Voice } i think it's time you learned a little better, the nature of this silly little mess...

[slapfight]

[this was in no way a good event for Peridot. oh, it had started out well enough, resistances, rebellion, standing up for the little guy, but it had all been wrong, and there for a brief moment, she was something she wasn't supposed to be. not in a metaphorical sense either. in a very real, very horrifying sense.

and then it was over. and she was back to being a gem, as if it had never happened, and was she supposed to forget that? forget that form, that body when she could remember it clearly. this is probably not bothering anyone else, but it's bothering her, and she isn't sure how to bring it up or discuss it or anything.

so she goes to her own stand-by... being bitter.]

Log Date... [she pauses, suddenly realizing she has no idea what the date even is anymore, and then goes on.] Undated Log zero-dash-zero-dash-one.

This is a public transmission from Peridot. Full designation "Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG," a gem formerly of Homeworld and currently of Earth. Allied with the Crystal Gems. [a snort escapes her- the sound pained] See that's the important word there- Gem. That's what I am. I can deny and change my intended purpose until my form dissipates, but I can't stop being a gem, am I right?

[another noise, this one more pained than the last.] As the last few days will attest, I am not right. At all. It seems whatever machinations Wonderland has in place cannot only take our memories, toy with our minds and sense of reality, and keep us locked on this miserable planet that's a poor copy of Earth, but it can also change our entire make-up on a whim. And who's to say it has to change us back? Are there people who've been stuck like this? [her voice rises, hysterical in pitch] Is this why there's a lizard that talks?? I've never seen a lizard that can speak on Earth! They just crawl around and do things with their tongues! I know, because I followed one around for most of an Earth cycle once out of sheer boredom! Maybe he was once a human, and Wonderland decided, "Why don't I just make him a lizard? It'll be great!"

[she stops mid-rant, unsure of where she was even going with this. she's fine. it's okay. she just... needed to vent about it. publicly. now the healing can begin?

right?]

Talking about what makes you feel bad is supposed to make it go away, right? Why isn't it working?

[maybe because that isn't at all talking about it, Peri.]

Comments

[ceruleans]

[Few people know what this might be like as much as Mystique -- being forced into a form that she didn't want when she'd always been able to shift on a whim.

For her, though, this event hadn't been the problem -- it'd been the one before it, trapping her in a male body without the option to become anything else.

She presses her lips together tightly in her response video, unsure where exactly to start. She's not very good with comfort.]

At least so far, we eventually get to know they were events. We can make a separation from them that way, if we try.

I'm not saying it's easy, though.

[slapfight]

It's not separating it that's the problem! It's that they can do it at all. You don't reshape a gem after it's emerged from the ground. Not like that! Any Kindergartner knows that.

[video]

[punful]

[Oh, yikes. He knows how this feels. Being a mutant was...jarring. Having his life framed by something other than numbers and acronyms. Never mind what happened when the powers all faded.]

[There's an air of deep weariness to him when he answers. It's been a long few days.]

uh, for what it's worth...i think bill was always a lizard. i think he lives here? there are a bunch of people around who are like that--they're from wonderland, so. the usual rules don't apply to them.

[video]

[slapfight]

[in the huffiest voice ever]

How nice for him that Wonderland's stupid lack of rules and internal logic doesn't apply to him.

[madehervows]

Because you're not talking to anybody who cares.

[Is it an insult or advice or both?]

[slapfight]

[for her, it's an abject fact, but the person who would usually help her with this isn't here, and so she's had to ask the wider world, and WELL LOOK WHAT IT'S GOTTEN HER.]

I didn't know who else to talk to.

[brainmeme]

[Amethyst almost doesn't get it. She's always played loose with her form, always wanted to be anything other than herself. But even as a mutant, she had that ability. Apparently Peridot didn't.

Amethyst has never been great at cheering people up, but she's going to try.]

Wonderland plays by its own rules, yeah, but they're definitely still rules. Nothing lasts forever here. Not... being here, not people dying, not events. You're not going to turn into a lizard, Per.

[slapfight]

I was human, Amethyst. [SHE'D RATHER BE A LIZARD.

well no. that's a lie. as a human, she'd been a few feet taller than normal. that was nice. but at least with Amethyst, she can take this down to brass tacks and explain the less emotional and more body horror aspects of this.] I don't understand their chemical make-up at all. It was jarring.

voice

[wickedwest]

Never really thought it worked that way. You can talk and talk and talk, but it doesn't make the problem go away.

[Which doesn't stop her from talking or complaining, but hey, why suffer in silence, right?]

voice

[slapfight]

It's supposed to do something, otherwise we don't we just bottle all these bad feelings up forever until they're inconsequential? [you can pretty much hear her stamping her foot. WHY WON'T MY EMOTIONS BEND TO MY WILL. CURSE MY CAPACITY TO FEEL THINGS.]

[determinedest]

[Frisk can certainly recognize a breakdown when they see one. They've been both the source and observer of those kinds of things far too many times.]

I guess Wonderland just kind of...does what it wants. Maybe it wants us to feel like this. Always confused and questioning it.

[slapfight]

[agonized groaning] I don't like being confused. It's the complete antithesis to what a Peridot is meant to be- we adapt, we problem-solve, we don't take things as they are when they don't make sense.

[Text]

[mypartnerintime]

There's a Bill the Lizard in the book though, so I think he's always been a lizard.

