Journal Entry 005 {video}

[failedparenting]

[For the first few moments of the video, all that's visible is what looks like a little makeshift shooting range set up outside. It's the kind a kid who just got a BB gun for Christmas would set up, just a rail with some cans and bottle set up along it. Someone shoots down three bottles off the display, then John moves the camera to show his face. He looks like he hasn't slept in days and then got run over by a truck.]

Okay, here's the deal. It's pretty obvious by now that this place is a goddamn death trap just waiting to snap. And too many people are showing up unprepared. [In his humble opinion.] So, I'm gonna be offering free shooting lessons to anyone under 18. If you're over 18, you gotta provide your own weapon, but I'll take you.

[He's more worried about the kids, truth be told. Adults, they, but minors are...well. He's spent too long hunting to let kids just go on unprepared for things coming at them. It's not fair.]

There's one catch. You gotta prove to me that you're not gonna be stupid enough to blast a hole in your own foot before you can hit a target.

[That's fair, he thinks. He's not going to just put guns in kids' hands. Right away. Even Dean was seven before he let him shoot a real gun.]

And bring your own bullets.

Comments

video;

[needlebearer]

Don't you mean arrows?

[She'd love the opportunity to improve her shooting, but she's never heard of bullets and is pretty sure bows don't fire them.]

Re: video;

[failedparenting]

Guns don't fire arrows, kid.

[Honestly, it never occurred to him that some people wouldn't be acquainted with guns. They've been around for centuries, right? ]

I could probably show you how to fire a crossbow, it's just bulky to get around.

[needlebearer]

I prefer lighter weapons. A crossbow would be good for hunting, though.

Is a gun like a bow?

video;

[krmvgivv]

[........there isn't enough sarcasm in the world to express how much disdain Dipper has for this idea.]

You know what happens when you add more gun to a place that already has zero gun control, right? Waaaay more dead people.

Re: video;

[failedparenting]

[Ah, Dipper. There you are, with your bottomless well of preteen wisdom.]

What do you even know about gun control?

[You're like, 12.]

[krmvgivv]

[Technically 13!]

A lot. When are you gonna stop being surprised that I know stuff?

[He rolls his eyes.]

Are you planning on doing any screening past not gonna shoot themselves in the foot? Because I suggest also making sure they're not gonna shoot anyone else's feet.

[video]

[fulllifeconsequences]

[OH MY GOD. This is a marked upgrade from an empty gun some cat found in a dumpster. HOW CAN THEY REFUSE.]

Sign me up.

Re: [video]

[failedparenting]

Sure, kid. Have you ever used one before?

[You never know, some parents may share his "start 'em young" approach to guns and gun safety.]

[fulllifeconsequences]

Hm. Sort of? I had an empty one once, but there was no ammunition to be found.

[Hilarious, huh. A gun, and you can't use it the way it's meant to be used. But even if you're just hitting things with the butt end of it, it's still an upgrade from a stick, an old notebook, a plastic toy knife.]

I've had more practice with close combat anyway. It wasn't so bad.

video;

[littlestreetcat]

How're we supposed to prove that? You gonna give us some kind of test to prove we're not stupid or something?

[ If there's one thing Selina's not, it's stupid. But she is interested in some shooting lessons, even if it's not going to stop her from being a little snarky about it. ]

I mean, I get the point and all, but what really counts as proof that we're not gonna be dumb enough to shoot our own foot?

Re: video;

[failedparenting]

[You know, he'd forgotten how it was to be around preteens. It's been so long since Sam was that young, he kind of...forgot that they're all little shits.

Time to call on his parental patience, because his pride deserves better than some sassy kids getting on his last nerve. ]

That's why I start everyone out with BB guns. It hurts like hel- heck, but if you can't handle one of those, you can't handle a gun.

Audio;

[was_a_hunter]

Think I could borrow a gun? I could use a refresher.

Re: Audio;

[failedparenting]

[This is probably the first time Mary's been out of his sight in days, but he still smiles like a lovesick idiot to hear her voice. He still hasn't gotten enough of it, like he's a goddamn addict

Or, more appropriately, like he's his regular self and she's top shelf whiskey.]

Why would you need a gun? I've got it, baby.

Text »

[righthemisphere]

What's your recommendation for a reliable side arm? I wouldn't know what to pull.

Re: Text »

[failedparenting]

personally?

i stick with a colt .45 unless i need something specialized

video;

[nobell]

Wow. Because that totally sounds safe!

[If people could actually be sued here, this'd be a lawsuit waiting to happen.]

Are you even, like, licensed for this?

Re: video;

[failedparenting]

By the US government, yep.

[Well, kinda. The Marines. That counts.]

You want lessons, Buffy?

[video]

[punful]

[Are u kidding me tho.]

uh.

you sure giving kids guns is a good idea?

i mean, i guess i can understand teaching kids to defend themselves, but i'm pretty sure there's ways that don't involve supersonic metal death.

[It's bad enough when they have knives holy hell. Actually he's pretty sure that a certain kid has indeed come after him with a gun before, so you know, it's more the principle of the thing.]

Re: [video]

[failedparenting]

[You know, once upon a time, a talking skeleton would've caused a bigger reaction in John besides "soul-deep fatigue and resignation". What the fuck do you even do to a skeleton? Play it like a xylophone until it gets embarrassed?]

They all had access to guns before now. I'm teaching them how to use 'em without hurting themselves.

video;

[mypartnerincrime]

Shooting lessons, huh?

[Chloe definitely thinks that it can be fun... and useful. After all, her step-douche-- Woops. I mean step-dad-- never taught her how to shoot properly. Probably thinks guns are for guys only. How fucking wrong he was.

Chloe's always believed in gun control... that girls should be the ones controlling the guns. For protection, of course. Who knows, there might be some creepy fucktards lurking in Wonderland as well.

Bye bye beer bottles.]

Definitely another thing to look forward to. Where's it gonna be?

Re: video;

[failedparenting]

Outside, out back. You have any experience?

[John might be a stereotypical baby boomer, but he doesn't hold to ridiculous gender related notions like women can't handle weapons or violence. He's got about five scars to prove that wrong.]

video

[therapize]

...You know, I don't think there are words for how wrong this entire idea is.

[Because while yes, it is very true that Wonderland is a dangerous place and everyone should be wary? Arming children with guns is not a good solution. Geez Sam, how is this your father again?]

Re: video

[failedparenting]

[Okay, so it's not this lady, in particular, that pisses him off. But the replies he's getting are kinda getting up his ass.]

Yeah? Tell me, what's so bad about it?

video;

[mviw]

[Oh hey. You seem familiar. Met you a few months ago.]

Uh. I'm all about teaching people how to use a weapon the right way, but... Is that it with your screening process? "Don't shoot yourself in the foot"? You saw that kid get stabbed on the network, right?

[He's vaguely concerned about the ramifications of this offer of John's.]

Re: video;

[failedparenting]

[Look, John is still convinced in his rightness. There's nothing wrong with teaching kids responsible shooting. He, ah, just didn't expect killer kids. Who the fuck expects killer kids?]

I did not.

[In his defense...he hates technology?

No, there's none. He has none.]

Is that what Dipper's not telling me all about?