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[felineavenger]

What an absolutely delectable distraction!

[A frightening feline visage graces the viewer. While it registers more or less as a cat in shape and size, there is something particularly off about it. The eyes are too big, and the mouth gapes, full of crowded teeth pointing in all directions. It’s visibly smiling, which is something a normal cat shouldn’t be able to do. Maybe this is what cats look like in nightmares?]

Such an array of colours and textures! I find myself mourning my poor ability to see all the different shades, but oh, the sensations underneath my toes! The feeling of raking my claws over the various chairs and couches in this lovely building is nothing less than sublime.

I’ve been missing out my entire life, only able to sharpen them against the cold metal of Zone 0. It makes a most unpleasant sound, but one must endure. Hygiene is very important, children.

And they have even made me a little present. While I would prefer some fresh quarry to chase, or perhaps something to open those vexing little tins with, this device is more than satisfactory. It is made just for the charming, rounded shape of my paws.

[It kneads them against the screen, purring in a satisfied manner.]

Tell me, my well-kept inmates, what is the purpose of our prison? I was thoroughly convinced that my world had been reduced to nothingness, as my wanderings proved fruitless, and yet I am here, vibrant and alive! The puppeteers have made quite the tangle of strings here, but it does not bother me any more than any other ball of yarn, which we cats are so expert at unraveling.

I implore you to tell me all you know. I am very, very curious.

[OOC: Before playing with The Judge, please check out his permissions post! He has a particular fourth-wall breaking power that you need to know about before engaging with him.]

Comments

[video]

[catinthemask]

So it seems that Wonderland has decided to bring in my feline friend! Buenos días, dear Pablo.

[So hands - or paws, in this case - up, who's surprised that Zacharie's here? Nobody. The Judge, at least, should be used to the NPC's shenanigans by now. He's got his cat mask on and appears to be pretty happy the cat is here. Haven't seen you in a long time buddy!]

In an effort to get the guide character out of the dark, this place is called Wonderland. You seem to be enjoying getting a feel for this place already!

[felineavenger]

Ah, Zacharie!

[The Judge gives a slight pause.]

I was momentarily surprised by your appearance, but your presence feels all the more natural considering our circumstances here.

And so I've heard! It is a wonder indeed, both in texture and scent. A veritable cornucopia of sensory delights! I will be very busy getting to know all its corners, and at what times the sun shines through all of these windows.

[catinthemask]

Well every game needs cute cats like ourselves, yes? Maiou.

[You're still not fooling anyone Zacharie.]

And I will happily tell you about those warm spots in question and provide a can-opener but there are a few things to note about this world. While we are well provided for, this place likes to prove the opposite of the word 'wonderful' and host various events that often follow the theme of danger, death and silliness for a laugh.

[As games tend to do. Sound fun, right?]

[video]

[jivitadana]

[Another talking cat? This one is definitely not of the Cheshire variety though.]

Welcome to Wonderland. How much have you seen of it?

[Since he'd be willing to show this cat around. Then again, it was a cat. It'd probably get to places faster than he could. It did know it was a prison, after all.]

[video]

[felineavenger]

Hello there! I have had a cursory wander here-and-there, but I think it will be quite some time before I have rubbed my cheeks on all the tables and chairs.

[video]

[jivitadana]

You'll have your chance except when there are events.

[Since there might not always be tables and chairs and the like during those.]

[video]

[battlefront]

So we've got talkin' cats now.

[He'd initially typed this out before he remembered - cats can't... type. He's seen Nanaki try before, and it can't be comfortable for them.]

[video]

[felineavenger]

Would you rather I not? I am also adept at other means of communication, such as meowing, purring, and hissing. However, it is my experience that creatures outside of the feline persuasion have a hard time parsing that language.

[video]

[battlefront]

Nah, it's alright. But I should probably let you know there's another talkin' cat that lives here. One of the residents, I think.

video

[determinedest]

[They've got more experience with dogs than they do with cats, but they've nothing against cats personally. It's not the fact that it's a talking felid that arrests their attention, so much; it's the fact that he mentions Zone 0.

