entranceway | journal entry #1 [video]

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journal entry #1 [video]

[When the camera turns on, it's focused on an older woman, easily in her late 50's, with short, white curled hair. Her deep blue robes and ornate staff, coupled with her rather serious expression, make her a rather imposing figure. She's holding a blue and silver bound journal, which she seems to be scribbling fervently in until she notices the device is on, and she re-steadies it quickly to give her message.]

I would like to request an audience with whoever seems to have summoned me to their, uhm... lovely home. I understand that there are many who require my attention, but my situation is rather urgent, and I can't spare any time at the moment.

[As the message goes on, she seems increasingly tense, gripping harder to her staff and seemingly obviously distracted.]

Provided this is broadcasting to more than one person, any help would be appreciated.

[Quickly, she reaches out, fumbling with a few buttons before the feed cuts.]

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[Hey, so. Wonderland is the fucking worst.

Though Lup's already seen firsthand that people from the same world can come into this fucked up place from staggeringly different points in time, Magnus aging up a little doesn't compare in the slightest to the shock that twists straight into the elf's gut at the mansion's newest resident. At first glance, Lup would have brushed the newcomer off and gone back to surfing the network for entertainment, but it's Lucretia's familiar voice that hits her over the head first. Then comes the frenzied scribbling and finally that awfully familiar staff at her side.]

Ho. Ly. Shit. Am I being punk'd now or what?

[She sees the screen tick on, sees Lup's face, and immediately drops the device, letting it clatter to the floor as she takes a few shaky steps back, hand clasped over her mouth.

It can't be. It can't be. There are plenty of people in the world who could've seen that face and thought that they might be mistaken, that it could be Taako playing a prank, but Lucretia-- Lucretia, of all people, knows Lup when she sees her. She could never make that mistake. Not with a hundred years together, and then ten apart, from her best friend.

She can feel the tears pricking at her eyes as she retrieves it, kneeling on the ground, staff forgotten at her side.]

It... it can't be.

[Her voice is shaking. She hasn't felt vulnerable like this in so long, and now since the scene in her office just a few minutes ago, everything's still spilling over the edge.]

[And that's all Lup needed to hear, isn't it? It's the only confirmation that she needs to know that this is indeed the Lucretia she knew. The same woman she'd spent a hundred years alongside of, days spent chasing the light of creation across a hundred different worlds, nights spent wearing one another's clothes and laughing. Confiding completely in each other. Drinking wine from the bottle and painting each other's nails. She's the same woman who'd seen Lup at her most vulnerable over the course of their unbelievable journey.

And she's the same woman who's supposedly to blame for her brother not remembering who she is.

Lucretia reacts so openly in front of Lup, shaking with tears prickling at her eyes, but the elf immediately throws up an emotional wall she hasn't had to use against this woman since their journey first began. Her mouth twists into a frown, not nearly as casually as she'd like it to be, before raising her free hand, wiggling her fingers in a wave.]

Sup, Luce. Been awhile, huh? [a beat, Lup's eyes making a point to trail over the older woman's features.] I'm guessing longer for you than me.

[At first, she thinks this must be a joke. Some sort of cruel moment, maybe something cast on her, maybe the Hunger just keeping her suspended so it can finally finish it's work in this plane. She's fought for so long, she's been alone for so long, and now she's just here. Alive.

But she also knows that Lup's movements aren't natural, something's still wrong, but right now she just needs to make sure something here is real.]

Are you here? Please, if you're really-- I need to see you.

[She has to make sure. She doesn't care where this is, doesn't care what could be going on. If she's really alive, wherever she is, it's where Lucretia wants to be.]

[Even if her expression doesn't change, Lup still feels Lucretia's tone rip through her, the other woman's panic squeezing at her heart. It doesn't feel all that long since cycle sixty-six, the year after Lucretia had spent the entire cycle alone, when almost anything she'd say would grab at Lup's heart and crush her. All Lup had wanted to do then was keep Lucretia safe, to make sure she'd never be alone again.

Funny how now, even knowing what she'd done, the same holds true after hearing her desperate tone.]

Yeah, I'm here. [How could she ever deny the woman anything after that? And even with the anger still boiling there under the surface, Lup recognizes that this is her chance for answers. If anyone can fix this, it has to be Lucretia.]

