second war | text

[rues]

[ just for the record, america and clarisse should never, ever be allowed to hang out. seriously. they hit it off way too well for someone of clarisse's, er, disposition. but, come on, he has fucking raptors and he indulges her in her obsession with guns and shooting things. it's like a match made in a monthly subscription of guns & ammo.

tonight they aren't shooting anything, though. tonight they are getting wasted off their asses because clarisse still isn't allowed in the bar and america has moonshine in his bathtub and with the nightmares clarisse keeps having and the guilt that keeps eating away at her, she could really use a few drinks. she probably could just get a bottle of jack from the magic closet, but, you know, drinking by yourself is sad and lame. and clarisse is neither sad nor lame. she just wants to have a good time with the good ole united states of america.

but getting clarisse drunk is only asking for trouble. it's a good thing she can hold her own against giant metal bulls and ancient drakons, because, well... you'll all be getting a very drunken text about her newest victory. ]

I think i jsut punchd a raptro in t he face and survived

Comments

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[tact]

How do you know if you've survived if you're not even sure you punched a raptor?

[ got to be a pain in the ass. also, aren't you a little young to be this intoxicated? ]

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[rues]

woudl i be talkking to u ritgh now if i were dead

[ um excuse she is perfectly legal in europe okok... though it is kind of ironic that she's drinking with america. and she's underage. SHHH. ]

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[tact]

I'm dead and I'm talking to you.

[ it probably helps clarisse is as drunk as a skunk, because cordelia dropping that bomb and not even flinching, well. it's denial at its finest. ]

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[resent]

[ cora's amused, not amused enough to quickly hit a reply back, though. but she's bored, and texting is easier than talking via audio or video. so, she stays holed up in her room. ]

How was it?

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[rues]

awesome

[ and she actually manages to spell that right. that's how awesome it was. it defies the intoxication. ]

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[resent]

How big was it?

( text )

[ripstides]

are we talking dinosaurs
or guys with really bad taste in music genres?

( text )

[rues]

why would we be talking about anyhting other than dinosuars

( text )

[ripstides]

i wasn't sure what you typed
and i'm pretty sure you would punch both of them

text;

[eatsyourscience]

what

text;

[rues]

hello can u read i punched a raptor in the face

[ she typed it out very carefully just 4 u souji. ]

text;

[eatsyourscience]

[kthx]

it helps if you spell it right.

why is there a raptor?

[Somehow, he has lived here this long and doesn't know about America's raptors.]

[alwaysnext]

[Does Luke look bothered? Is he bothered? It's not like today is an important anniversary or anything.

It's not like he's developing a pointless vendetta against an innocent woman whose only crime is wanting to commit felonies with his attractive, yet assholish, boyfriend. And if someone's precious Captain America video has suddenly developed a fatal exception error, well, maybe they should have stayed in tonight.]

was it jackson? he deserves it ehs a prick.

[rues]

[ what's this? UNINTENTIONAL DRAMA??? i think you mean the best kind. to be honest, clarisse says bring it on, luke. this is the kind of shit she thrives on. develop your pointless vendetta against the daughter of ares and see where that gets you. she'll enjoy it, at least. ]

damn straight itw as
he looked at me funny

[alwaysnext]

[Luke will bring this feud to bear the only way an alien weapon of mass destruction knows how: loudly, passive-aggressively, and with the United States taking most of the collateral damage.]

wow xenophobic. hes a dinosaur. that’s how his face goes.

action C R Y I N G

[monopolies]

[ This is not at all what America had anticipated when he offered Clarisse some of his godawful but highly potent moonshine. Which is really stupid, because what the fuck did he think was going to happen when adding alcohol to her personality? He had visions of traversing off into the night spreading joy wherever they went (read: yelling incomprehensibly in peoples' faces like two college kids who pregamed going to Homecoming but never actually make it to Homecoming because they're too wasted to make it off campus).

