entranceway | [video] Astral Pumpkin

Okay okay okay okay. So I know there's an event coming up and we're all freaking out about it, and it's probably gonna be horrible like usual, but I gotta say this before we get too deep into October. So, you know how Halloween is the best holiday, and October is the best month, and autumn is the best season, and all that? And you know how the best thing about all of those is...

[Dramatic pause.]

Pumpkins, obviously. I was thinking, we definitely need to have a pumpkin chunking competition.

[She grins like a wild person.]

So for the uninitiated, pumpkin chunking is when you build something that can launch things--like a catapult, or a trebuchet, or a giant slingshot, or a cannon, and so on--and then you compete to see how far the thing you built can launch a pumpkin. It's literally the best thing, after Halloween and autumn leaves. Since I figure most people don't really know how to build stuff like that, people could team up. You could have team names and give your pumpkin chunker a name like they do with monster trunks. I mean trucks. The only rules is you can't use anything gas powered--it has to all be mechanical. And you also can't, like, murder people with pumpkins.

And knowing Wonderland, there's probably gonna be some crazy ass shit happening for Halloween, but I figure we can pick a day near then and that's when we have the competition. We can roll out our stuff to the checkerboard hills and launch from there, that way we got wide open space and people won't get hit by flying pumpkins.

[She gives the camera a really eager look.]

Whaddaya guys think?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, well they're pretty much always horrible. Like ninety percent of the time. I've only been here a few months but like, events are always either fun, okay, or horrible, and most of the time it's the last one. I figure it's better to just expect the worst.

Ah hell yeah though! We're definitely gonna need refreshments. Also I figure, if people are on teams, then one person can be the engineer and the others can just help with building or working the machine. That way no one gets left out.

Then I'll put it on a list. Right after I get a list... I figure some people will want alcohol, but I'm thinking that it might be cold enough to have some cider. And then- [ She gasps, her eyes going wide as a thought occurs to her ] I wonder if we can get pumpkin-spice drinks from the closets! Or things to make pumpkin-spice drinks. Or just pumpkin and fall themed drinks... I'll check out some recipes! [ Slow down, Emily. You just arrived. People might already have a set way of doing things. ] I mean, if you think that'd be good, because I'm still really new here.

Um. So... how are the events horrible?

Cider, we absolutely have to have cider. And pumpkin pie and pumpkin-spice stuff, yes. And like Oktoberfest type beer or pumpkin ale for people who want to drink? Pumpkin everything.

[She is so glad that someone else is as enthusiastic about this as she is.]

Oh, they're mostly just like...super traumatic. And murderous. Like it'll be, "oh hey here's a bunch of zombies, now you have to fight them," that kind of thing. Sometimes it's just an event where there's a bunch of snow and you can have snowball fights, but there's only been one of those.

Well. This even- [ Wait. ] This Pumpkin Chuckin is going to make everybody forget about how horrible the events can be! [ Even though Emily still has her doubts about how horrible the events can be. This place is gilded, for God's sake! ]

We should have a tent like a real Oktoberfest. Who... do we talk to about setting one of those up?

Pfft, right, this place has totally ruined the word "event." But hell yeah, that's the idea! Take people's minds off all that junk, with fun and exploding pumpkins.

Dude, that's awesome. Uh...I dunno, I think we can just sorta do it? Just like have a big tent and get beer from the closets. And like--what else do they have at Oktoberfest, pretzels? We can have pretzels. The good ones.

I wonder if there are some that can kind of... set up themselves. Can the closets make things that we aren't sure exist?

[ If not, she's sure she can get somebody to help her set up the tent. If she has to, she'll even do it on her own... ]

IIIIIIII dunno? I think the closets have to be kinda specific. But I bet we could get like, an easy-set-up tent or something. Or there's gotta be like, magic people around who could do it. That Newt guy? I think he can.

[ Newt guy? There's a newt guy?

Magic closets, real fictional characters... Emily isn't sure how she would handle a talking animal. That would be so weird. ]

The... Newt guy. Is he, like, a... newt?

No, he's one of the humans. I guess it's just his name.

Oh! [ Emily can't hide the surprise in her voice. ] That's... cool.

[ And then she realizes how ridiculous this all is and gives a light laugh. ]

Of course, I work for a guy named Vandiveer. Like, that's his real name.

But yeah. Back on point. Punkin' chunkin. Awesome idea. And we're gonna make it even more awesome. Like, stuff of legend awesome. I'm really glad you thought of it!

Haha, Vandiveer? Oh my God, is he a villain? That's totally a villain name. That's like, oh shit, Vandiveer's back and he's gonna blow up the planet this time! Call the, uhhhh, the Justice...Group, I dunno.

Hell yeah, I'm glad so many people are into it. I wasn't sure, I mean, it's kinda like...a really, really silly American thing and there are like, a lot of people here I didn't think would be into that.

[Mostly any aliens and Europeans around.]

I know, right? [ Emily laughs, and laughs a little harder at the villain comment. ] No, he's not smart enough to be a villain. He tried to be Batman's sidekick once by dressing up as Robin and wore the whole rubber outfit under his suit all day.

Oh my gosh! Do you know the Justice League, too? Aren't they great?

And no. There's no way that people couldn't love pumpkin chunkin! None! I mean, it mixes destruction with harmless fun! What's not to love?

Who's Batman?

[They have comic books and such in her world, but all the names are different.]

No, sorry. I was just making up words. Is that a real thing?

I dunno, maybe people who like, hate fun.

[video] Astral Pumpkin

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