[VIDEO]

[stoptheviolence]

[The camera unfocuses for a moment before focusing back in on...Brittany. Of course. It’s her camera, so why wouldn’t it be her? But she’s not alone. There’s an adorable miniature pony at her side...with a horn on its head...and the sounds of a chirping squirrel can be heard coming from somewhere just off-screen.]

[Brittany, of course, sees nothing wrong with any of this, and is happily spinning in her chair, wearing her pajamas, despite the fact that her hair is has been expertly styled, and her makeup is impeccable. Beside her, the usual decorations of a youthful teen girl could be seen. Bright colors. Stuffed animals. And a particular picture seen hanging on the wall right over her bed.]

‘sup, Wonderland. I’m Brittany. And this is my new show, the Wonderland edition of Fondue for Two.

...well, four, if you count Lady Winny and Sir Squeakums over there.

[More chirping, as if the squirrel were responding to her. The unicorn remained silent. Content with just sitting there and looking fabulous. As she should. Santana, on the other hand, is sitting nearby but away from the furry creatures, looking...like she is doing this out of love. Being the first semi-guest was not on her to-do list, especially after her experience with the show back home. Again: for love.]

We’re here to bring you the latest and greatest of Wonderland’s cheezy news. [As she says this, she leans forward and reaches down to pick up...something speared onto a large toothpick and covered in Fondue goodness. She makes a show of eating it. Because cheezy fondue. Get it?] And, I guess, whatever else we feel like talking about at the moment.

So if you’ve got the goods, feel free to call in. After all, sharing is caring.

[And then, just before she lets it go to the phones...or Network, or whatever, Santana decides to speak up:]

Do it or Imma break some kneecaps.

Comments

[itsahotone]

[Excuse you.]

I know they'd all kick your ass and look pretty good without shirts. [...Not that she's seen Allison shirtless, sadly but it's a fair assumption.]

[itsahotone]

Uh, actually I can. Just cause you need your ears cleaned doesn't mean you get to insult Britt's show.

[But also: LOL she is so entertained by Brittany's conversation with this fool.]

[itsahotone]

[jdhfjks

Damn, this would be the perfect gossip! If only--]

Oh, I know.

[We're sure that will go over well.]

[alwaysnext]

What? Where the hell did that come from?

[Wow Santana. Wow. Luke is at once baffled and kinda annoyed. Okay, so maybe every single person in Wonderland could take him in a fist fight, including that sick girl and the twelve year old boy, but that doesn't mean he needs it pointed out all the time. Jeez people.]

You don't know that. And! You've never even seen me without a shirt. [WHO KNOWS WHAT BEAUTY LIES BENEATH THIS VOLUMINOUS SCARF?]

[itsahotone]

[Please, like it takes much to provoke her. But now she's switched from annoyed to amused, so good on you, Luke! Too bad it's at your own expense.]

Pretty sure I do know that. [She knows something's off about those guys, even if her guess is less wolfy and more...mutanty.]

Are you volunteering to come strip on the show?

[alwaysnext]

[At least people laughing at him is familiar territory.]

Yeah, well, three-on-one isn't fair. [And being a mutant doesn't automatically mean you can do backflips off a wall, omg. The stereotypes his people face.]

Why don't you ask one of them to strip for you, if they're so much better than me?

[itsahotone]

[Oh, honey. She really didn't mean three-on-one.]

Good idea! That would totally bring in viewers!

[She...actually grabs a paper and pen to make a note of it.]

[hamburellakind]

[John sends coolguyjohn.vid their way. And. Realizes suddenly that he has officially cut off any chance of Santana touching him in a sexy way regardless of Brittany being around or not.


































The comedy is worth it.]

[alwaysnext]

Oh, and I wouldn't? [He raises a mocking eyebrow and yes, he already knows the answer to that one too.]

[stoptheviolence]

[yeah, like it would've ever happened anyway]

Cool.

[intelligently]

[ Yep. It goes over as well as expected ]

Apparently your best friend is the last person you tell. How long have you known?

Video

[thneedifestdestiny]

Says you. They're all the rage where I'm from, and anyone who's anyone wants like thirteen of them.

[itsahotone]

[She squints at him.]

I'm sure there's some audience for you.

[alwaysnext]

[He does do extremely well amongst the twelve year old girl population.]

If you're into exhibitionism, that's cool. Not really my thing, though. I'll keep my shirt on.

[He'd rather remove his pants in front of a hundred strangers than have to take his shirt off around them.]

[thneedifestdestiny]

I wasn't insulting it! I just asked a question, sheesh!

[Wow, what a rude girl!]

Video

[stoptheviolence]

You're from a really weird place.

[Literally judging only by this apparently fashion disaster epidemic.]

[hamburellakind]

[There was, like, a .5% chance, okay!!!!]

that was the idea, hehe.

[itsahotone]

Kinda forever.

[She at least...attempts to sound apologetic??]

Figured it out myself though, so it's not like they told me or whatever.

[intelligently]

[ She'll take that attempt. It's the best she's getting in any direction ]

That's a little more relieving. Are there any others?

[ Give her more scandalous sex gossip ]

[radiopalkiller]

[ Their affection is an odd reminder that Philip has been completely out of the loop with Santana's relationship status, or any details thereof, ever since-- well, since Tim, actually. It's a bit of an embarrassment, honestly, but truthfully it never really made his list of most important developments to keep track of. He wonders if that's still the same Brittany he had a chat with ages ago. Sort of doubtful, actually... ]

Um, way cheaper rent.

[ Hah. Philip clears his throat. ]

Erm, I used to map the tunnels, actually. Made sense to stay close back then, but I'm on the third floor now.

[ Only just moved. Lovely view. Windows and all that... ]

[itsahotone]

[Santana rolls her eyes, because who wouldn't. She still doesn't know how it ~made sense to stay close~ but whatever.]

It means I can bug him more often now.

[That makes her genuinely happy. Philip should be proud.]

[itsahotone]

A dumb question, yeah.

[stoptheviolence]

[If Santana's happy, then Brittany's happy. It's as simple as that.]

Can I come next time? Sounds like fun.

[radiopalkiller]

[ Look, this is the guy who thought it made sense to hop on a plane to Greenland with next to no preparations, and trek into the icy wilderness by himself, on the off-chance that he might be able to find his father at a random set of coordinates that were nearly thirty years old, so... ]

Depends, does that mean twice the bothering, or are you coming along to keep her in check?

[ And how do you feel about lengthy seminars on bees? ]

[itsahotone]

[Wow, rude.]

Wow, rude.

[Pause.]

Probably the first one. And of course you can come, Britt. He has no say. [She didn't even bother to whisper.]