1 🐻 TEXT.

[accelerate]

[ have you seen a golden streak throughout wonderland? that's barry — the flash — scoping out the place. making sure it's up to snuff and reasonably safe (ha ha, another earth being safe? oh, barry) and searching for (1) the cheshire cat (2) the caterpillar with the hookah and (3) the queen of hearts, he's found himself so disappointed not to find (4) the mad hatter. it's like he's losing this scavenger hunt no one else is playing. ]

[ he makes sure his username is BEARY 🐻 for #reasons no one will ever guess. keeping his tone cheery and upbeat, barry's close to fooling himself that he doesn't feel so empty on the inside and infinitely defeated. ]

Little Barry fell
d
o
w
n
the hole
bumped his head
and idk about my soul tbh jw if I've gone mad here??

Okay, sorry, that wasn't a real question. Siri's not even answering me so I'm guessing it's just not even a good one to ask? What kind of Wonderland doesn't even have Jitters?

Assuming I've gone mad and I'm not going to lose my head, I've decided to come to my wise fish with a specific porpoise. Fish don't go anywhere without one.

I want to know when tea-time is (seriously, guys, I'm really, really, REALLY hungry and I could use some snacks, like high on the sugar, maybe cupcakes with icing, ice-cream in the cone, chocolate ...) and if I'm invited because I kiiiiiiind of waited in the tea-room for like an hour and a half at 6PM — ON THE DOT btw — and no one turned up? Like, come on, I'm a great party guest … even though I'm over a mile high.

What do I have to do to be in the cool kid's club????

Comments

[circlejerked]

Everybody knows 6PM is the magic hour, that's true. Wait long enough and I'm sure something will happen. Eventually.

Reading the Wonderland books was a good introduction to gibberish, I'll get the hang of it. But what kind of bamf are we talking? I can think of a few. The bamf sound a bird makes when it hits a glass window, or a stink bomb when it deploys, to name some examples that come to mind. Not sure that's the effect you're going for.

[accelerate]

[ joke's on you, anders, barry's not that stupid and he'd also spend that entire block of time on netflix, playing angry birds, some stupid video game, and texting iris. all useful and contributing things to society. this guy reminds him so much of harry he thinks to ask "yo harry what up." ]

You think of a bird flying into a window and a stink bomb when I type BAMF? You don't think of something cool? Do you KNOW anything cool? Because if you think Alice in Wonderland is gibberish, you need to see the Disney film. 10/10 would recommend when you're sitting around waiting at 6PM.

[circlejerked]

_{[Once more with feeling: you're gonna fit right in, son. There's a seat right next to the Duchess with Barry's name on it.]}

Was I not supposed to think that? Sorry, I thought that was a fill in the blank.

Ice is cool. Water is wet. Are we going somewhere with this?

[accelerate]

[ that's the best seat in the house! ]

We're going to ____ town.

You really want to know what TBH stands for? Scout's honor I won't lead you astray. I'm not like an unreliable navigational system, promise. But know this is a free lesson and there's a whole lot more where this one comes from. I charge a cupcake an acronym, JSYK.

And a good cupcake. None of these weak cupcakes without the sprinkles and icing on top.

[circlejerked]

Downtown? Boomtown? Clown town?

_{[You're an odd duck, Mr. Barry Allen, and Anders is still undecided on what to make of you. It's a good thing he has some experience sharing the pond with odd ducks.]}

In good faith, I'll let you in on a secret: the cupcakes come free. But all right, I'll play the student to your Mad Hatter.

_{[Enlighten him. Who doesn't love random acronyms?]}

1/2

[accelerate]

Wherever your imagination takes you, dude. Personally, I go to Honky Town.

FYI: If you have a cupcake and you see me coming around, you're going to feel compelled to give it to me just for this. ;)

[ he doesn't include the first session of barry-educates-anders in this text. no, he has to build some suspense. get the drum roll going. cut to a commercial break. be annoying as he possibly can be because it's the best way to steer his own grief and conflicting emotions into a great vacuum of being a smartass while playing detective in an incredibly obscure and dense-like way. ]

[accelerate]

[ as soon as the other text is sent, anders will receive this one on top of it (because barry's fast). ]

TBH:

To
Be
Honest

USE: When you want to express you're not lying and are expressing an honest and truthful fact.

EXAMPLE:

(1) TBH, I think you're going to give me a cupcake.
(2) You are deserving of more than one cupcake tbh, Barry.

[circlejerked]

I'd like to pay Cat Town a visit, myself. Whom should I expect to pay my tab to when the time comes?

<sub>[And how long should he wait to make sure Barry's not sending any more texts...? His phone's blowing up here. Admittedly, he's a little jealous of how effortlessly Barry can type. Oh, the woes of being born in the Dark Ages.

That mock lesson is beautifully tongue-in-cheek, though, well done. If given the "would this piss Velanna off" stress test, Barry's acronym assault would easily pass. Anders approves.]</sub>

So that's what that means. I feel more educated already in the many colorful uses of capital letters already.

