001; Audio + Action

[signalized]

audio

[Being kidnapped isn't comforting for anyone, let alone someone as deeply paranoid as Bruce. He thinks of a rogue from Gotham that kidnaps young blondes and call them Alice. They're all mad in Gotham.

He wonders if they're all mad here too.

But he also knows how to mask that paranoia and rely on his public persona as he speaks over the network, choosing to keep to an audio post for now.]

My name is Bruce Wayne and while it is unlikely that my name has the weight here that it would have had at home but I figured I would put myself out there all the same. I'm sure you get tired of the same questions over and over again from new arrivals so I'll keep it to just this one.

What's the one thing you wish you had known about this place when you arrived? Advice or information that would have made the transition into Wonderland a little bit smoother, assuming such a transition is even possible, of course.

It goes without saying that you're free to leave more than one thing if you feel so inclined, I'm not going to turn away more information.

Thank you.

[And that's it, that's the post.]

Action

[After exhausting himself looking through the library he's managed to find the bar and order himself a drink to try to take to relax himself. Bruce doesn't remember the last time he felt this on edge -- which is saying something for him because he is always on edge in one way or another. This place seems mostly peaceful so far but it has to be some sort of deception. He was taken from his home, after all. And Gotham may not be the best of places but it is home and he'd like to get back to it. But he knows it won't be that easy, no one would bring that many people here without some sort of ulterior motives in play. They want something from all of them, the only question is what.

He throws back his first drink in one go. He can't imagine the catch is anything good but he has a feeling he'll know sooner or later. After all, there's always a catch. Some might call him cynical for jumping to conclusions like this so quickly but he likes to think he's being realistic. While Clark's death may have restored some well needed optimism to Bruce that doesn't mean he's blind to how cruel and ugly the world can be. He just knows now he has to try to be better than that himself.

What that means for him here, however, remains to be seen.]

Comments

voice;

[circlejerked]

Whatever you do, don't go near a closet when thinking about baby animals.

_{[Only in Wonderland does advice like this make any sense, but Anders is utterly serious. Believe him, he knows.]}

Oh, and beware the sea monster. It's temperamental.

Re: voice;

[signalized]

I'm assuming you're speaking from experience?

[But what if he misses his bat friends from the batcave???]

I would assume most sea monsters would be.

[Is he responding too calmly to the term sea monster? Well he did fight an alien abomination back home so you know, anything is possible.]

[circlejerked]

Did you know it's surprisingly hard catching a swarm of kittens? By the time you get your hands on one, another's wiggled free. Great way to lose your entire day.

_{[Definitely the voice of experience talking. He's not about to confess the incident happened long after he'd shed his newcomer glow, though. He has to make a token effort to hold on to some credibility.]}

This one hasn't lost a match yet. I haven't fought the thing seriously beyond a tussle or two, but it's common knowledge that escape by sea ends the same way--with you losing a life. Same goes for the forest, just so you know.

_{[Wouldn't want an eager beaver to burn through all five of their lives in the first week.]}

[signalized]

I'll have to take your word on it, as you sound like an expert.

[Not as much of an expert as some people though. Shoutout to his former boo, Selina Kyle.]

I assume that escape by sky doesn't go much better either, then.

[It's good to learn what not to try, at least.]

[circlejerked]

On living in Wonderland, chasing things that move in swarms, or cats? I dabble a little in all three.

_{[Only one of those is by choice, mind you.]}

It'll get you about as far as running in place will. But you can sprout a pair of wings and fly, I say go for it on the grounds that it'd sure be something to see.

[signalized]

I was talking about the swarm of cats but if you have other advice about Wonderland I'm all ears.

[It can't hurt to pick the minds of people with experience.]

Sadly, I'm wingless. [And without his Batplane, tragedy!!!] Which I guess makes it a moot point anyway.

[circlejerked]

You're in luck, I'm full of helpful nuggets of information! I accept coin or valuable gemstones as payment per answer.

_{[Just gonna let that hang there for a beat. Is he serious? Could be. The fun is in not knowing.]}

... Just kidding. Anything in particular on your mind someone with almost a year's worth of experience can help you with?

_{[There's nothing boastful about admitting you've been around the block for that long of a time, honestly. Yet if something good could possibly come out of his internment, it would be helping other newcomers adjust. It's a role he'd filled in the Circle, and it seems he can't quite shake that tiny voice of responsibility telling him to help others settle into their home away from home.]}

[signalized]

It's not like I don't have coin to spare -- though I imagine that money might not have the same worth here.

[It seems like a safe bet, anyway.]

People have mentioned the Queen of Hearts in passing but nothing specific about her, is she the one truly running things here? What is she like?

[circlejerked]

You never know. I could have a pot under a rainbow you don't know about. But how much coin are we talking about here? Ballpark me. Does this mansion say "small city" to you, or more like "small summer house"?