The child on the video screen possesses features one can really only describe as "flat," and even if they do not appear to be particularly surprised, they certainly do sound intrigued.]

I've heard of that place. Zone 0.

[felineavenger]

Have you, child? Are you familiar with the cradle of my world?

[video]

[sciencelizard]

[Okay. Okay. Forgive her, Judge, but she can't just see a talking cat and not think magical girl anime familiar. She just can't.]

Are you... a c-cat? I mean, like, really a cat, not like, a cat monster or, uhm, just someone pretending to be a cat for uh, I don't k-know, fun?

[video]

[felineavenger]

I am a cat, through and through. Nothing out of the ordinary.

[You know, aside from being able to talk, and fight, and having a face like a drawer full of knives.]

[Video]

[mettatonvevo]

[Well! Would you look at that! A cat! How interesting!]

Well, what questions do you have, my fine feline friend? I will provide whatever answers I am able!

[Video]

[felineavenger]

That's a good fellow! Would you have any idea how I happened here? Cats are very good and showing up where-ever we please, but I did not plan this excursion at all.

video

[naughty_nurse]

[welp, add talking cats to the list she needs to study about.]

Um...I-I don't think there really is a purpose?

video

[felineavenger]

There is always a purpose, dear girl. Even what seems like poetic nonsense once had meaning within the mind of its creator.

video;

[eatsyourscience]

[.............]

Can I pet you?

[This is clearly the most important thing right now.]

video;

[felineavenger]

And that is the question on everyone's lips today!

[Ahaha.]

Of course you can pet me, my grey and handsome fellow.

( video. )

[duckies]

( another from their world. how strange wonderland is turning out to be, and how utterly terrifying. if wonderland is even willing to bring what seems to be an out of place being to most others, then who's to say that they wouldn't bring the ducky here too? it makes her shiver, that even he could come and ruin what isn't even home. but he isn't yet - it's her and zacharie and now the judge, abd she takes some comfort in thag at least. )

Judge. ( her dotted cheeks stretch as she smiles into the camera, her fears covered beneath the happiness at having another familiar face here. ) Welcome to Wonderland. It's strange here :-)

( then again, their world would be strange to others too. ) When... what is the last thing that happened in the Zones?

( video. )

[felineavenger]

Tender Sucre. [The Judge has a special smile for her as well. She was a soft thing, different, like the Queen, and she deserved his best manners.] It is good to see you well. How does Wonderland find you today?

I'm afraid that there is not much left of the Zones at all. I erred in my purpose, and thus, I am left only with regrets.

[video]

[punful]

[Sans has a pet cat, so it's not like he doesn't know what cats are supposed to look like. It would be a lot more unsettling if Sans wasn't a constantly-grinning skeleton who frequently unsettles people himself.]

[There's something kind of familiar about the way this cat talks.]

there's a pamphlet, yanno. just like any decent vacation spot. i could send it to you if no one's sent it already.

[video]

[felineavenger]

No need, friend. I enjoy the more difficult routes. Reading instructions is all well and fine, but nothing beats a proper tutorial given by a professional.

[Like himself. Purr, purr.]

I must say, I have never seen a set of smiling teeth so broad as to match my own. Are you some type of ectoplasmic entity?

video;

[circlejerked]

<sub>[Anders would be a poor cat lover if he failed to notice a talking cat on the network that wasn't the Cheshire Cat mumbling his way through another riddle.

But Maker's breath--this is sure one snuggle-toothed kitty. And why's its head so big? The whole sentience thing has been covered, so he's moderately less surprised by that (which maybe he shouldn't be. Wonderland desensitizes a man to weirdness like an overdose of novocaine.)]</sub>

Was that a "curious" pun? Because of Wonderland. Just... you know, curious.

_{[If we're going full "curiouser and curiouser" here, give him a heads up to prepare.]}

Follow up: so, silly question, but--you're a cat?

video;

[felineavenger]

Of course it was a pun. They are one of the most delightful aspects of language.

Indeed I am. And there is no better thing to be; everybody loves cats.