-- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling entranceWay[EW] -- (??)

[aquarium_tipper]

[Ah yes, Wonderland gives us an unintentional video today as Sollux enters the kitchen. He's got a very serious gaming marathon going on which has led to the inevitable -- A HUNGER THAT NO CLOSET FOOD CAN SATISFY. This kid needs nerd food. He walks over to the oven and looks down at it.]

Okay I need a fuck ton of bagel biteth.

[The oven pops out a serving of the things. Sollux is not amused.]

No, I thaid gimmie a tonne.

[Of course there's no actually way of knowing if he says 'ton' as opposed to 'tonne', but we'll have to give it the benefit of the doubt. As you know, the mansion does, as it proceeds to generously present the troll with a tidal wave metric ton of pizza flavored bagels. That's like 45,545 of the things, son.]




JEGUTH. [And then the camera politely shuts off.]

Comments

[hamburellakind]

are you dead?

[aquarium_tipper]

ye2.
ii am dead.
and talkiing two you from proce22ed lunch and breakfa2t amalgamatiion hell.
22pooky.

ugh.
ii thiink ii am really there.
everythiing ii2 2o.
chee2ey.

[hamburellakind]

i am glad you are alive enough to respond sarcastically to me.

[Everyone is dying too much as it is.]

[aquarium_tipper]

eheheheh.
two be faiir ii have been known two giive exceediingly 2arca2tiic re2pon2e2 iimmediiately priior two death.
but now ii2 not that tiime.
do you want 2ome fuckiing bagel biite2.
ii've got liike twenty god damned fuckba2ket2 full.
a troll can't even horde all of thii2.

[hamburellakind]

you don't want a cheesy pile for feelings jams?
i'm surprised.
but ok i will come eat a fuckbasket.

[aquarium_tipper]

ii wa2 about two poiint out that thii2 2hiit ii2 grea2y and unplea2ant.
but how the fuck can ii deny a chee2y feeliing2 jam.
god ii hate you.
ii wonder how long iit take2 food two rot iin a 2ylladex.

[hamburellakind]

dude, don't throw the hate word around like it's no big deal.
i am not some hussie to be tossed from troll to troll.

[Text -> Action]

[canyouseeme]

This is hands down the greatest thing I've seen on the network yet. Bravo.

[Jack, completely unable to contain his laughter, heads down to the kitchen to see what non-televised havoc might ensue next. Invisible and inaudible, he perches himself on a table above the snack food tidal wave. And continues to laugh. A lot.]

[Text -> Action]

[aquarium_tipper]

fuckiing fanta2tiic that.
there ii2 nothiing more ii love two do than 2erviice the general publiic.
be iit by way of amu2ement.
or feediing every fuckiing thiird world country.

[Sollux in the meanwhile is just finally surfacing from the sea of bagels and shitty pepperoni pieces, because yes, his priorities do say that text and sarcasm come before freeing himself. He looks around to survey the damage, and obviously thinks he's still alone.

He shoots an accusatory glare at the oven.]

What do I even DO with all thith?




[The oven says nothing, for it is inanimate.]

[Text]

[canyouseeme]

You should build a fort out of those. Declare yourself sovereign ruler of miniature pizza and failure.

[It's nonspecific enough that it could have been made in response to Sollux's text response, or it could have been in response to his question. Jack thinks this will be an interesting experiment in people watching: How long until paranoia kicks in?]

[Text]

[aquarium_tipper]

[In the case of Sollux Captor, suspect extraordinaire? He does give the communicator a look, though that's possibly for calling him a failure.]

ugh.
ha ha ha hell no.
or ii could not.
2eeiing a2 ii have the 2iituatiion under control.
liike a bo22.

[He lies like a rug. It does make him a little more torn on the situation though. Does he make an instinctual pile of pizza or just grab what he needs and pretend this so wasn't him?]

[Text]

[canyouseeme]

Obviously you do.