Where are you? Can you get to the entrance? Out front? [Device in hand, Lup's already rising up from where she'd been lounging, peering down at the floor for an easy pair of shoes to slip into.] I can be there in like, ten seconds. Count it off if you don't trust me.

[Finally, this is where Lucretia begins to question; because goodness, she's changed, certainly so, but for Lup... Lup should remember her as she was. When she was someone not quite so broken down by her cause, by the world. She runs the last sentence over and over in her head; if you don't trust me. Sure, she's disagreed with some of Lup's decisions in the past. Absolutely, not every idea the other woman has had have been good ones.

But how long has Lup been here- or how much life did Lup have that Lucretia mistook for death- that would have made her think Lucretia wouldn't trust her?

Maybe she just sounds too desperate. Perhaps it's a folly of not talking face-to-face, of having to communicate through... whatever this thing is. None of it seems to really matter, though, as she starts to move.]

To the mansion? Yes, I can get there. I'll wait in the hall.

[She doesn't quite... disconnect the device, not wanting to lose that connection, however slight, but she doesn't keep it to her face anymore, letting it rest on top of her journal and staff in the crook of her arm as she heads in the doors. She stops, standing there just a few moments before she moves to one of the large side columns, sliding down to sit, knees up.

There's going to be answers, she's sure. But right now, she just needs to see her again. Needs a little more time she thought she'd never have.]

[Lucretia's paranoia isn't completely unfounded, but Lup's comment had been entirely senseless, no real meaning or intent behind it. She was babbling, drawing at words to fill up an awkward space. Though maybe the fact the elf had to do that at all was telling enough that something was very off between them.

Lup nods one last time at Lucretia before she's moving, the device gripped tightly at her side as the she slipped out of her room and followed the increasingly familiar hallways down to the mansion entrance hall in a jog. Funny how just three weeks earlier Lup was poking around every nook and corner of the place, frequently getting lost or forgetting just what floor she was currently on. But already she's adjusted, more than she'd like to admit, the layout all to familiar to her by now.

Entering the main hall, Lup's quick stride finally halts when she catches sight of the woman sitting on the floor, only taking a step or two more before her forward momentum stops. Now in person, not just squinting at the face on the strange communication device she'd been give day one, Lup can just how aged Lucretia appears, every line against her dark skin not matching up with Lup's memory of a much younger woman.

Naturally, Lup's eyes are drawn to the staff at the other woman's side too. Huh. Wonder what that means.]

Soo, twelve seconds? I was pretty close.

[Lup, unlike the rest of their friends, looks the same as she did the day she disappeared. The only thing she's missing is the long red robe she'd left in, which was currently tossed over a chair in her room, and her Umbra Staff, which she'd left behind in her rush to meet Lucretia. Maybe that would be another stupid mistake to add to her growing list, but there's no reason for Lup to think she'd need it.

She may not trust Lucretia as completely as she once did, but she knows she wouldn't attack her.]

Edited (More words) 2017-10-18 20:07 (UTC)

[It should be telling, completely so, that Lucretia isn't writing when Lup arrives. She's shuffled herself so the staff lies on the ground, next to her but not in her grip, and her journal and new communicator are up in her lap, but unopened. Unmoving. She feels suspended, like the world is on pause until Lup arrives.

She looks up when Lup speaks, and they lock eyes for the first time in 10 years.

It's everything she has in her not to start crying.

It doesn't-- it doesn't make any sense, to see her here like this. Looking perfectly like she did in Lucretia's thoughts, more than a result of a naturally long-lived species. She stands immaculate, a statue carved of memory and mistake. Her best friend. The woman who knew her best.

Now standing out of arm's reach. Now... not approaching, like Lucretia hoped, and worry twists again in her gut as it spiderwebs into her veins. Something happened, more than something she can't detect, something she can't even begin to piece together because it hurts too much for her to consider.

She pushes the communicator and her journal off her lap onto the floor, the screen and call forgotten. Lup is here, and she is whole, and she is not smiling.

Something is very, very wrong, and she has a driving, painful suspicion it is her fault.]

Lup.

