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[ Sarah's lounging in bed, hair up in a ponytail, and she doesn't have much to say except: ]

Why are there no old people here? You know, like...I'm going to go out on a limb and say I definitely haven't seen anyone over 60. And I'm talking visually. Don't be a smart ass and tell me you're over 1,000, I get it, some of you are immortal or magic or...whatever. I'm just saying, no one appears to be over the age of, I don't know, post mid-life crisis.

I wonder why that would be? Wonderland has a youthful aesthetic to maintain? If you're over, say, 65 in human years, raise your hand.

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Excuse me? I'm f-fucking old as shit. Who gives a fuck? What's that goddamn well h-h-have to do with anything?

[ Wow, aggressive. ]

Sorry, did I offend you or something by asking?

No, you o-offended me by assuming all of Wonderland is goddamn Millenials and Gen-Xers when if you paid fucking attention y-you'd notice there's, there's, there's like at least twelve of us goddamn old-ass fuckers around here.

Wow, you probably make friends wherever you go, huh?

Are all twelve of you this charming? Maybe that's why I never noticed.

Oh wow, we're doing sarcasm! Y-Yeah, they, they call me Rick the Really Nice Guy, all throughout th-the galaxy!

Or m-maybe you just haven't been paying attention, like literally everyone else.

Well, thanks for the insight, I guess.

[ She'll let him decide whether or not that's sarcasm. ]

I'll try to keep my eyes open for the elderly.

You're so welcome.

D-Don't worry, y-you can spot us by our walkers and wheelchairs a-a-and the fact that we like pinching cheeks and handing out those, those, those shitty raspberry candies that come in those red foil wrappers that everyone who tries to eat them either, they either break their ffffucking teeth or choke on them, those candies, we're all just, we're just handing those out by the shovelful.

And root beer barrels. The ones that are unwrapped and live in your pocket for ten years before you r-remember them.

What, no butterscotch discs?

[ She can't help it. ]

Look, I'll pay more attention so you don't have to get upset over the network anymore. It was a general observation, and I've received a lot of general answers, and some pretty specific points have been made, so lesson learned.

Fuck Werther's.

I don't care what you do, j-just don't be an idiot if it's, if that's a thing you can even do.

[ Christ, it's like this guy has a porcupine shoved up his ass, and Sarah doesn't even know what to do with it other than be a sarcastic shit in response, and not even try to be pleasant.

Oh well. ]

I don't know, I just can't help myself when it comes to being sure I gain the ire of old men who seem to have a lot of time on their hands.

[As far as Rick's concerned, being a sarcastic shit is a whole lot better than being a whiny fuck or whatever.]

Who the fuck even are you?

Just some idiot resident named Sarah.

[ Might as well play into it. ]

Who the fuck are you?

Whatever.

Rick Sanchez, resident genius.

Well, as pleasant as this has been, Rick, I'm gonna let you get back to your Matlock and prune juice. Thanks for taking whatever limited time you have left to reply.

[ She gives him a mock salute; no respect for elders here, lol, then logs off. Also, she's pretty sure she's sleeping with the actual resident genius every night and it's definitely not Rick. ]

Go shove a selfie-stick up your ass.

[He flips her off in kind. Honestly, he much prefers it when people can sass him right back, it makes things a lot more refreshing.]

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[video] i am so sorry about him

[video] and I'm sorry that Sarah is not more fun lmao

[video] it's okay this is perfect

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[video] I'M SORRY

[video] IT'S OKAY I LOVE THIS

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[video] This was an absolute fucking delight I hope they're snarky at each other FOREVER

[video] i fucking love negative cr