say it ain't so (video)

[livemoore]

[ When Liv appears on the screen, she's in a nice off-white sweater with a hint of gold sparkle to it, full face of makeup and nervously smiling. She gives a wave, then lets out a breath she's been holding. ]

I have a confession. And some of you know. Some of you who know me don't know, and everyone else...

[ She pauses, looking down a little. Is this the right thing? Hell if she knows. It's not like she's in a place the size of Seattle. Maybe now's the time to just come clean. ]

The rest of you don't need to know but uh...at this point if someone found out by word of mouth I feel like it'd suck more, so.

My name is Liv. I've been living here since the summer. And...I'm a zombie.

[ She pauses for a beat. ]

Obviously from a different zombie world than the rest of you. I'll answer your questions now: Yes, I eat what you think I eat but the closet provides it for me. I only act like the maniac you'd expect when I'm hurt unexpectedly and then I'm super strong and just kind of...grunty. But I can help, I do help. I've saved people. I've died here. Yes, I'm technically dead right now, but I still look great?

I guess those are the hard-hitting questions. If you have any others I'll be here to answer them.

Please don't try to kill me. I'll just come back.

So I guess that's it. Now you all know, and I can breathe easier. Ish. Well, not breathe. Whatever, you know what I mean.

Comments

[slapfight]

Of course I do. Are you defective like he is?

[Just... come out with it, Peri.]

[livemoore]

...Defective? I mean, I'm dead so if you can elaborate on what you mean by 'defective' I'd appreciate it.

[slapfight]

You're not like the other zombies we've seen.

[a beat]

Oh, don't worry. I don't mean it as an insult. Clearly, in this case, being defective is an improvement over the standard model.

[Peridot...]

[livemoore]

Oh! Right, I mean, okay. I work with a scientist who talks like that at home.

[ Sometimes it takes a second for her to catch up to him, too. ]

I get you, now. I don't know what makes my particular brand of zombie so unique. Or how we...got so lucky?

[ She asks that as a question because is she lucky? Anyone who's a zombie by default can't be considered lucky, right? ]

[slapfight]

There's probably some evolutionary precedent to it, but I don't know all that much about organic life. Gems are way more straightforward than all of this.

[livemoore]

I don't know much about it either. Or about...gems. Do you think something like this could ever happen where you're from?

[slapfight]

Not on Homeworld, but there are plenty of corrupted gems on Earth. They're kind of like normal zombies, so if a gem can turn into something of pure instinct, maybe the converse is true of zombies. [At least she's learned enough not to say corruptions are mindless, but the zombie comparison is too accurate to resist.]

Either way, it's all new information. We should be celebrating this!

[livemoore]

Celebrating...what, me? The zombie thing?

[ This is the last reaction she expected??? Is she even interpreting this right?????????? ]

[slapfight]

The fact that zombies are more nuanced than we expected?

[she says it in the key of "duh," but let's be real here, she's a giant nerd and not everyone can follow her line of thought.]

[livemoore]

Oh! Right. Well, maybe not all zombies. I mean, out of all the zombie events we've had here, there's never been zombies like me, right?

[ She has no idea if Peridot has been here longer than she has or seen things outside of Wonderland, so she asks the question, just to be sure. ]

[slapfight]

Yes! That's the point! You and R are exceptions to a rule we've seen played out a hundred times. It's fascinating.

[livemoore]

So, uh...what do we do with that information? Anything? Just sit on it and think about how extraordinary it is every now and then?

[slapfight]

Well, if people were reasonable, it would force them to consider their approach to beings like you and R

[livemoore]

Well. You'd have to find all the reasonable people first.

[ She pauses, going out on a limb. ]

Are you a science type? I mean, you ask questions like you might have some kind of scientific background.

[slapfight]

I'm a k- [NOPE not starting that argument again] Hngh. I'm a technician, but part of my job was compiling data, improving systems, and taking note of the unique properties of planets and lifeforms.

[livemoore]

I know it probably wouldn't matter here since one I go home I wouldn't remember, but I was wondering if maybe some science-minded people would possibly be able to figure out a cure using me as a guide. Mostly because Wonderland likes to use our worlds against us to hurt other people. If they brought a bunch of zombies here from my world, what are the odds that mysteriously, the closets wouldn't give any brains at all?

[ That's what she worries about, that zombies would be brought in just at the starving point, knowing what's about to happen to them if they don't eat soon. ]

It's...if we don't eat, that's when we turn into your classic horror movie zombie. And there's no coming back from it once we do, no matter how much we eat.