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Now, I get what you were going for here, but I must say, it’s just not working for me at all. Where’s the music? The entertainment? The escapism? Most people go to a bar to get away from their problems and the mediocrity of their lives, not to be surrounded by another place as equally drab and boring!

[Lucifer is clearly at the bar, and while it’s likely quite lovely and fine, this is The Devil we’re talking about. He’s not satisfied with much that he doesn’t do himself.]

This won’t do at all! Do you even have anyone hooking up in this bar or does everyone walk back to their rooms sad, alone and feeling sorry for themselves? It’s pathetic, really.

[He suddenly appears as if he’s had a revelation of sorts, though honestly he probably started this knowing exactly where he was taking it.]

Never fear, citizens of Wonderland. I’ll make sure you’re all able to partake in some real debauchery very soon.

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_{[Actually, you're... probably onto something with the sad, lonely, and pathetic part, Lucifer. Take away the magic and Wonderland is a pretty pathetic place if you look at it objectively. Fenced in with no taverns, no brothels... What a sad state of affairs, truly.]}

What a generous offer. Thanks for the help.

_{[Here's one mage who can appreciate Mr. Tall, Dark, and Devilish's entrepreneurial spirit.]}

What did you have in mind?

That's me, the most generous creature in the universe.

[l o l]

Definitely a night club. I'm leaning toward the burlesque variety.

I'm sure we can all appreciate a little more fun in our lives.

_{[Anders doesn't necessarily have to get involved in it, but he can still laugh about it! Which he does, amused.

Except... what's a burlesque club supposed to look like, exactly? That's not a word he's heard bandied around a lot in Ferelden. Well, either way, he'll bet it'll prove good for a laugh. All hail Satan, bestower of alcohol-fuelled avoidance strategies and venereal diseases.]}

I can't say I'm familiar, but it sounds like an interesting business venture.

_{[Consider this a thumbs up from this member of the peanut gallery.]}

That's what I'm saying! Everyone here is being such a stick in the mud.

[That's what liquor is for though, dontcha know.]

Lots of high quality liquor. Loud music. Beautiful ladies dancing on a stage while they artfully take their clothes off. Very high quality entertainment, I assure you.

The mud can get pretty thick around here--tensions running high and personalities clashing and all that. _{[Personal experience talking.]} And I imagine the people who put it together will have something to say about having their bar called "drab"...

_{[He trails off, less a criticism than idle speculation. If Lucifer's getting a poor reaction, it could be because he's slinging mud. Whatever float's a fellow's little mud boat.]}

Putting it that way, I'm starting to see the appeal. Where do you plan on acquiring these beautiful women? Not that I'm at all against the idea.

I'm not to blame if they find that an insult. What else would you call it?

[He's terrible.]

Surely there are a few lying around this place that would be easy enough to convince. I could certainly make it worth their while.

_{[Pretty sure that means you're exactly to blame, but sure, all right.]}

Most of the time it doesn't smell like vomit or dog shit. I'd call it an improvement, personally.

_{[Low-end Ferelden establishments would give Lucifer a coronary if the fifth floor bar isn't up to his standards. Not only do many Fereldans favor dogs, modern indoor plumbing is still a long ways off from being a reality.]}

Really. _{[He sounds mildly intrigued by this answer.]} What do you know that the rest of us don't?

Well, that's just disgusting. Arson should really be legal in those circumstances.

[Lucifer no.]

You underestimate the depravity of humans. They all have deep, dark desires they try to hide from others and often themselves. Give them an outlet and some incentive and they usually give in. In the grand scheme of things, flaunting their bodies is tame, harmless and, in my opinion, ought to be encouraged. Some of them even find it liberating, and who can blame them, really.

_{[A light chuckle. To be fair, Lucifer's not entirely wrong.]}

Fire would also be an improvement in some of those cases, it's true.

_{[But without warning, his joking rhetorical question seems to launch the other man on a nihilistic discourse into the inner workings of mankind, sending Anders' eyebrows on a climb up his forehead.]}

Not that I'm disagreeing one way or the other, but is there a reason you're referring to humanity in the third person?

[He would likely say he rarely is.]

Well, because I'm not human, of course.

_{[Not human?

Well, this wouldn't exactly be his first time encountering a non-human in Wonderland, but it's not a common occurrence, certainly not back home where most people who aren't human are either a) easily identifiable or b) bloodthirsty monsters that aren't people at all.]}

No? Is it tactless to follow that up by asking what you are now that we've established what you're not?

Perhaps. Fortunately for you, I simply don't care.

My name is Lucifer Morningstar, also known as the Devil.

_{[That's a relief. Not being allowed a stick to poke the bear with takes the fun out of meeting new people.

