second war | text

[rues]

[ just for the record, america and clarisse should never, ever be allowed to hang out. seriously. they hit it off way too well for someone of clarisse's, er, disposition. but, come on, he has fucking raptors and he indulges her in her obsession with guns and shooting things. it's like a match made in a monthly subscription of guns & ammo.

tonight they aren't shooting anything, though. tonight they are getting wasted off their asses because clarisse still isn't allowed in the bar and america has moonshine in his bathtub and with the nightmares clarisse keeps having and the guilt that keeps eating away at her, she could really use a few drinks. she probably could just get a bottle of jack from the magic closet, but, you know, drinking by yourself is sad and lame. and clarisse is neither sad nor lame. she just wants to have a good time with the good ole united states of america.

but getting clarisse drunk is only asking for trouble. it's a good thing she can hold her own against giant metal bulls and ancient drakons, because, well... you'll all be getting a very drunken text about her newest victory. ]

I think i jsut punchd a raptro in t he face and survived

Comments

[rues]

[ excuse you luke, she is in no way a dinosaur serial killer. or a serial killer of any kind. and she still has no idea what the fuck xenophobic means so she's just not going to ask anymore. ]

i thingk i type like a drukn pesrson but ok
ps yes hes' cryign
or was untiel i theadtend ot punch him too
nwo hes shoving a bottle of jakc down jacksongs thraot
id onet' knwo hwats going on anymoer

[alwaysnext]

[What, ξενοφοβία? Looks like someone needs to brush up on their Ancient Greek compounds before they become a massive disappointment. Is what he would taunt, if he had any idea who she was.

Instead, he's suddenly furious. It's all fun and games when you're goading a violent drunk into emotionally damaging your boyfriend through animal abuse, but this crosses a line.]

dont EVER threaten to hit america again

[rues]

[ wow maybe if he'd typed it in greek the first time she would've understood it!! she and english don't get along very well, especially not when she's drunk. it's a miracle she can even read anything at the moment. there's a lot of squinting going on on her part. ]

or waht're u gonna do abotu it

[ do you really wanna start with her, luke. DO YOU REALLY. ]

[alwaysnext]

[DON'T START SHIT IF YOU CAN'T COMMIT]

find you and sort you out

[He's kicking himself for not paying attention when they covered 'delivering hard-ass threats' in school.]

[rues]

[ she is legit rolling her eyes at you luke. america probably isn't paying attention but if he were HE WOULD SEE HER ROLLING HER EYES AT YOU. ]

wow i'm shakgin in my ocmbat boots

[ you are talking to a girl who took down a 200-foot tall ancient serpent-dragon. she is not scared of you. ]

[alwaysnext]

[Noo the last thing he needs is America witnessing Luke's all-around failure. He's too emotionally fragile to deal with the mockery.]

yeah yeah ur so bad + hard etc. get back to me when you've actually done anything worth bragging about.

[Luke wouldn’t even get out of bed for a 200 foot dragon. Whatever, Clarisse.]

just keep ur bloody hands off him and i dont care what else u do together.

[Except he will care. He will care in the most passive-aggressive, stalker manner possible. Why does America keep hanging out with hot American girls with weapons, what is that all about?]

[rues]

[ clarisse doesn't even bother responding to the first half of that message. the second part is so much better bully fodder. she's also way too drunk to list off all of her achievements she's got bragging rights for because she can barely remember what's happened in the last ten minutes other than punching a raptor. ]

uh oh soudnsl iek someone's jealosu

[ luke, really, why wouldn't he hang out with hot american girls with weapons. that's the most american you can get. but don't worry, she's already taken or there might be drunk makeouts. praise ares you have been spared that much. ]

[alwaysnext]

[Far too socially inadequate to realise his brave defence is doing nothing but pouring fuel on the fire of mockery and shame, Luke doesn’t even understand how she knows he’s jealous. He never said he was jealous. Not wanting to hit people is a noble and inimitable state of existence. Not an indication that he would keep America tied to a chair if it wasn’t creepy, and also really easy for him to escape.]

piss off what am I jealous of?? drinking gross beer with you and watching you text people all night?? sounds like hes havin a whale of a time.

if thats what america wants to do tonight why would I even care lol.