[It's almost a gasp, barely a word, as she rises to her feet, wanting to close the gap, to reach her, to take her hands and touch her face and press her close, something so, so precious she thought she had lost forever. As it stands, she can't stop herself from a few shaky steps forward, trying to give Lup the opening to also make her approach, to have a reunion she barely let herself dream of.

She shakes her head in disbelief, feeling the tears begin to sting her eyes.]

How... how are you here? How are you...

[Alive, not missing, alive, found, alive, alive, alive, as they stand on either side of what might as well be a bottomless pit, a divide in the world. A hole she may have dug with her own two hands.]

[Naturally, she still knows her best friend all too well. Lup's never been one to pass up an opening like that.

Lucretia calls for her, soft and reverential, gasping Lup's name out like it hasn't been spoken in years. And already Lup's walls drop, her expression twisting sharply, pain all too obviously etched into harsh lines against her impossibly youthful face. Lup's gaze follows Lucretia as the woman rises to her feet, her focus never dropping away. She doesn't take in the new facets of Lucretia that have come to be since she became Madame Director, nor does she stare at the many physical changes to her body that her premature aging was responsible for.

Lup just gazes right into her eyes, searching them frantically, looking for any of the answers that once would have been written there plain as day for her to read. But she sees nothing.]

Lucy. [And finally Lup moves, striding forward with purpose across the Entrance Hall floor, closing the distance between the two women in a few short, quick steps.

The first physical touch between them for Lucretia in over ten years is Lup slapping the other woman across the cheek.

But the second, which follows in the immediate second after her slap, is the elf's arms wrapping tightly around Lucretia's thin shoulders and dragging her close, clutching the other woman more desperately to her than they've ever embraced before. When she finally speaks, beneath the clear venom in her tone, Lucretia, who knows Lup best after a full century of undeniable closeness, would hear the tremble in her voice. An uncharacteristic panic dulling the sharpness of the elf's words.]

What the fuck, Lucretia. [Lup's head drops to the other woman's shoulder, growling right into her robe.] What did you do? Who--Who gave you the right?

[And she hates how easily the tears come now, her limitless rage giving way to her boundless fear, Lup's voice dropping softly into a plead. Lup has never begged for a damn thing in the whole of her two hundred year life, but she's finally desperate enough to try.]

Luce, please please please. He doesn't know who I am. [Her hands twist into the back of Lucretia's blue robe, keeping her pressed there against her, refusing to let the other woman go.] You have to fix this. Please.

Edited 2017-10-21 06:22 (UTC)

[Lup's hand makes contact, and for a moment, Lucretia is absolutely certain she is dead.

Over the years running from the Hunger, there was always conversations between the crew about what might happen if they failed. It wasn't a comfortable topic- nothing about the Hunger ever was- but even if they died in a cycle, it wasn't truly being consumed. Even if they lost to the Hunger in the final moments, there was never enough time to be absorbed and find out what the Hunger actually entailed. There were popular theories, of course, Merle insisting on odd things he'd heard in Parlay, Davenport insisting on there being nothingness. But Lucretia always imagined it would be their worst fears- a torment, meant to break them into servitude, an eternal punishment for eluding what should have been their demise for so many years.

Lup hits her, and she's certain she's lost it all, getting her back only to face this.

But there's no time to process that until Lup pulls her into her arms again, not knowing how to react, body going almost limp until she's crushed under the weight of it. Her arms shake as they drag around her back, and there's nothing she can do to mask her own tears in return.

Of course. Of course, Taako was here, and he hadn't been-- he didn't know. He didn't know her.

She never thought this could happen. She had thought Lup was lost for good, that when he came back it would be painful, but not like this. Not to Lup. Lup leaving had been her breaking point, her push to action, because if she had to confront a Lup who didn't know her, it might have broken her.

One hand moves to the back of Lup's head, gently stroking her hair, standing tall despite this, and she wouldn't move even if she could. Not if it meant going away from her.]

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. There's-- so much has happened, Lup, I did-- it's--

[How could she. How could she ever. She doesn't know if she'll even be able to explain, if Fisher's embrace travels this far, but if she knows Taako, knows her, it's probably past that point. Still, the thoughts slip past her like water, her concentration focused only on the feeling of Lup in her hands one more time.]

