[text to the masses]

[rosswood]

happy singles awareness day
did you know that saint valentine was full of shit
i mean maybe he wasn't but theres no way to know since theres like no actual history on this guy
there are records of three different saint valentines
though i guess the one thing thats consistent is that pretty much all of them died horribly

anyway there's your exciting earth history fact of the day
have fun

[Alex, for his part, is currently planning on getting at least a little buzzed tonight. Despite the apparent bitterness of that mass-network text, he's not technically single. His SO just happens to not be here. Hence, drinking. Hence, bitterness.

Hence, that fun Valentine's Day Historical Fact.

Anyone looking for him will find him at the bar.]

Comments

[rosswood]

are we talking disney animated hook or dustin hoffman hook
is this a bad nickname
did he anger a witch

[sheriffing]

I thought all you needed was a hint?

[rosswood]

if we're talking fairy tales you should know that if you pick even one of them there are thirty shitbillion adaptations of it
take wonderland for example
not that many adaptations are actually faithful to the source material
but there sure are a lot of them

[He's given this a lot of thought okay.]

[sheriffing]

Trust me, I'm aware.

[rosswood]

so which is it
perm hook or cartoon hook

[sheriffing]

Neither.
He's a real person, not a cartoon character. Not a villain.

[ Not anymore. ]

[rosswood]

well idk it's been a long time since i've seen peter pan
so assuming he's literally captain hook and not like
idk a really dedicated cosplayer
does he bear any actual resemblance to the swashbuckling mustachioed crocodile-fearing pirate disney parades around

[sheriffing]

You can decide for yourself, he's here.
But I wouldn't mention the crocodile thing, if I were you.

[rosswood]

what seriously
ok a) i'm definitely gonna do that
and b) why does your bf hate reptiles

[sheriffing]

It's not a reptile, it's a person ... who sometimes looks like a reptile.

[Shiny and scaly, it's close enough.]

[rosswood]

uh-huh
does someone have to give you crazy kids a lesson in why cross-species relationships never go well

[sheriffing]

Funny, but that doesn't apply to us.

[rosswood]

so what then
you live in a world of ripley's believe it or not?
you come from an alternate universe where instead of furries its lizard enthusiasts?
how does someone look like a lizard only part of the time

[sheriffing]

You remember when all you said you needed was a hint?

[rosswood]

well you keep dangling this stuff in front of me and expecting me to be satisfied with that?
"my boyfriend is literally captain hook"
"some people look like lizards part of the time"

you realize what this looks like from an outsider's perspective right
cause i'll give YOU a hint
it starts with L and it ends with SD.

[sheriffing]

This coming from a guy trapped in Wonderland.
You don't have to believe me, doesn't matter to me one way or the other.

[rosswood]

ok but we're all trapped in wonderland
theres a difference there

[sheriffing]

What's the difference?

[rosswood]

wonderland is verifiable
as is presumably your bf
who is this lizardman and is he here so i can verify him too

[sheriffing]

Not my story to tell. You might've missed your chance.

[rosswood]

"might"
sure lady
sure