[Sorry, Clarisse, you are not a true American girl until you wear a cheerleading outfit 24/7. Everyone knows that to be pure American fact.]

[rues]

[ screw you luke, this is the pinnacle of fun right here. they're having a wailord of a time, thank you very much. ]

wow did soemoen teahc u how to be thsi passive aggressive or were u born that way
don't get ur panties all in a twist
mayeb u should have a few dringks

[alwaysnext]

[Wow, Clarisse, what a totally racist question. Not everyone was born. Not everyone was shoved out of a nice, cushy womb and given two decades to learn human behaviour. One day Luke will overthrow your oppressive organic hegemony.]

neither actually

[The fact he gives an honest answer is the only indication that Luke made good on his promise to Lydia and began drinking long before he picked up his mobile.]

I could be doing all sorts of things right now but I cant because youre doin them

[rues]

[ whatever luke bring it on!!! see how conflicted it makes your boyfriend when he has to choose a side or something. but she's not entirely sure what to say to that first text so she just ignores it. ]

right becsuase its alll my fautl that ur lame and not having fun

[alwaysnext]

[No no no, Luke doesn't ever want to give America the option to choose a hot American chick with weapons someone over him. That's why he's passive-aggressively sniping at Clarisse in the first place goddammit this backfired on him.]

yes!! so you even know and you still did it anyway!! its not ur bloody anniversary is it!!!

[rues]

[ ... and there we are ladies and gents and everyone in between. if this were a soap opera there'd be a dramatic music cue followed by a pregnant pause. ]

wow are u adn aemrica serosiusly gay for each other

[ not that she really cares. but she'd mostly been joking about him being jealous in that regard earlier. ]

[alwaysnext]

[That’s a question with a lot of weight behind it. The phrasing offends him easily, now he’s primed to be offended by anything Clarisse ever does, well-meaning or not.

But there’s also the stickier issue of what do boys from 1890 want you to say when asked if they’re shagging other boys? America seems more confident and open now than he was two weeks and thirty years ago, but Luke, unaware that his stupid-ass boyfriend discusses his dick with complete strangers and Captain Fucking America, doesn’t know if America’s still caught in his Victorian shame cycle. The last time he told someone they were dating, America sulked with him for an entire fifteen minutes.]

i don’t know. you’ll have to ask him.

[rues]

[ okay, look, she's not that invested in knowing, but maybe she'll ask him when she's less drunk. if she remembers to. honestly, she really doesn't give a shit. they're just gonna end up talking about dicks anyway and she'll find out then, so what's the point of asking now? she'll just keep asking luke uncomfortable questions. ]

ok btu i'ma ksign u
shodudlnt u know if ur gay for him
its fuckign simpel
do u watnna suck his dick or not

[alwaysnext]

you cant ask people questions like that!
werent you ever socialised in human behaviiour?? were you raised in a barn by bears??
america was raised by bears and evn he knows not to ask peopel questions like that dont be the weird one out of you and america
why does it even matter that i want to suck his dick youve never even met me!!

[rues]

[ too bad luke she can and she will. she's like a honey badger. she don't give a shit. ]

blahhahblah blahh
id ont'' really give a shit
i'm just sayign
if ur ghay for him u shoudl knwo
ps i was raised in arirozns yb my motheer
u talak shit abotut her i wnot hesistaet to punch u in the dick

[alwaysnext]

[Lucky this is video, because the noise of rage Luke makes at this mocking is unholy. He gives a shit. He gives all the shits. And completely misreads Clarisse's childhood home as Ariro, Ethiopia.]

why would i care about ur mum is she trying to have it off with america too?

[rues]

[ ... yes, that's exactly where she grew up. if he ever brings this up in person later, she will have no fucking clue what he's talking about. as it is, she has no clue what he's talking about. ]

what

[alwaysnext]

it means shag.

[rues]

I KWNOW WHAT IT MEANS
hwat the fhfuck does that havve to do wtih anythign