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Now, I get what you were going for here, but I must say, it’s just not working for me at all. Where’s the music? The entertainment? The escapism? Most people go to a bar to get away from their problems and the mediocrity of their lives, not to be surrounded by another place as equally drab and boring!

[Lucifer is clearly at the bar, and while it’s likely quite lovely and fine, this is The Devil we’re talking about. He’s not satisfied with much that he doesn’t do himself.]

This won’t do at all! Do you even have anyone hooking up in this bar or does everyone walk back to their rooms sad, alone and feeling sorry for themselves? It’s pathetic, really.

[He suddenly appears as if he’s had a revelation of sorts, though honestly he probably started this knowing exactly where he was taking it.]

Never fear, citizens of Wonderland. I’ll make sure you’re all able to partake in some real debauchery very soon.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm not to blame if they find that an insult. What else would you call it?

[He's terrible.]

Surely there are a few lying around this place that would be easy enough to convince. I could certainly make it worth their while.

_{[Pretty sure that means you're exactly to blame, but sure, all right.]}

Most of the time it doesn't smell like vomit or dog shit. I'd call it an improvement, personally.

_{[Low-end Ferelden establishments would give Lucifer a coronary if the fifth floor bar isn't up to his standards. Not only do many Fereldans favor dogs, modern indoor plumbing is still a long ways off from being a reality.]}

Really. _{[He sounds mildly intrigued by this answer.]} What do you know that the rest of us don't?

Well, that's just disgusting. Arson should really be legal in those circumstances.

[Lucifer no.]

You underestimate the depravity of humans. They all have deep, dark desires they try to hide from others and often themselves. Give them an outlet and some incentive and they usually give in. In the grand scheme of things, flaunting their bodies is tame, harmless and, in my opinion, ought to be encouraged. Some of them even find it liberating, and who can blame them, really.

_{[A light chuckle. To be fair, Lucifer's not entirely wrong.]}

Fire would also be an improvement in some of those cases, it's true.

_{[But without warning, his joking rhetorical question seems to launch the other man on a nihilistic discourse into the inner workings of mankind, sending Anders' eyebrows on a climb up his forehead.]}

Not that I'm disagreeing one way or the other, but is there a reason you're referring to humanity in the third person?

[He would likely say he rarely is.]

Well, because I'm not human, of course.

_{[Not human?

Well, this wouldn't exactly be his first time encountering a non-human in Wonderland, but it's not a common occurrence, certainly not back home where most people who aren't human are either a) easily identifiable or b) bloodthirsty monsters that aren't people at all.]}

No? Is it tactless to follow that up by asking what you are now that we've established what you're not?

Perhaps. Fortunately for you, I simply don't care.

My name is Lucifer Morningstar, also known as the Devil.

_{[That's a relief. Not being allowed a stick to poke the bear with takes the fun out of meeting new people.

As it is, this is the first he's heard of a the Lucifer Morningstar (quite the sonorous mouthful, that.) Anders tilts his head without a drop of comprehension.]}

Sorry, can't say I'm familiar. I'm Anders. It doesn't have quite the same ring to it as "Morningstar."

A pleasure, though I admit it's unusual for someone to have never heard of me.

That well known?

_{[My, aren't we humble.]}

What's your claim to fame other than the catchy name?

_{[Because "the Devil" doesn't quite carry the same weigh to it when you haven't grown up under thousands of years of Christian doctrine. Had Lucifer said he was a demon and religious folk tend to run at the sight of him, that'd make a bit more sense. Thedas has plenty of those running around.]}

Being the ruler of Hell? I'm the villain that parents tell their children stories about so they'll fall in line and avoid being tortured for eternity after they die.

I was on a permanent vacation from that little job, though.

_{[Um...

Bemusement shows through in Anders' expression, unsure of what to make of this. Being He Who Scares The Piss Out of Children would explain the article before Lucifer's title, but there's just one little matter he needs cleared up--]}

Can you point that out on a map?

_{[Because Thedas hasn't gotten the memo about Heaven or Hell. One could argue that the Maker, in all his infinite wisdom, had saved all his best torture tricks for those who yet live.]}

Well, I think I can say this is my first time meeting the retired star of a cautionary tale.

Not exactly. You might also call it the Underworld? It's where the souls of the wicked go after they'd departed the mortal world so that they can be properly punished by yours truly.

[He tilts his head.]

It's quite the honor, if you ask me.

[He means...meeting him. Yep.]

_{[Nope, not ringing any bells. The closest equivalent to the picture Lucifer's painting would be the Chantry's belief that those souls who've fallen out of favor with the Maker are doomed to fall to nothingness. It's not pretty, but at least it's not eternal torment.

