Voice } i think it's time you learned a little better, the nature of this silly little mess...

[slapfight]

[this was in no way a good event for Peridot. oh, it had started out well enough, resistances, rebellion, standing up for the little guy, but it had all been wrong, and there for a brief moment, she was something she wasn't supposed to be. not in a metaphorical sense either. in a very real, very horrifying sense.

and then it was over. and she was back to being a gem, as if it had never happened, and was she supposed to forget that? forget that form, that body when she could remember it clearly. this is probably not bothering anyone else, but it's bothering her, and she isn't sure how to bring it up or discuss it or anything.

so she goes to her own stand-by... being bitter.]

Log Date... [she pauses, suddenly realizing she has no idea what the date even is anymore, and then goes on.] Undated Log zero-dash-zero-dash-one.

This is a public transmission from Peridot. Full designation "Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG," a gem formerly of Homeworld and currently of Earth. Allied with the Crystal Gems. [a snort escapes her- the sound pained] See that's the important word there- Gem. That's what I am. I can deny and change my intended purpose until my form dissipates, but I can't stop being a gem, am I right?

[another noise, this one more pained than the last.] As the last few days will attest, I am not right. At all. It seems whatever machinations Wonderland has in place cannot only take our memories, toy with our minds and sense of reality, and keep us locked on this miserable planet that's a poor copy of Earth, but it can also change our entire make-up on a whim. And who's to say it has to change us back? Are there people who've been stuck like this? [her voice rises, hysterical in pitch] Is this why there's a lizard that talks?? I've never seen a lizard that can speak on Earth! They just crawl around and do things with their tongues! I know, because I followed one around for most of an Earth cycle once out of sheer boredom! Maybe he was once a human, and Wonderland decided, "Why don't I just make him a lizard? It'll be great!"

[she stops mid-rant, unsure of where she was even going with this. she's fine. it's okay. she just... needed to vent about it. publicly. now the healing can begin?

right?]

Talking about what makes you feel bad is supposed to make it go away, right? Why isn't it working?

[maybe because that isn't at all talking about it, Peri.]

Comments

voice;

[slapfight]

[HRRRRRRRGH.] I know that! I know the way Wonderland events work- they're designed to torture and confuse us, but what I don't know is what the point of it all is? Why must I, the great Peridot, suffer this madness?

[whine whine whimper. what a drama queen.]

[circlejerked]

I'm pretty sure the point is that there is no point. The universe likes to laugh at us.

_{[He's been asking this for years.]}

I've given up trying to understand how I get into these situations. That's the part that'll make you mad.

[slapfight]

[SHE'S ALREADY MAD. SO MAD.]

Well, I am not content to be a toy for Wonderland's amusement.

[circlejerked]

_{[A different kind of mad. But both apply in this situation.]}

No one said you should be--

_{[Even if she kind of looks like one in her normal state, with her green coloring and helmet-y looking apparatus. But that's... beside the point. He's trying to be the moral support here.]}

Give it a few days. We'll go back to being ourselves and feel less like imposters in our own bodies.

_{[... Fingers crossed.]}

[slapfight]

And then we just pretend like it never happened.

[so deadpan.] Even I know that isn't healthy.

[circlejerked]

_[Wrong!]

Then we get our revenge and thrash who needs thrashing. And then seal up the Core and shut the gates to Wonderland permanently.

_{[Revenge fantasies are healthy, right?]}

And then go drink on a beach somewhere. I find it helps to visualize what you want out of life. You know, positive thinking.

[slapfight]

You make it sound so simple...

[she kinda likes it. it's simple, yet to bring it to fruition, you'll have to actively challenge yourself, because fantasizing about a thing won't actually let you have it. you'll have to think big and plan bigger.]

But I have planned my way out of bigger problems... [because the cluster drill will surely not fail.]

[circlejerked]

That's how I like to keep my life: simple.

<sub>[The only reason he hadn't gone utterly insane trapped in the Circle is because he'd ignored his losses and focus on the one gain he had in his sights--escape.

He understands that's oversimplifying Wonderland's violation of their minds and that it might not serve Peridot, but this event is a rough one. The least he can offer is a different perspective and a listening ear. Even just a presence to let her know she's not alone.]</sub>

It won't feel as bad when you come out the other end of all this and get to make a rude gesture at the Queen of Hearts. And if you temporarily end up a lizard along the way... well, your scales will be a nice shade of green.

_{[There, that's a nice thought, isn't it?]}

[slapfight]

[IS IT, ANDERS??? IS IT??]

I'm sorry. Was that meant to be a reassuring sentiment meant to comfort me? I'm still learning human nuance.

[circlejerked]

_{[It.... could be... if you squint?]}

That was called a silver lining. Not your color, I understand.

_{[He's actually building up to something, bear with him.]}

Don't worry, we'd find a way to turn you back. _{[Hand wave! Let's not get caught up in the details here.]} The point is, it'd be temporary and you're still you at your essence, no matter what shape you are. Wonderland can't change everything. I am who I am. They can twist around my memories and block my magic, but I'm still me, and you're still you.

[slapfight]

[she makes an agitated noise, but doesn't disagree.] I'm still adapting to the idea that I can just be... me. On Homeworld, I'm only part of a collective. There's no need to stand out as an individual, because we all have our roles to play. Now that I don't have to feel that way, I never want to go back to that.

[SURPRISE. honesty from the surly green gem. and she looks so sour about it too.]

[circlejerked]

_{[Anders' pause is short, but surprisingly thoughtful--surprising given the nature of her admission. He hadn't expected to relate to the identity struggles of a sentient rock.]}

Your home world and mine have more in line with each other than I thought. I couldn't get out of my kind of collective fast enough, either.

_{[The collective, communal, "conform or else" life? Not the life for him.]}

You shouldn't have to feel that way. Hold onto who you are with both hands, I say. Having to sacrifice yourself for someone else's greater good or Wonderland's idea of a fun weekend is wrong no matter the reason behind it.

[slapfight]

And when I dismantle Wonderland's programming from the inside out, it'll see how wrong it was.

[yes there's the angry little ball of rage we know and love.]

[circlejerked]

See? Positive thinking.

_{[There you go, little green ball of rage. Go forth and conquer. It's a much more productive use of one's pain and anger than letting oneself accept this torture is going to go on forever.]}