I mean, if it was me, I wouldn't be sarcastically texting people if I didn't have the situation under control. Just imagine standing there among mounds bagel bites, tiny cube-shaped pepperoni pieces stuck in your hair, taking the time to respond to random antagonistic strangers on the network while the grease stains set into your shirt.

That would just be crazy.

[Text]

[aquarium_tipper]

[As if suspecting something cliche and dramatic, Sollux slowly looks over to the kitchen's door. In fact, he checks twice out of compulsion. Nothing.

He's got two theories. Either 1) Someone on the network is a huge canoe of douche and is hacking him somehow. Or 2) The oven and/or bagel bites are both sentient and douchey. He just...kind of floats out of the bagel pile in case of sentient food emergency. And maybe runs his hand through his hair just in ca--oh god tiny cubed psuedomeat pieces really are in his hair!]

2ee exactly that.
not that anyone a2ked for your conveniient or hiighly detaiiled 2enariio.
but that ii2 what a total 2ociially iinept lo2er would be doiing.
iin2tead of 2omethiing productiive.
biig fla2hy me22age two the network.
hey biitche2 ii'm a cool kiid who ha2 more half-a22ed unfrozen breaded chee2e ciircle2 than jegu2.
party at my place!!
or 2omethiing equally contriived.

video;

[last_liar]

...If you aren't going to eat all of those, can I have some?

video;

[aquarium_tipper]

[A blank look.]

Na man. I'm going tu eat every thingle one after I organithe them intu the categorieth of "thith thhit hath been on the floor" tu "thith thhit hath REALLY been on the fucking floor."

video;

[last_liar]

Minato will still eat them.

[He's 98.6% sure.]

video;

[aquarium_tipper]

I don't know if that maketh me feel imprethhed or dithguthted. I honethtly don't care, either. Ith not like I'm going tu label every thingle one ath mine.

Are you trying tu get him a prethent or thomething?

video;

[last_liar]

No, it's not that. I just should probably stop feeding him instant ramen.

video;

[aquarium_tipper]

If I knew anything about nutritional value I would probably agree with you, but I will anyway. Good plan, dude.

Hurry up though.

/action

[forsaintcecilia]

[Kazuki was wandering in for a snack of his own, but.]

[He can't even see Sollux under this pile of bagel bites. He can barely see the kitchen under this pile of bagel bites.]

Woah.

/action

[aquarium_tipper]

[There's a good two moments of silence from the troll before the muffled curses begin in a wave that could very well rival the Great Bagel Diaster of 2013.]

You. [Which is probably not directed at Kazuki, since Sollux's hand triumphantly emerges from the pile, already presenting the one-finger salute. That oven, it's a fucker.]

/action

[forsaintcecilia]

Oh wow, Karkat!?

[Sorry, he only knows one other grey skinned dude in this place, and the middle finger is something he'd definitely do too. Kazuki rolls up his sleeves and tries to dig through the hot tiny bagel pizzas, getting sauce and cheese all over himself in the process.]

/action

[aquarium_tipper]

[What a bro! Unfortunately, buried underneath them Sollux isn't sure what's going on and for all he knows the bagels are on the move. It it great motivation to free himself though and between the two of them--]

Uhh. Sup...? [Being alarmed does seem appropriate right now.]

/action

[forsaintcecilia]

[Kazuki: nicest guy in the mansion. He'd help anyone out from under a giant mountain of bagel bites anyday. But hey, this is actually not Karkat huh. He didn't know there were other trolls in the mansion! Though he can't actually tell much about Sollux, since he's absolutely smothered in pizza sauce right now.]

Hey, you okay? You were caught under a lot of these, uh...

[He peels one off of his shirt.]

Tiny pizza bagels?

/action

[aquarium_tipper]

Uhh. Yeth. Yeth I wath. [He tries to squint through his shades, but the world seems to be an 80% cheese and square pepperoni place through the lenses so he just shoves them on top of his head angrily as he stands up.]

Thankth, man. You're welcome tu have thome, I guethh. Thinthe they came from fucking nowhere. [Which is totally not accompanied by a passive aggressive glare to the oven, I mean. Just sayin'.]