[accelerate]

[ the fastest man alive is literally the best at speed texts. ever want your phone to malfunction on a horrible date? have barry be your wingman. ]

You don't HAVE to use capital letters, but this is the school of Bartholomew Henry Allen, so, we're a little prim and proper here. Pinkies up when you drink tea, etc.

Also YW. An acronym lesson a day makes your messages slightly more difficult to read, but at least you've improved your texting speed? #YOLO.

[circlejerked]

_{[Bartholomew. Now there's a name that would give anyone a complex, no wonder Barry is the way he is.]}

I never doubted you were a class act for a second. I can respect someone who demands nothing but the best sprinkles on their cupcakes.

_{[Maybe one day he'll even understand what Barry's trying to communicate...]}

What's BAMF stand for? Barry Allen Master of Fun?

[accelerate]

[ it doesn't mean that exactly, but barry will take it. is this manipulative, letting someone believe the acronym stands for that? it's not barry's fault anders had thought up something better. ]

It's exactly that. I don't like to boast. It isn't classy, you know? Rule #2 of BAMF class.

What's your name? So I know who to ask for when I go to Cat Town.

[circlejerked]

_{[It's only manipulative if he believes a single word of any of this, which they're in no danger of.]}

A modest guy like you? I wouldn't think it.

Anders is my name, being familiar with your world and its many colorful references is not, as you might have guessed, my game.

[accelerate]

Haha. 👊 👏

You're funny for a dude who doesn't know acronyms.

[ people who don't know acronyms are often suspected to be like harry — grouchy, with a side of being hilarious when they don't mean to be. he doubts anders is anything like that, even if he's lacking in the whole internet lingo speak (for now). there's potential for him to be a cracker of a jokester with references up the wazoo that barry's familiar with. it's his duty to cisco to corrupt him. ]

Where are you from? Suspecting with a shaky 80% solid 99% chance I have never heard of it.

[circlejerked]

_{[Why are there pictures of... hands? Are those hands? Is he laughing with his hands?]}

It's an uphill battle every day, but I try.

_{[This is definitely the humor of someone trying to mask the huge personal deficit they feel at not growing up with text-speak. Definitely. It's definitely that.]}

I have a feeling you're probably right. I'm from Ferelden in a world called Thedas. We have a soft spot for complete sentences there.

1/2

[accelerate]

[ and the win for barry allen: he literally has no idea where that is, even though he no longer has an excuse to suck at geography. ]

I talk in

My sentences are

BRB.

[accelerate]

[ the need to be a pain in the ass aside, barry doesn't necessarily need to "brb." a second after his joke of a response, this text arrives on the heels of the other. ]

If I went to Google Maps could I find Thedas on there?

[circlejerked]

_{[They're even steven because Anders has no clue what's being said, either. But you got him, that was pretty good. He laughed. Kudos.]}

Having only the faintest idea what BRB and Google Maps is supposed to be, I'm going to say... yes? Yes, you can. Sure.

_{[No, no, you really can't, but Barry can sure give it the old college try. He might find it somewhere between "Neverland" and "here be dragons."]}

[accelerate]

[ barry takes an uncharacteristic moment to reply. he's googling it, checking to see if anders knows what he's talking about. ]

[ unsurprisingly, he doesn't. instead of letting him know that, however: ]

Found it!

[circlejerked]

_{[Barry has learned an important lesson this day: always fact check everything Anders ever says because at least part of it is guaranteed to be bullshit.]}

Oh really? Where is it?

[accelerate]

[ the best thing about barry allen: he takes almost everything that isn't going to destroy him in stride. ]

A freckle past a hair.

A really thin, light hair. But it's there.

[circlejerked]

You got my hopes up you'd found the way home. :(

_{[Do you see that sad face? Do you? You've let down this lost little Thedosian, for shame.]}

[accelerate]

[ barry isn't too sure if anders is actually upset, or if he's playing with him. a small portion of him feels bad ... so he thinks to instil some hope: ]

I did! I found the door.

We just need the key.

[circlejerked]

_{[Teasing a homesick person with the literal key to their freedom? What a stone cold heart you have, Mr. Bartholomew Henry Allen. You really are cool!]}

You didn't use a TBH. Is that really an honest and truthful fact?

You wouldn't be trying to lead me on a wild goose chase, would you?

[accelerate]

[ if barry knew anders may have taken his message as a literal thing, he'd feel bad. but he suspects he's trolling a troll, having a grand time at making fun of a heavy situation, and that's why he doesn't feel much remorse. ]

[ what he doesn't know means he doesn't feel it, of course. ]

There are no geese around here, so this isn't a wild honk honk chase with a golden egg waiting for you at the end.

I don't think there are any around here, TBH.

[circlejerked]

I thought you said you weren't an unreliable navigational system? :'( is my code for my utter abject disappointment.

_{[Google Maps is a letdown if it can't produce the promised egg. More importantly, can they mix these metaphors any more?]}

I wouldn't say that too loudly if I were you. The geese might take offense.