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[Shock and awe, Wonderland. Tom has been here for how long and this is his first time on the network unaffected by an event. But anyone who knows him knows he hates the friggin' thing. Or, more to the point, just really doesn't like drawing too much attention to himself.

But hey. He's happy for once in a very long time. He's in love! And instead of jumping around on someone's couch or screaming from the roof tops, he's sitting outside the back of the house with a power saw, a generator, and a stack of timbers that he has lugged from the closest closet.

A lot of you he hasn't met but you might remember him proposing a football game a months or so back, but he wasn't feeling quite himself then. Living alternative lives and all that.]

Was thinking about doing some work out here. Idle hands and all that.

[It's a beautiful autumn day, guys. Come out and do something constructive.]

Could use some help to get the walls up. Not like we've got much else to do.

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I uh. Guess that depends? But...probably.

[But. What. no really what. YOU HAVE TO SPEAK SLOWLY HE DOESN'T SPEAK PIRATE. Sorry, sorry, westcountry.]

Why is it a waste of time?

[He will eat you alive.]

The mansion fixes what be broken. I imagine it will erase what is built.

[And yep, still speaking slowly, because bless this one's heart, Hector's two seconds from wandering onto the grounds and lobbing the apple core at his head.]

It's not as though this place obeys any laws of nature from the start, after all.

Well. That's comforting.

[Way to be a Debbie Downer.]

I guess we'll just have to keep building it, then. Or get a planning license.

Well, it be your prison sentence, mate, if that's how ye wish to spend it. I'm not unawares to the fact that there be those among you lot that have no wish to go back to where you belong.

Of course, if you have the skill [Not that he's saying you do.] there be things better served to be built than a shed, mate.

[Yeah glossing over the going home thing. He really really doesn't want to.

Buuut you've got his attention, now.]

Like what?

Aye, well, I'm doubting you, nor anyone else, here has the skills but-

[He pauses, stroking his mustache with a long, black-nailed finger. It's a ridiculous long shot, but they have the library at their disposal, and the closets that will give them what they want and need.

Perhaps not the Pearl, no, but something to get back to her.]

I've heard tales of a sea monster, beyond a certain point. It, apparently, is what keeps us in on that side, as if ye row out in one of those little dinghies the mansion's given us, well. A dinghy can't hold a gun or ten, can it?

You want me to build you a boat.

[Or is he just talking in riddles? CAN SOMEONE TRANSLATE PLEASE?]

To fight a sea monster.

[Jesus Christ, Tom, he can't get any clearer.]

Nay, not a boat. And I certainly wouldn't expect you to do it alone, would I? Nay, think bigger. Ten guns at the least.

It could be doable, aye, if the right...Resources were found.

[Uh no. Actually. You are not being clear at all.]

Wait I. Don't understand you want a boat, you just said you wanted a boat that can hold guns.

[Fucking Christ on a handcart.]

Not a boat. A ship. To hold a ship's guns.

[And in complete exasperation:]

I'm a pirate, mate, what in hell do you think I mean.

A boat and a ship are the same fucking thi-

[He overlaps Hector's second half and stops for a moment before exploding in laughter.]

WHAT?!

Edited 2013-10-14 01:05 (UTC)

[Yes, yes, get that out of your system, Tom. He's just going to...Sigh and roll his eyes.

Fucking future people, seriously.]

I didn't stutter, ye gob. You have two pirates here in the mansion, and I be one.

And not those namby-pamby limp-wristed fops you all seem to think about.

[Yes keep talking you're making it so much worse. He's actually doubled over. Oh- oh god he hasn't laughed this much in ages. And really, it's not even that funny. Just out of the blue ridiculous.]

What even-

Ha-

NO, no no okay okay I'm good.

I'm good.

Pfffnnnrk.

Do you have to be a pirate to be on the boat? Or can anyone come and fight the sea monster.

[Clearly this guy is fucking with him, right?]

