blinking as the room reforms around her. Okay. That's... okay. She nods, forcing a weak smile. She doesn't bother claiming she's fine. She's obviously not. But she has to get it together. She has no other choice.]

I know where I am, I just... [She shuts her eyes for a moment, shaking away the memories.] This is a fun new phobia. Great.

[ Clementine walks over to the mirror to turn it around. No one likes mirrors in Wonderland. It's just part of knowing there's someone likely watching on the other side.

She looks back at Georgia and then winces. ]

Is it the white walls? The empty room?

action/video } from Ace of Spades, the Wonderland blog of Georgia Mason, entry #6

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