As it turns out, when you mix alcohol, the daughter of Ares, and a surly dinosaur, you get America wailing as he cradles his precious baby. Clarisse somehow managed to knock one of his little teeth out, though considering his plush life it's probably Jackson's pride that's the most wounded, though he's really not helping matters by his muffled cries of MOOOOOM into America's shirt. It's remarkable that's he's allowing himself to be hugged so tightly without trying to rip himself free from America's arms. ]

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HIS KIND IS EXTINCT HE JUST HAS EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS!

[ America sobs into Jackson's feathers. Somewhere else in the room, Ruth looks on somewhere between apathetic and approving. Apparently she thinks Jackson had it coming too. ]

[rues]

[ america might be weeping over his baby, but all clarisse can bring herself to do is laugh. really, this is the most ridiculous fucking situation she's ever been in and it's hilarious. she punched a raptor in the face and now the united states of america is sobbing like a four-year-old. how is she not supposed to find it funny. besides, she's still not over the fact that she punched a raptor named jackson. she imagines it'd probably feel that good to punch her jackson — though whether or not percy actually deserves it is up for debate.

america's wailing is obnoxious and piercing, but clarisse is still too drunk and in a fit of laughter to really care that much. even her threats sound half-hearted. ]

I'm gonna give you emotional problems if you don't stop crying. You haven't seen nothin' yet.

[ but for the love of all things divine and holy, do not let her out of this room or she will destroy everything. ]

[monopolies]

[ America already has emotional problems. Too many, as evident from his hysterics. With a loud sniffle and a hiccup, he wipes his snot and tears into Jackson's feathers. He tries to stand up but fails miserably and ends up crawling on all fours toward the closet. ]

Don't worry baby, I'll get you some ice! Don'tcha worry, you're gonna be fine...

[ He scrambles back to his squawks raptor with a bag of ice and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Jackson tries to get away from the ensuing madness, but there is no escape America's death grip. Especially not pets. ]

I heard if ya put whiskey on a baby's teeth [ he explains to Clarisse, staring at her with bleary eyes ] it'lls soothe its pains. Surely the same thing applies to little raptors!

[ Sticking his fingers in an aggressive raptor's mouth is sadly not the stupidest idea he's ever had. To no one's surprise, the little shit chomps down on his finger, severing the tip, and yet America doesn't flinch. Massive amounts of booze have dulled his already poor reactions to pain. He does, however, stare in puzzlement when he pulls pack and one of his fingers is shorter than the others. Somehow the question transforms into an idea of jamming the bottle's neck down Jackson's throat so that he can imbibe too. The raptor flails and squawks until it's finally released, stumbling off to let the whiskey sink in.

Proof that America should never be in charge of children, ever. ]

There we go! Now he'll feel better and all of us can have fun together.

[ He shoots a happy grin at Clarisse like a dog who just dug a massive hole in the garden just to scare off a single rabbit. ACHIEVEMENTS. ]

[ TEXT 1/2 ]

[embellishing]

That sounds highly uncalled for. What did the raptor do to deserve that?

[ TEXT 2/2 ]

[embellishing]

... There are raptors here?

[ TEXT ] SCREAMES (haha see what i did there hi eames ur my fave smooches)

[rues]

he lookded at me fuynny

[ and that's reason enough for her. ]

walk itno a closet youll get all sorts of crazy shit and nto jsut raptors
u shofuld see my gun collection

[ unlike arthur, she isn't afraid to dream a little bigger okok. ]

[text]

[kickassqueen]

Dude, that's an awesome achievement.

We should have some kinda board somewhere that lists them.

[text]

[rues]

might as well jsut amek it the clarisse la rue abord fo achievments

[ because no one else ever does anything this awesome. ]

voice.

[formercheerio]

You punched what?

voice.

[rues]

[ oh, lord, quinn, you just had to go with audio didn't you. there's a lot of squawking and clarisse laughing uncontrollably as america tries to baby feed his raptor a bottle of jack. she's still laughing as she speaks. ]

I punched a raptor.