I had never meant to hurt you.

[Lup asks for help, outright begs for Lucretia to fix what she's undone, and all the other woman can do is apologize. All she can do is say that the hurt that she caused is unintentional.

For the first time since her arrival into Wonderland, Lup feels herself letting go.

If she wasn't currently inhabiting her body, Lup's lich form would be shaking there in front of Lucretia, sparking with crackling bolts of red electricity, unable to
handle the pressure of having one of her anchors to the world weakened like this. But there in her corporeal form, the woman's knees tremble as she clings to Lucretia, fingers digging roughly into the other woman's back, her forehead pressing hard into her shoulder.

And Lup cries. She sobs, loud and undignified, anguish in every note, finally just letting out all of the hurt that she's been building up for weeks now. Since her arrival, Lup's been more alone here in Wonderland than she's ever felt in her entire life. Even during her time solo on the road searching for her relic, she'd always known her family was waiting with open arms for her to come home. That single fact had always pushed her on forward to finish her mission as quickly as she could, keeping her heart full against the constant loneliness that threatened to engulf her.

Yet here in Wonderland, the family she has doesn't know who she is, don't even fully believe her when she says they know one another. Lucretia's the first of them to recognize her, to know who Lup is, and the elf had so hoped she'd be able to fix this.

But all she has for Lup are apologies and other words that fall empty on the elf's ears. Lucretia's here, fully aware of the hell she's made for Lup, and she can't do a damn thing about it.]

[Lucretia clings to her as she shakes, two sinking ships in an ocean of uncertainty, the hand on the back of her head her only real movement as fingers play through her hair. This isn't the happiness she desired. This isn't the ending she wished for. Losing Lup had been the catalyst for all of this, and if she hadn't really disappeared, if she was just out there somewhere the whole time, lost and wanting, then this was for nothing. Not when she could have just been there. Not when either of them could have stopped being so alone.

She tucks her head over just a bit, pressing her nose and chin into the side of Lup's head, closing her eyes but unable to stop her own tears. She's speaking, still, but with them pressed close it's a confessional, a whisper for only her, almost a prayer to the only god she could care about.]

I thought you were dead. We all- we all thought you were gone. I spent ten years looking, Lup, I'm sorry, it's...

[She hesitates, just a second, but she can't possibly make this worse now. If Lup is going to hate her, if Lup is going to really leave, someone around here should know the truth.]

It's Fisher. I can't-- without it I can't do anything. I never thought this would happen. I never wanted to do this to anyone, but I had to. I had to, to save everyone. I'm so, so sorry.

[The mention of ten years leaves Lup gasping out between sobs, her head tilting into Lucretia's touch, the woman's soft whispers filling up every inch of her thoughts. The elf squeezes her eyes shut and tries to calm her ragged breathing, focusing completely on Lucretia's voice, the familiar brush of her face pressing into Lup's hair. However much she's aged, Lucretia still feels the same like this, her skinny arms wrapped around the elf, keeping her grounded.

Lup had missed her. She'd desperately missed all of her family during her time on the road, but only a handful of weeks had passed between her departure and her popping up into Wonderland. So what the fuck did Lucretia mean by ten damn years?]

Luce, I didn't... What do you mean ten years? I couldn't have been gone that long. I was so close to the gauntlet...-- [But she just never came home, did she? Somewhere between retrieving the gauntlet and actually making it back to the Starblaster, Lup had just disappeared. Presumed dead, apparently. Not even enough of her left for her lich form to drift back to them.

Something awful had happened to her and no one has the answers she needs.

Lup's grip doesn't loosen yet, the woman needing to cling to Lucretia until she can get these stupid sobs of her under control again.]

What happened?

[Even if Lup had tried to let go, Lucretia wouldn't have let her. This is a moment she never even dared herself to dream of, even with the pain it had brought. Just the thought that Lup was still alive, that she could ever get the chance to see her again, was every relief she had needed.

Lucretia is scared of the future, of how the boys will react. But here, she just overwhelmingly needs to talk to her. She needs what she's been missing for so long- her best friend.

