002 ♚ audio

[boyhood]

_{[Whodunnits aren't really Peter's leisure activity of choice. Who's committed a crime and why aren't as interesting as what a person will do to overcome a challenge. Slapdash, violent, gleeful murder… it's a bit much. And rather hard to ignore after the first few bodies start appearing and the horrified reactions start buzzing amongst the people.]}

Lock your doors and shutter your windows, it looks like we're in for a nasty storm.

_{[Only Peter's boyish voice can be heard; there's no indication of where he might be, or what he might be doing. Maybe he's taking his own advice on this one.]}

If you don't, be careful who you come across in the halls. Or what you might find.


| private message to Emma Swan and Regina Mills |

I expect you'll be keeping a better eye on Henry this time. Don't wander off and lose your hearts. Someone taking them without magic makes an impressive mess.

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audio

[stoptheviolence]

[Her voice comes a bit distant at first, as if she were sticking her head out a window as she spoke. Which...well...]

I don't see any rain clouds! Are you sure?

voice;

[boyhood]

<sub>[Oh, my.

It's this one. Your unique mind hasn't gone unnoticed, Brittany.]</sub>

It was a metaphor for what's happening inside, my dear.

voice;

[stoptheviolence]

[P-pan-sempai noticed me... /blush]

[No, but seriously, this could either be a very good or a very bad thi--okay, no, let's be real, it's probably bad.]

It's not raining inside, either.

I would know. My hair hates humidity.

[boyhood]

_{[Probably. But then Brittany would have to be self-aware enough to understand all the many insults he'd throw at her, and those are iffy prospects.]}

I did mention a metaphor, didn't I?

_{[Is he going to be explaining figures of speech soon? His non-existent paternal instincts are tingling.]}

[stoptheviolence]

[It would depend on the insults. Blunt, straight-forward insults (particularly to her intelligence, of all things) wouldn't go unnoticed. But if phrased in such a way that it could be misinterpreted...there was a 50-50 chance of her even thanking him.]

Right. I knew that.

[...uh...]

[boyhood]

_{[Oh, Brittany. You precious, precious creature.]}

Glad that's settled, then.

_{[Do you see how quick he is to be helpful in this situation? As quick as a snail climbing uphill.]}

Best of luck.

[stoptheviolence]

[More like a snake. A FLYING snake]

Thanks.

You too...uh...what did you say your name was?

[boyhood]

I didn't. But it's Peter, Peter Pan.

_{[And before you ask him if he's sure about that, too, yes, he is sure. Not a metaphor in the slightest.]}

[stoptheviolence]

Wait...

That can't be right. I always thought Peter Pan was a girl.

[Just like Captain Hook and Mr. Darling were secretly the same person the whole time! PLOT TWIST!]

[boyhood]

_{[Had this been in person, Brittany would have been treated to a baffled blink of the eyes.]}

A girl?

_{[That's bordering on offensive. No, what can't be right is someone this harebrained. Not even the real Wonderland is quite this ridiculous.]}

Do I sound like a girl?

[stoptheviolence]

Of course you don't. That's why you can't really be Peter Pan, duh.

I saw the movie, you know. Her real name is, like, Mary...something. It started with an M too.

[boyhood]

_[Ugh.]

I am Peter Pan.

_{[And now you're treading a fine line by asking him to prove himself.]}

And did it ever occur to you in all this time that this story you cling to was based on other real people? In other lands? Where Neverland exists? I'd remind you that we're not called the Lost Girls.

_[Duh.]

[stoptheviolence]

...not really, no.

[And that still doesn't answer her question as to why the Peter Pan she knew was still a girl and this one wasn't, if the story was based on Real Life.]

Hey, whatever. I'm totally not judging. If you want to be a boy or a girl, that's totally cool either way.

[boyhood]

<sub>[... Well, there's something to be said for her candidness, if nothing else. He's shaking his head. She can't see it, but there is so much head shaking occurring right at this very moment.

He's killed people for less, but not over a reason like this. If people insult Pan, it's usually more pointedly, and if they wish to avoid insulting him, they usually know enough to keep their mouths shut. This girl occupies a peculiar place in the middle.]</sub>

If you'd be so kind, I'd like to stay a boy. That would raise some confusing questions otherwise.

[stoptheviolence]

Oh, of course.

And good for you, for figuring out who you want to be and having the confidence to be him.

[boyhood]

I suppose thanks are in order.

<sub>[Maybe she is just this oblivious. That's harmless enough. He takes enjoyment in a good laugh.

Usually they occur at other people's expense, this is true, but even Peter Pan isn't above poking fun at himself, and this could stand as one of those times. He's never thought of himself as being so insecure that small insults require a great sense of insult, crackling lightning and wrathful storms and all.

A girl, honestly... He's going to have to check out this movie to see what the fuss is about.]</sub>

I do have fun being me, just the way I am.

[stoptheviolence]

Yeah, me too.

[For all her faults, the one thing Brittany could unequivocally boast about...besides her unparalleled fashion sense, of course...was her utmost confidence in her. She knew who she was, and she made no apologies.]

If you ask me, way more people should have that attitude. They'd all be so much happier that way.

[boyhood]

Not many people do. Have the confidence to claim they know themselves so well, that is.

_{[He sounds curious. Now here's an interesting young girl, far from his usual fair.]}

Do you regularly accuse people of being from the other sex, then?

[stoptheviolence]

Not usually, no.

It was just totally weird. But maybe you're, like, a different Peter Pan. Like how I'm Brittany S.Pierce, but not that Britney Spears, even though I can totally see how people might get us confused.

[boyhood]

_{[The fact that he has no idea who she's trying to compare herself to rather detracts from her point, if there had indeed been a point to make.]}

There's just the one of me. Anyone else is a pretender.

_{[Take this to heart, young one. If he has to keep correcting people on what's fact and what's fiction, he's going to become ornery.]}

[stoptheviolence]

That's what I like to tell other people, too.

I mean, so who cares if she was born first? She's not me, and I am. She can't even spell it right. It's Brittany, Bitch.

[boyhood]

_{[This is a tedious conversation. He's not sure what to make of it.]}

Illuminating. If I were a girl, I'm sure I'd understand the significance.

[stoptheviolence]

Wait. You don't know who Brittany Spears is?

[Does such a world even exist?]

[boyhood]

_{[Not what he'd been getting at, but truthfully, no, he doesn't know what figures occupy girls' minds. If the example Brittany's set holds true, he doesn't care to find out, either.]}

Can't say I do. But I'll educate myself if you will. How do you find that?

_{[Such a fair and charitable deal. He doesn't see where people get off calling him a monster, he really doesn't...]}

[stoptheviolence]

Turn on a television, usually. But I guess they don't really have those here.

But, like, you could always just ask. Or I could sing one of her songs for you? Though, you should know that I totally do Britney better than Britney.