As it is, this is the first he's heard of a the Lucifer Morningstar (quite the sonorous mouthful, that.) Anders tilts his head without a drop of comprehension.]}

Sorry, can't say I'm familiar. I'm Anders. It doesn't have quite the same ring to it as "Morningstar."

A pleasure, though I admit it's unusual for someone to have never heard of me.

That well known?

_{[My, aren't we humble.]}

What's your claim to fame other than the catchy name?

_{[Because "the Devil" doesn't quite carry the same weigh to it when you haven't grown up under thousands of years of Christian doctrine. Had Lucifer said he was a demon and religious folk tend to run at the sight of him, that'd make a bit more sense. Thedas has plenty of those running around.]}

Being the ruler of Hell? I'm the villain that parents tell their children stories about so they'll fall in line and avoid being tortured for eternity after they die.

I was on a permanent vacation from that little job, though.

_{[Um...

Bemusement shows through in Anders' expression, unsure of what to make of this. Being He Who Scares The Piss Out of Children would explain the article before Lucifer's title, but there's just one little matter he needs cleared up--]}

Can you point that out on a map?

_{[Because Thedas hasn't gotten the memo about Heaven or Hell. One could argue that the Maker, in all his infinite wisdom, had saved all his best torture tricks for those who yet live.]}

Well, I think I can say this is my first time meeting the retired star of a cautionary tale.

Not exactly. You might also call it the Underworld? It's where the souls of the wicked go after they'd departed the mortal world so that they can be properly punished by yours truly.

[He tilts his head.]

It's quite the honor, if you ask me.

[He means...meeting him. Yep.]

_{[Nope, not ringing any bells. The closest equivalent to the picture Lucifer's painting would be the Chantry's belief that those souls who've fallen out of favor with the Maker are doomed to fall to nothingness. It's not pretty, but at least it's not eternal torment.

One eyebrow climbs higher than the other, though for now he keeps his thoughts to himself.]}

Your world's idea of the afterlife sounds... unpleasant. _{[Understatement of the millennium.]} Remind me not to get on your bad side. That would make you... a god, then? It's an honor, truly.

_{[That's the sort of thing you nod and smile and agree with when meeting a god, probably.]}

Only if you don't follow Daddy's rules. Then you still die horrible, but at least you win eternal bliss. [He smiles.] Or so they say.

[His smirk widens as she shrugs his shoulders.]

Something like that.

_{[Who is this "Daddy"? Maker, has he walked into some kinky role play thing?]}

Er... I can't tell if I should be worried. Thoughts?

_{[Please advise on how much or how little of this he was supposed to have understood.]}

I wouldn't bother. Worrying won't change anything. Better just to have fun while you can and figure the rest out later.

Why do you think I chose to run a bar?

_{[Lucifer can't know just how amusing--and apt--what he says is. Smiling slightly, Anders shakes his head before amending his choice of words.]}

I meant more about you. Most people I've met on your sort of career path tend not to... play well with others.

_{[In that they routinely enjoy killing everyone in sight. Lucifer, though, seems rather well-behaved for some kind of posthumous torturer. And he's a snappy dresser, too.]}

I haven't given much thought to where I'll go when I finally croak. Depending on who you ask, I'm already a walking, talking sin in the eyes of the Maker, anyway. But what made you give up a divine duty for bar-tending? That seems like quite the leap.

Ah, well, I play well with nearly everyone who likes to play, if you catch my drift.

[Killing is something he certainly does not do willy-nilly. Some people deserve it, of course, but people don't tend to die by his hand pretty much ever.]

The Maker? Well that sounds a whole lot like someone else's strange version of God. He's probably as terrible, if they're not the one and the same. [He shrugs a bit.] I guess you could say I got bored of playing a part in my Father's foolish game.

Behave yourself or you'll start smacking bottoms, eh?

_{[Anders considers this thoughtfully with a casual twist of his lips. There's a surreal element to contemplating the divine in a video with an actual divine entity; a part of him thinks he ought to be a little more overcome by all of this. Sweat a little over his small and insignificant place in the universe, at least.

But this Lucifer fellow isn't conjuring up lightning storms and speaking in tongues or anything of the divinely sort. He seems rather... earthly. Not what Anders would have expected for an overseer of wicked souls.]}

I hadn't thought about there being different creator gods out there, but watching over a single universe is probably a full-time job, let alone the hundreds of others. I suppose you just haven't gotten around to damning everyone like our Maker. If you believe the Andrastians, we've already been wicked. We're just trying to get his attention again.

_{[And that concludes Professor Anders' lecture on Religion 101.]}

So if you're one of his children, that makes you... another kind of god?

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