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[text to the masses]

happy singles awareness day
did you know that saint valentine was full of shit
i mean maybe he wasn't but theres no way to know since theres like no actual history on this guy
there are records of three different saint valentines
though i guess the one thing thats consistent is that pretty much all of them died horribly

anyway there's your exciting earth history fact of the day
have fun

[Alex, for his part, is currently planning on getting at least a little buzzed tonight. Despite the apparent bitterness of that mass-network text, he's not technically single. His SO just happens to not be here. Hence, drinking. Hence, bitterness.

Hence, that fun Valentine's Day Historical Fact.

Anyone looking for him will find him at the bar.]

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it made hanging out real awkward
always necking all the time

[It really does sound like a Dragonball Z thing, which Alex is only marginally ashamed to admit he's seen more than a little of. Thankfully he's talking to someone who probably doesn't care.]

so is she like a walking pda then

["pda" is at least a term she remembers from Camp Pining Hearts.]

No! Ugh. That's the sort of insincere and pointless nonsense Paulette attempts to divert Percy's attention with. Garnet, I'm sure, is made up of a far more efficient pairing. More... gazing and subtext.

[Peridot is going to be so disappointed in Ruby and Sapphire. Or really pissed that Canda doesn't treat her slash ships with the same respect as it does their het ones. THAT'S HOW REAL AFFECTION WORKS???]

Edited 2016-02-15 21:57 (UTC)

what
is paulette another gem of yours or
who's percy

so is this a
only the strongest will survive thing??

They're from Camp Pining Hearts. That's pre-recorded Earth entertainment.

[in the tone of someone who thinks YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT THAT IS, ALEX. YOU SHOULD KNOW ALL ABOUT TRASHY CANADIAN TEEN SOAP OPERAS.]

Edited 2016-02-15 22:03 (UTC)

never heard of it
i only watch quality entertainment

[Says the guy who basically just admitted to killing a few hours watching Dragonball Z.]

It's the most quality Earth entertainment I've seen.

[and possibly the only

besides that crying breakfast friends show.

that's just sick.]

well then
how do i put this lightly

you need to get out more

That's ridiculous. Steven's viewing screen is inside. By your logic, I should be [snort] in more.

it's an expression
by "get out more" i mean like
you need to branch out

[Wait shit will she interpret that literally too?? Uhhh hang on]

like
expand your interests
that type of thing

[YOU'RE LEARNING ALEX.]

That's what Steven told me, which was how I learned of Camp Pining Hearts to begin with.

I suppose I could spend more time in Wonderland's media archives...

[SLOWLY BUT SURELY.]

heartily recommended
though i don't know how good wonderland's tastes are
hopefully better than your average soap opera junk

it's not as if there's much to compare it to. it's all probably mindless and time-wasting and written by clods who have no idea what a partnership dynamic should look like.

you have no idea how well you just described about 90% of all media

honestly there are
so
many
love triangles

Love triangles?

the most boring uninventive repetitive uninteresting shit imaginable, i swear

person a meets person b
person b expresses romantic interest
person c shows up and also wants to get in person a's pants
cue romantic "tension" spoonfed to us by uninspired "artists" who can't tell a good plot from a trite one

[This pretentious drivel coming from a man who unironically wrote the line "stuck in a loop of unhappiness".]

Assuming one of them isn't utterly useless like Paulette, why would "person a" have to choose between them? A three person dynamic is even stronger... though likely more unstable. At least at first...

congrats
you officially have more brain cells than 99% of all hollywood film producers

Well, that part was never in doubt. I'm more intelligent than 99% of my own race, much less sub-par races

[it's like you can hear her derisively snorting through the text.]

[RIIIIIGHT he keeps forgetting she's kind of a literalist.]

right right right alright let me rephrase
you officially have a better sense of dramatic tension than most hollywood film producers

[she's a precious soul and earth idioms confuse her. said the genius.]

Thank you.

[that's what she should say right??? to a compliment??? Earth people are weird.]

your welcome
go, educate yourself with earth tv

[Sounds genuine? Anyway, just get her to write all love triangles from now on. It'll be great.]

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