One eyebrow climbs higher than the other, though for now he keeps his thoughts to himself.]}

Your world's idea of the afterlife sounds... unpleasant. _{[Understatement of the millennium.]} Remind me not to get on your bad side. That would make you... a god, then? It's an honor, truly.

_{[That's the sort of thing you nod and smile and agree with when meeting a god, probably.]}

Only if you don't follow Daddy's rules. Then you still die horrible, but at least you win eternal bliss. [He smiles.] Or so they say.

[His smirk widens as she shrugs his shoulders.]

Something like that.

_{[Who is this "Daddy"? Maker, has he walked into some kinky role play thing?]}

Er... I can't tell if I should be worried. Thoughts?

_{[Please advise on how much or how little of this he was supposed to have understood.]}

I wouldn't bother. Worrying won't change anything. Better just to have fun while you can and figure the rest out later.

Why do you think I chose to run a bar?

_{[Lucifer can't know just how amusing--and apt--what he says is. Smiling slightly, Anders shakes his head before amending his choice of words.]}

I meant more about you. Most people I've met on your sort of career path tend not to... play well with others.

_{[In that they routinely enjoy killing everyone in sight. Lucifer, though, seems rather well-behaved for some kind of posthumous torturer. And he's a snappy dresser, too.]}

I haven't given much thought to where I'll go when I finally croak. Depending on who you ask, I'm already a walking, talking sin in the eyes of the Maker, anyway. But what made you give up a divine duty for bar-tending? That seems like quite the leap.

Ah, well, I play well with nearly everyone who likes to play, if you catch my drift.

[Killing is something he certainly does not do willy-nilly. Some people deserve it, of course, but people don't tend to die by his hand pretty much ever.]

The Maker? Well that sounds a whole lot like someone else's strange version of God. He's probably as terrible, if they're not the one and the same. [He shrugs a bit.] I guess you could say I got bored of playing a part in my Father's foolish game.

Behave yourself or you'll start smacking bottoms, eh?

_{[Anders considers this thoughtfully with a casual twist of his lips. There's a surreal element to contemplating the divine in a video with an actual divine entity; a part of him thinks he ought to be a little more overcome by all of this. Sweat a little over his small and insignificant place in the universe, at least.

But this Lucifer fellow isn't conjuring up lightning storms and speaking in tongues or anything of the divinely sort. He seems rather... earthly. Not what Anders would have expected for an overseer of wicked souls.]}

I hadn't thought about there being different creator gods out there, but watching over a single universe is probably a full-time job, let alone the hundreds of others. I suppose you just haven't gotten around to damning everyone like our Maker. If you believe the Andrastians, we've already been wicked. We're just trying to get his attention again.

_{[And that concludes Professor Anders' lecture on Religion 101.]}

So if you're one of his children, that makes you... another kind of god?

[He grins sharply.]

Something like that.

[While he sometimes has difficulty with certain aspects of humanity, his handful of years on earth and his vast extensive knowledge has at least provided him with the ability to somewhat fit in.]

That's an interesting take on it, though it sounds like this Maker of yours and my father might be in agreement on more than anyone would like.

[He tilts his head.]

An angel, actually. Of the Fallen variety.

_{[Anders has seem plenty of mortal men grin that way, and that is not a smile you want to test, let alone with one aspiring to godhood. Remind him not to make this Lucifer demonstrate the skills of his job description.]}

I thought angels were supposed to be good?

_{[Too late, he realizes that might not be the most politically correct choice of words and he makes a sheepish face.]}

Sorry, it's just... you know. Your old career path sounds like a lot of doom and gloom. I thought angels were the happy, benevolent sort.

[He just sort of nods his head in indication that he respects his attempt to control his tongue.

Fortunately, it's insanely hard to actually offend him.]

Well, I was being punished. Thus the whole 'fallen' angel thing. Dear old Dad and I didn't exactly see eye to eye, to say the least. But that doesn't mean I'm not happy. I don't look particularly sad, do I? And I can be quite benevolent when the mood strikes me.

You look... something. Roguishly stubbled?

_{[Anders hums a thoughtful note. The "fallen angel" aspect hadn't meant much to him until now. To him, angels had more or less occupied the same space as pixies or house elves--a cute story for children, no more than that.]}

But show me someone who does get along with their father one hundred percent of the time. Putting a torture device in your hand sounds like a harsh punishment... for everyone involved.

I'll accept roguish.

[It's rather accurate, honestly.]

Fair enough. Most of them don't get banished to a pit of pain and despair, however. Harsh doesn't even begin to cover it.

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