Edited 2013-10-14 01:13 (UTC)

[And that's it. The apple core is disposed of, Rose is cluck-called to his shoulder, and he's out on the grounds, heaving heavy sighs as he searches down this moron. Honestly, being laughed at is one thing, but laughed at by this genius?

Really, it's just getting out of hand.

And so when he comes upon Tom, he stands there in all his frock-coated, hat-wearing, sword and pistol-toting, monkey-having glory, giving him a narrow-eyed glare.]

Pirate. [And then he takes a long, slow breath.] And I suppose anyone could come along. More cannon fodder for the beastie.

[Oh Jesus Christ.

Tom is just.

Stunned.

And SORRY NOT SORRY it just makes him laugh more. WITH THE MONKEY AND THE FLOATY COAT THING AND THE AHAHAHA OH GOD You are just so perfect do you do kids parties?]

HA-

Okay okay okay no no I'mgood.

pppppppppftk

Sorry.

Are you for real?

[Yeah, he can see how 'good' Tom is.

And for a moment he says and does nothing, before reaching into his sash and yanking free his pistol, thumbing back the hammer as he points it right. At Tom's. Stupid big head.]

I dunno, am I, mate? We can find out if the shot in this pistol be real. There be a thought.

[Seriously. Give him a reason.]

Yes, I'm real, ye gob. As real as any of you future folk.

[There comes a defining moment in a man's life where he is faced with something incredibly strange and you have no idea what to do. But worse than that the thing is probably dangerous despite not always looking like a threat.

This time has come and gone so so many times for Tom but now seems to be one of them.

That uh. That's a real gun...isn't it. So think fast boy, or you're gonna get it.]

I uh.

[Well shit.]

Sorry. I've just. Never met someone like you. I mean- A.. pirate. I've never met a pirate.

[Well, just in case Tom gets curious about its realness in the future. The hammer is pushed back up, and the pistol lowered, though Hector doesn't tuck it away right off. No, instead, he gives it a glance, tapping at it with one long fingernail, that's painted black, mouth pulling to the side as he chews the inside of his cheek in mock-contemplation.]

Aye, and I suppose you thought we all ran around with eye patches and peg legs. At least, that be the impression I'm getting from you lot. [And like a switch, his tone goes from vaguely threatening to jovial, just like that.]

Either way, now you have. Consider yourself lucky, as well, you're not hurting from the encounter.

[Peg legs and..yeah that's pretty much it. But the OTHER type of pirate is exactly top to tail Barbossa. Monkey and all.

And he'd comment on it as well but he thinks it's probably good to keep his mouth closed on the subject and not get shot.]

Thanks for that.

[But the guy seems to relax and so Tom feels like maybe he can too. Just a little bit.]

No hard feelings?

[Seems being the key word, of course. Tom doesn't have any way of knowing it, and Hector's used to things being known rather than having to display them, but at home in Caribbean, he's not the sort most would trifle with, simply because he does have such a nasty reputation.]

We'll see.

[And his voice is just as dry as can be, as he replaces the pistol in his belt.]

So. This be your project, then. Naught but a useless shed among other useless buildings in this useless, hemmed in place.

[Tom can't help but squint a little at that. Cool story, pal. Who died and made you captain of This Old House?]

If you want to build something you need a workshop..which you have to build. So.

[Shrug.]

[Silly Tom, he's a Pirate Lord. Same difference, really.]

That? [He snorts in direction of the lumber, before reaching up to stroke his mustache with one long-nailed finger.]

Is not going to be big enough.

[Uuuuu------hhhhhhhhhh okay?]

For what?

[Are you ready, Tom? Really ready?

Because this idea is your fault all the way around.]

You can't even fit a decent sized dinghy in that. Nay, much too small.

[.... wait for it.... wait for it..... oh jesus christ it all clicks in.]

A boat? You were serious, you want to build a boat?

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[action] Because clearly the best idea is to shove them in each other's faces.

[action] oh my god yes CLEARLY

[action] /holds head

[action] oh my god

[action] /holds head Thank you for letting him be piratey.

[action] UH W/E wouldn't have it any other way.

[action] Yes good.

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