She manages to calm her breathing just a bit, enough that she can speak, though she keeps their heads tucked tight, not quite looking her in the eyes.]

You disappeared. You went off to look for the gauntlet and-- I couldn't take it anymore, Lup. What we did to the world, what the Relics did, it-- It was changing us. I had to protect everyone, and without you around, Barry and Taako-- it was too much, Lup. It was all too much.

[She remembers those months in her room so vividly, the careful, precise auditing. How specific she knew she needed to be to get everything right, the surgical cuts to a timeline.]

I knew no one would agree to help me get the relics back, to try again. So I... I fed our mission record to Fisher. It erased everyone's memories of the entire journey, and each other. I gave them-- I gave them kind lives, Lup, and I always intended to bring them back once I had collected the relics. But getting them back on my own was impossible, and I made an organization dedicated to reclaiming these relics, but everyone I sent couldn't resist their power. Fisher, it-- it had a child, and I had to bring on Taako, Magnus, and Merle to help me find and reclaim them. But I couldn't let them know about the mission, or they would have opposed me.

[She takes a shaky breath, words tumbling, so uncoordinated in comparison to her usual thoughtful choice and placement.]

I-- I lost track of Barry early on, I know he's been around as a lich trying to get the boys to remember, he-- he broke in with them, before I came here. And Davenport, he... he was more hurt by forgetting than I thought. I've kept him by my side ever since.

[Lucretia squeezes Lup a little tighter, as some sort of reassurance that the other woman won't break from her arms, or at least if she could hold a minute longer in them.]

Taako came back from collecting your relic with your staff. He said-- he said he only saw a skeleton. I don't know what happened, but I could never find you. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

[However long it's been for Lucretia since she last saw the other woman, Lup can't ignore the soft touch of warmth against her heart at how immediately the woman spills everything. She doesn't know the precautions the other had to take to keep her secrets, doesn't have a real clue of the aching loneliness she's endured since that awful day, but Lup understands the significance of Lucretia opening up so quickly to her.

And even with the betrayal right there, weighted words uttered carefully into her ear, Lup trusts this woman and takes to heart everything Lucretia spills into her.

It's just... so fucking much to take in.

It hurts to know how badly her friends suffered from her disappearance. Of course she'd known no one was going to be happy with her decision, it was why she'd slipped away through the night in the first place. But Lup hadn't meant for it to take as long as it had to track down the gauntlet. She hadn't expected Taako and Barry to suffer so much in her absence. But, but if she never came back...

Lucretia took things into her own hands and tried to fix the wrong they'd made. Lup wonders just what 'kind lives' means coming from Lucretia. What kind of life could any of them have without each other? Their lives were too strongly woven together, knotted threads impossible to separate, the family each of them had always needed. How can you just uproot a hundred years of love and call that a kindness? Was Taako forgetting his twin part of this kind life? Maybe it's selfish on her part, but she'd rather Taako have thought her dead than forgotten her completely.

The mention of Barry being a lich falls right into line with what Angus had mentioned to her, which brings along another crushing wave of guilt upon the elf, another few sobs falling from her as she clutches at Lucretia. At least Taako, Magnus, and Merle were given supposed kind lives from Lucretia. But Barry was cast out alone with the memories he was allowed to keep. Had he kept trying to bring their family together the whole time? Was he still looking for her? Wasting his time searching for someone who'd disappeared completely from the world?

Where the fuck had she gone?

It would probably be more disturbing to literally anyone else to hear about their brother stumbling upon their skeleton, but that's honestly the least disturbing part of this story. Of course she'd died. Burning her corporeal body like that is the only thing that makes sense. The real worry is where did her lich form float off to? The world they'd landed on had seemed normal enough, so very similar to where they'd all come from. It hadn't been filled with magic users powerful enough to fell liches on the regular, at least Lup hadn't seen as much. So. What the fuck.]

So what? Barry broke in with them and called you out on your shit? [Surprisingly, as angry or sarcastic as that could have come out, it's not. Lup just wants to know exactly what happened before Lucretia came here. How close her brother may have been to figuring out the truth.]