_{[Said with the universal curiosity of a poor person meeting an affluent person and wanting to know how many zeroes are in the bank account.]}

Oh yes, well. That might be because we rarely see her on this side of the mirrors. Her chambers are on the Mirror side, just like the alternate world where everything's reversed the books mention. She's a real piece of work, I can tell you that much. She won't be winning any congeniality awards.

[signalized]

Small summer house is probably closer to the truth.

[to be fair he donates a lot to charitable causes and stuff but yeah. he is rolling in that dollar dollar bills. it's the one way he can afford his very expensive vice of vigilantism.]

I didn't expect anyone who was holding us all hostage to be nice, but that's good to know. So she prefers it over there, or is she as stuck as the mirrors are?

[circlejerked]

_{[Richie rich confirmed! Now comes the universal ooooh sound of someone impressed. If those dollar dollar bills come with a title of nobility, Anders will soon be able to say he rubs elbows with nobles after bumping into Ferelden's future king in these very halls.]}

You're going to cry at the size of the hot tub, then. It's barely big enough to fit a sports team. Ah well, we all have to make sacrifices.

_{[He'll just have to settle for closets that can give him anything he imagines. You know, the real bare, gritty essentials.]}

The nice ones are scarier. _{[Except maybe the sleeping dormouse. There's not much that's terrifying about a sleeping dormouse.]} And I'd say it's definitely a strong preference. She's not all that fond of us Reals, as they call us. The other natives have a fondness for popping up just about anywhere.

[signalized]

[While lacking an official title he might as well be royalty in the modern era, what with what a national celebrity he is. The Kardashians have nothing on him.]

What a pity, you'd think they'd accommodate for the amount of people they've stuck here.

[All things considered.]

Other natives? Like white rabbits or mad hatters?

[circlejerked]

Apparently there are still size restrictions on a mansion that regularly grows and shrinks and has halls that spiral off forever.

_{[Sorry, Mr. Bruce Kardashian, you'll just have to make do.]}

You're getting warm! I haven't heard of anyone that's seen either, to tell you the truth, but talking lizards and Duchesses with pigs--that's all the same. You can go see Alice's bedroom in 865 on the first floor. Where Alice is concerned, she doesn't seem to remember ever being outside of this place.

_{[His words slow, tone slightly awkward. How to say this?]}

And she's... missing some body parts.

[signalized]

What a pity.

[Which is more of a concern to where he'll put a makeshift batcave, because yes, he's already thinking about that.

he makes a face]

I know some recent interpretations of Alice have been rather macabre but that's a little overkill.

[circlejerked]

Yeah.

_{[The awkward, low-spoken discomfort in that one word just about says it all.]}

Mutilated children, even ones who seem like more spirit than human, goes a long way to taking the "wonder" out of Wonderland. The Queen of Hearts' handiwork, I suspect.

[signalized]

She seems to have abuse her power here in perverse ways.

[circlejerked]

You mean "perverse abuse of power" wasn't at the top of the brochure's list to do and see? Funny, I thought it was. Ah well.

_{[Shocking that wasn't Evelyn's first line when it's practically Wonderland's motto. You'll come against your will, and stay for the flagrant violations of basic human rights! Yay, fun for the whole family.]}

That about sums it up, anyway. She's a flighty one, that Alice. I haven't gotten her to open up about the Queen other than that she's not a big fan, but if anyone must know Wonderland's secrets, it has to be the girl that started the stories off.

[signalized]

It makes enough sense that she might be the key to making sense of the place, as it presumably started with her. I'll have to keep an eye out for her.

[circlejerked]

That's what I wonder. But if she really did arrive from another world, she doesn't seem to remember it now.

_{[And Bruce can probably guess how well that bodes for them, being in her shoes. One day, should they stay long enough, they could end up just like her. Not the most comforting of thoughts.]}

How's that impending sense of doom coming along? It's a part of the welcome package, I'm sure you'll be getting one soon if you don't already. Like a complementary mint on your pillow.

[signalized]

It's pretty strong, not that I expected good things to come out of being kidnapped to an alternate dimension, not that I actually expected anything since I've never gone through this sort of thing before but either way the doom is looming pretty largely at the moment.

[circlejerked]

_{[Anders could have guessed the other man is feeling a tad stressed just by the fact he barely seems to take a breath while getting all of that out. Having been in Bruce's shoes once, he can relate--it's a lot to take in no matter what walk of life you come from.]}

It's not all bad.

_{[Bleak, yeah, but not as bad as it could be.]}

We get as much food and extra pillows as we want, and there aren't people demanding our heads be chopped off most days.

[signalized]

[his voice is dry, but not without humor, as he reply.]

But there are people demanding them some days, I take it?

[circlejerked]

Some days. I mean, the Queen of Hearts would be doing herself a disservice if she didn't live up to her image.

_{[Anders, no... You're not helping...]}

I'm kidding about that. Mostly. We do get the odd homicidal monster or serial killer in our ranks. So, you know--lock your doors at night.