-- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling entranceWay[EW] -- (??)

[aquarium_tipper]

[Ah yes, Wonderland gives us an unintentional video today as Sollux enters the kitchen. He's got a very serious gaming marathon going on which has led to the inevitable -- A HUNGER THAT NO CLOSET FOOD CAN SATISFY. This kid needs nerd food. He walks over to the oven and looks down at it.]

Okay I need a fuck ton of bagel biteth.

[The oven pops out a serving of the things. Sollux is not amused.]

No, I thaid gimmie a tonne.

[Of course there's no actually way of knowing if he says 'ton' as opposed to 'tonne', but we'll have to give it the benefit of the doubt. As you know, the mansion does, as it proceeds to generously present the troll with a tidal wave metric ton of pizza flavored bagels. That's like 45,545 of the things, son.]




JEGUTH. [And then the camera politely shuts off.]

Comments

[Text]

[aquarium_tipper]

[In the case of Sollux Captor, suspect extraordinaire? He does give the communicator a look, though that's possibly for calling him a failure.]

ugh.
ha ha ha hell no.
or ii could not.
2eeiing a2 ii have the 2iituatiion under control.
liike a bo22.

[He lies like a rug. It does make him a little more torn on the situation though. Does he make an instinctual pile of pizza or just grab what he needs and pretend this so wasn't him?]

[Text]

[canyouseeme]

Obviously you do.

I mean, if it was me, I wouldn't be sarcastically texting people if I didn't have the situation under control. Just imagine standing there among mounds bagel bites, tiny cube-shaped pepperoni pieces stuck in your hair, taking the time to respond to random antagonistic strangers on the network while the grease stains set into your shirt.

That would just be crazy.

[Text]

[aquarium_tipper]

[As if suspecting something cliche and dramatic, Sollux slowly looks over to the kitchen's door. In fact, he checks twice out of compulsion. Nothing.

He's got two theories. Either 1) Someone on the network is a huge canoe of douche and is hacking him somehow. Or 2) The oven and/or bagel bites are both sentient and douchey. He just...kind of floats out of the bagel pile in case of sentient food emergency. And maybe runs his hand through his hair just in ca--oh god tiny cubed psuedomeat pieces really are in his hair!]

2ee exactly that.
not that anyone a2ked for your conveniient or hiighly detaiiled 2enariio.
but that ii2 what a total 2ociially iinept lo2er would be doiing.
iin2tead of 2omethiing productiive.
biig fla2hy me22age two the network.
hey biitche2 ii'm a cool kiid who ha2 more half-a22ed unfrozen breaded chee2e ciircle2 than jegu2.
party at my place!!
or 2omethiing equally contriived.

[Action]

[canyouseeme]

[Seeing the way Sollux is side-eying the Bagel Bites, he laughs.]

Oh, this will be fun.

[Jack positions himself a good distance behind Sollux's back. When he's certain the troll isn't watching, he snatches a bagel bite off of the floor. It refreezes almost instantly in Jack's fingertips, and the next minute it's flying through the air on a collision course with the back of Sollux's head.]

[Action]

[aquarium_tipper]

[Sollux has busied himself in lamenting the fact that everything is ...tomatoey and starting to stick in at least two uncomfortable ways WHEN OUT OF NOWHERE---]

W-what?!

[He turns abruptly and on guard. The frozen mini bagel is surprisingly easy to find among the thousands of others, all things considered, since it looks like it's come from the friggen tundra. Sollux looks up at the ceiling, and may or may not sound a little panicky.]

No, no! I don't fucking want anymore I thwear tu god! Not even uncooked! I regret everything.

Re: [Action]

[canyouseeme]

[Jack is briefly incapacitated by the fact that he is literally on the floor laughing. Once he's regained at least enough composure to operate his limbs again, he bounces back up and begins the next phase. Once again out of Sollux's field of vision, he stashes a bunch of the bagel bites in his hoodie's pocket, effectively rendering them invisible as well. He then flies up to the ceiling and begins to write in big tomato-sauce letters.]

I AM PIZZA LORD
YOUR RECKLESSNESS HAS SUMMONED ME
FEAR ME MORTAL

[For good measure, Jack drops a couple more frozen Bagel Bites on his head.]

Haha, bombs away!