Edited 2017-11-06 20:14 (UTC)

[She doesn't let Lup go, even as she shakes out another sob over Barry and her heart feels again like the knife inside it twists. The more Lucretia has to explain herself, the more she has to try and justify what she'd done, the weaker it felt. She had just wanted to fix it. When she was on her own in Cycle 65, she just-- did it. She survived the year and everyone woke up and they could just go on, it was fine. Why couldn't she have done that again? Why did one year turn to two and two to five and five to twenty missing years and a decade in that plane with nothing to show for it but Lup crying in her arms, and the anger in Taako's eyes before she came here, Davenport's shaking voice speaking the first words that weren't his name in ten fucking years.

What choice did she have but to finish, when she returned? All of her plans were in this- she had to see it through. She had to make all of this pain worth it. She had to have made it worth something, after it all.]

He had broken in once earlier in the year. He possessed one of my agents and found out about the child. So... yes, in a sense. He inoculated them and Davenport, but... the Hunger had already arrived. And then I came here.

[Here, in mere- minutes, less than an hour, and she still feels like she's falling.]

I'm sorry, Lup, I did everything I could to keep them safe. I did what I had to to save them. I need you to understand that I never would have done this without purpose. I couldn't stand to see them suffer like that, not when there was something I could do about it.

[All of this is just awful, no matter what good intentions originally laid behind it. Lup has taken all of her dearest friend's explanations in stride, taking the news of their awful future as calmly as possible, but it's the mention of the Hunger arriving that seems to abruptly shatter their reunion to pieces.

Lup pulls away with a start, her hands falling down to grip tightly at the sleeves of Lucretia's robes, but she puts enough distance between them to finally look the other woman in the eyes. She's a mess, eyes pink and her face shining wetly with tears, but more than the pain of losing Taako, the hurt of being lost to the unknown in her future, there's something new there along the sharp lines of Lup's face. She looks startled, like she's caught in disbelief and trying to process Lucretia's words, her mouth falling open.

It feels just as real a slap to the face as the one she'd just given.

Lucretia had led the Hunger right to the very world they'd been trying to save? Right to them? After nearly two years of wallowing in agony over the destruction their relics had wrought, Lucretia had thrown all of that fucking sacrifice away to bring the Biggest Bad straight to the world that had already suffered so much because of them? Lup almost can't believe, refuses to believe it, but the hurt on Lucretia's face, the open and vulnerable way she's looking at Lup tells the elf it's so very real.

And really, it takes all that Lup has not to just deck the other woman right then and there.

Instead she huffs and finally releases Lucretia completely, throwing her hands up in the air over her head and looking more exasperated than anything.] Lucretia! What the fuck! Was bringing the Hunger straight to that plane a part of your stupid plan?

[She doesn't let Lup go gracefully, grabbing helplessly at the other woman until she's out of reach, a few shaky steps making it so Lup actually has to make an effort to get away from her. And god, isn't that the most horrifying thing. Lup isn't just mad at her, she's running. From the person she is, the person she's become, the choices she's made.

Part of her, despite herself, is angry. She's worked hard on this, so fucking hard, spent ten years burning and hurting for this plan. She lost her family. She sacrificed friends. She lost twenty fucking years, so much of her identity, so much of who she was to this. It means something. It has to fucking mean something, and how dare anyone tell her it doesn't. She worked so hard. She worked so hard.]

Not-- Not intentionally. I had to collect the Light. I don't have enough power to shield the plane without it, but I ran out of time. The Hunger found us after only 3 relics had been collected. I-- I had to make sure the boys could get them safely, I ran out of time.

[She was going to do it, too, she was just-- just a few more minutes to finish channeling the power out of the Bell. And she carried nearly all of it here. Will the Hunger follow? Will she have damned them in a year, wherever they are?]

Lup, you knew we couldn't let the relics keep existing like they were. People were dying. We were killing that plane. I couldn't sit by and watch.

[As awful as this revelation is, if Lucretia can't be shaken off, Lup isn't about to push her away. She's sickened with what Lucretia inadvertently brought to that world, because the Hunger will always be so much worse than what they did, but she's not cruel. This woman is one of the few who mean something to Lup. And after losing Taako and Magnus, she's not about to push Lucretia away from her too.

Lup still loves her. No matter what mistakes she's made.