What happened to you..?

[Text]

[slapfight]

THE LIZARD IS NOT THE POINT.

[...and then a second later]

Oh I just had my entire make-up reconfigured, my memories altered, and by the time I came back to myself I was still, however briefly, trapped in the slowly decaying body of an organic lifeform.

Usual Wonderland stuff.

[sciencelizard]

[Okay, so she's objectively missing the point, but...]

Well, uh... I've a-always been a lizard monster? And, uh, t-talked? And, uhm, the Underground was on Earth, so...

But, uhm, I don't t-think Wonderland has enough power to permanently, uhm, c-change who someone is. It almost shorted itself o-out just from that last event, and that w-was only a few days.

[slapfight]

[DRAMATIC SIGH.

PREPARATION FOR ONSLAUGHT OF OBSCENITIES AND SCREAMING ABOUT HOW LIZARDS ARE NOT THE POINT.

SUDDEN DAWNING REALIZATION THAT ALPHYS MAKES A GOOD POINT.

AWKWARD, YET ANNOYED, ACCEPTANCE THAT SHE HAS NOTHING TO YELL ABOUT.]

That is the first rational argument I've heard all day.

voice;

[circlejerked]

It's Peridot, right?

_{[Anders remembers her voice, and although the loss of his magic has had him in a bad way all day, he puts in the effort to sound like his normal easygoing self, just as he had when she'd talked herself into adopting a cat.]}

That whole mutant business dealt you a cheap shot, by the sounds of it. That was not how I would've chosen to spend my week. But it'll be over soon, Maker willing. You'll pull through.

_{[Whatever her version of "okay" happens to be.]}

voice;

[slapfight]

[HRRRRRRRGH.] I know that! I know the way Wonderland events work- they're designed to torture and confuse us, but what I don't know is what the point of it all is? Why must I, the great Peridot, suffer this madness?

[whine whine whimper. what a drama queen.]

[mulletrock]

[Just going off what he's already seen she has to be one of those alien rocks, but more importantly, she's clearly in pain. He's not sure what kind it is, these things are hard to read- but since he's not the type of guy to leave well enough alone he still has to suck it up and respond.]

Uh... Look, I'm not the best guy to go to for emotional breakthroughs but maybe you need less time on this network and more time in good company.

[That works, right? She probably shouldn't be left alone. She sounds hysterical, but maybe that's another "sentient rock from space" thing.]

[slapfight]

[but if she's not on the network, how will everyone know that she's in anguish and turmoil???]

I thought the network was "company." [not necessarily good, but they listen to her when she talks and that's pretty cool in her attention-starved book.]

voice

[reverseengineer]

[Oh this... this is that person she was a rival with in that weird mass delusion. Apparently not actually human. Apparently not dealing with that weird little blip in reality very well.]

So that's where the whole "Facet5" thing came from. It's actually a part of your name. Sort of.

voice

[slapfight]

[deadpan] It's shorthand. And what does that have to do with anything?

voice, to end }

[deathlessness]

Commiseration, I've found, can help in making you feel better.

[Or at least that's her experience.]

When you lose something so fundamental to who you are, it's never an easy thing to process. And it certainly doesn't make this right, either.

[slapfight]

[behold, the anguished noises of a gem who exists in a perpetual state of anguished noises.]

Do other people really feel this badly about it?

[Peridot pls]

voice;

[zigazigah]

[She doesn't know who this is, but it immediately stands out to Trish that whoever this is exactly, having a hard time is a bit of an understatement. Trish hasn't been in Wonderland all that long, so she's not sure if she's really the best person to offer comfort, but she decides to give it a shot. Her voice is firm, certainly no-nonsense, but there's something on the edges that's a little gentler than it would seem at first listen.]

I don't know if Wonderland does something like that. With everything that keeps happening, I don't think if they turned someone into a lizard, they'd stay that way forever.

[There's a beat before she adds wryly,]

Have to keep things interesting, right?

voice;

[slapfight]

[behold the anguished borderline angry cat noises of a tiny gem suppressing her rage.] Of course. They have to keep us somewhat intact, so they can keep tormenting us in new and inventive ways.

[video forever]

[drummeintheface]

Yeah! Wonderland is really dumb! I want my cloud powers back!

[Greg that is literally the opposite of what she's saying.]

[slapfight]

[CHILD WHY]

You actually want Wonderland to... just inflict things on you?

[like yeah, she wants powers too, SINCE SHE WASN'T MADE WITH ANY... that she knows, but she sure as sunshine ain't asking Wonderland for them.]

video

[therapize]

I'm sorry, but it isn't that simple.

[She's listened to the broadcast carefully before she replies, even replayed it so she's clear on all of the points. An identity crisis isn't exactly much of a surprise, but this is one of the first she's seen broadcasted so openly.

So it doesn't matter that this person--the Gem--comes from a world Cami doesn't know, or that she's masking her pain by being cynical. It doesn't stop her heart from aching for Peridot.]

It can help to talk about what you're feeling by letting you understand it, and acknowledging what's going on. But for what you're going through, there's no quick fix--especially not here.

video

[slapfight]

[does Cami expect a rational, well thought out response worthy of a gem of Peridot's intelligence, rarity, and value?

she's gonna be disappointed if so, because what she gets is frustrated noises.]

I do want to understand it, but I also want to make sure it doesn't happen again, and that's impossible.