So Lup listens, hands falling to her side, waiting to hear the point that Lucretia is making. Though that doesn't stop her commentary along the way. The elf huffs a little at the mention of three relics alone being enough to alert the Hunger to their presence. Duh!] Of course it did. The strength of the light had to be reduced down to fifteen percent, that's why we split it up into so many pieces in the first place. Barry knew what he was talking about. We weren't playing around.

[It may not have worked exactly as intended, but they never could have foresaw how powerful the relics would become. Everything else though? Had been spot on. It had worked. For two years they hadn't seen a single touch of the Hunger headed their way.]

Don't say that like I did nothing. I know what we brought on them. I fucking know. [As if her dreams still weren't just twisted versions of whole towns burning up because of her gauntlet.]

But Lucretia, I found... I found a vault. Deep down in some awful Dwarven mine. I'd been searching and searching and finally found a place to to hide the gauntlet. Away from the world. Where it's stupid craveability would stay in effect. We could never risk putting them all in the same damn vault, but there are dwarves all over that world. We could find other similar vaults, hide all of them all across the world. And--And it may not be forever, but it could've bought us the time we'd have needed. To starve out the hunger or to come up with a better plan. I just...

[Of course Lucretia hadn't meant to do it, but gods. The Hunger meant the end of everything. There was no coming back from it.]

[She doesn't quite look at Lup as she replies, looking towards the floor just a bit to the left of her but not really looking as her mind reels. She can't-- she can't tell Lup about Phandalin. About her relic and the whole town and... Barry. And Barry leading them to it.

They're still close, but she tucks herself in, finally, hands to her elbows, body tucked tight.]

People still found it, Lup. I still found it. It's-- it's gone now. It can't hurt another city, but... Lup, it was a miracle none of these destroyed the world before we even got to them. Making everyone forget meant that no one was seeking them, or at least not specifically. Finding them became... a fluke. I just...

[Wanted everyone to stop hurting, wanting to stop seeing Barry crying into Taako's shoulder sitting together on the couch with their hands clasped tight, wanted to stop seeing Davenport and Merle's quiet discussions where they tried to run numbers and distract each other and couldn't just live, wanted to stop seeing Magnus and his quiet grief where he'd try to create and come up empty.]

Everyone wanted so badly to really make it a home. And I wanted to give them that life. And I could. I could get the Relics and everyone could have a home. I always intended on bringing them back. I always wanted to bring them home, Lup. I just had to make it a place worth living, first.

[There's certainly some details missing, but even without the full story, it's enough. And from where she was standing, Lucretia would be able to see the very moment when the heavy weight of her words reach Lup, when the hope the elf been clinging so tightly to is finally taken away from her.

Maybe it had been foolish, but Lup had put everything into her plan, had ripped herself away from her own family just to see to it that her relic was locked away. To make certain that no one else would ever fall victim to her creation ever again. But it was still found. And Lucretia makes it sound like it had been as simple as anything, like all anyone had to do was walk down into the mines and grab it out. So everything she'd worked towards was all for nothing. Her painful disappearance into the night had all been a waste.

It's difficult for her to swallow, the greatness of her failure. Lup doesn't burst into tears again, but she slumps briefly before just plopping to the ground, suddenly looking so tired, a shadow of the bright, energetic young woman she'd been. It had all been pointless. All of it. She hadn't saved anyone and she'd lost everything because of it. What a waste.

Lucretia's still talking, but it's hard for Lup to focus on her words with this new weight pressing into her. At least Lucretia had stepped forward to collect her relic when no one else could. Maybe the other woman's plan had more merit to it than Lup had previously considered.]

I know. [And she does. She's too exhausted to be upset with Lucretia any longer. Besides, she knows this woman, knows the goodness of her heart.] I know, Luce. Shit just got away from you. I get it.

[This is killing her, more than anything that's ever happened. She set out on this mission to rid everyone of this pain, of the crushing weight of the relics, and here she was giving it back. Beating Lup down with the knowledge because she wanted to be right. Because she wanted to be justice, the savior, saint Lucretia, Lucretia with the mouth of god, Lucretia with a fist of bone. And what is she now? A weapon? A monster? Another thing, standing between them and happiness.

Lucretia had spent the better part of the last 10 years thinking about consequences. When they would come for her, when truth would pull at her robes and reveal her, the empress without clothes. But this is palpable. This is a tangible moment, a final strike for the nights she spent lonely, for years of struggle for nothing. Nothing if Lup is broken. Nothing if her family is destroyed forever because of her.

She slips down next to Lup, shoulders touching, wanting desperately to deserve to hold her hand.]

It did take me... a long time. Years, to regain even my relic. Finding yours wasn't easy.

[It was the first one she looked for, in the hope beyond hopes that Lup would be with it. But all she found was Taako and her staff.

It wasn't enough.]

I'm sorry, Lup. In the end, I... I failed, too. I had to ask for help. I couldn't save everyone. I hurt-- good people, trying to protect everyone. I wasn't strong enough.

[In her isolation, up on the second moon, her own star in a sea of night, pulled out of the constellation and reshaping the sky.

She's quiet, struggling for words.]

I missed you. I missed you more than anything.

[For the briefest of moments, Lup remains there only in body, the girl on fire, forever burning alive in her guilt.

She doesn't even notice Lucretia's on the ground next to her until the other woman is telling her how much she had been missed. She feels so disconnected from Lucretia's truth. For Lup, she hadn't even been gone long enough to be missed. But for Lucretia, she'd been missing for years upon years, disappearing without a trace, leaving only her relic behind.

Had the gauntlet been powerful enough to destroy her lich form? Had she gone to retrieve her relic and ended up killed twice over instead? The most pointless of deaths. How different would things have gone if she'd just brought Taako or Barry along with her? Would none of this had happened? Would her friends have been spared of losing their memories? Would Lucretia have been spared of having to do all of this on her own?

Her tongue feels heavy, words lodged painfully in her throat.] Never meant to be gone long.

[One more mistake to add to the list. One more mistake she left for someone else to clean up.]

It doesn't matter. [It does. Everything matters too much, but Lup scrubs the last remaining tears off of her cheeks and sighs, leaning back on her heels. She's fine. She's fine.] Wonderland's decided to drag you into this whole mess, so whatever is happening back there is on hold. Can't spend time worrying about that when there's shit to do here. [Like kicking Taako's ass into remembering her. That's first.] This place has everything you need. Rooms are all on the upper floors, just pick an empty one and go wild.

[a pause, Lup just working to even out her breathing, finally meeting the other woman's gaze.] But y'know, you can come back to mine and hang with me for awhile. Wouldn't mind the company. [Which is the closest Lup will come to saying she's been lonely.]

Edited 2017-11-30 23:41 (UTC)

It wasn't your fault.

[She's sure of it. She doesn't know the full circumstance, but she-- she knows. She thought it would only take her a year to get the relics back. She knew how each of them worked, and being the only one with knowledge of them, along with previous intel about where they were last seen, should have made it easy. But the longer it took, the worse it got. The more she lost all control, until she lost her 20 years in Wonderland. She had been so close then, she thought, so fucking close, all for nothing.

She knows something about the destructions of best-laid plans.

Lucretia can't smile, really, with everything that's gone on. But if Lup doesn't turn her away, if Lup wants her, she will never send her off alone. She slides her hand across the floor, lightly intertwining their fingers.]

Lup, I've missed you for so long. I could never turn you away now.

[Somewhere quieter, for the two of them. She has no doubt the discussion will continue eventually, but all her aching heart wants is to be home.

At least now she has it here.]

[Everything is still too heavy on her slight shoulders, but Lup allows Lucretia to twine their fingers together, her own squeezing lightly against the other woman's. No matter what happened or how much time has passed for one of them, Lucretia's back here with her and Lup couldn't ever turn her away either. Not now, not ever.]

Hella. [It isn't full of her usual spark, but she'll get there again. They can both come back from this and fix whatever lingering hurt remains between them. Lup just needs a little extra time to shake something this big off of her. Losing Taako has been the only thing on her mind since she arrived. Finally having an answer for why he didn't remember her was both a relief and just more added worry.]

C'mon, let's bounce. [Still holding Lucretia's hand, Lup pushes herself up off of the ground and helps her friend to her feet.] You can crash with me as long as you want.

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