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[The voice is so achingly familiar that for a moment Natasha goes absolutely still, breath frozen in her lungs as she stared at the familiar face she hasn't seen in almost a year. She doesn't know what to think, Avengers have been tumbling in left and right over the past few days so there were certain faces she was expecting to see pop up but his...

Wonderland, that was just cruel.

She fumbles quickly for her phone, her typical grace forgotten in her haste to reply, as if her taking too long might see him vanishing before she can make contact with him, even if logically she knows that's unlikely. She's breathless when she pulls up a feed, her chest tight, her calm composure strained in ways she'd usually never allow. It's convincing enough to someone who doesn't know her well, but for those who do...]

Sir. Where are you?

[ If there's guilt for knowing that Pepper and Stark are here, it pales in comparison to this. He's had to lie to a lot of people since his death and it hadn't felt good, but he's worked hard to not focus on certain people and Natasha's one of them.

He takes a moment to compose himself before he answers. ]

I'm outside.

[ There's no smile on his face, not because he isn't happy to see her, but because the guilt outweighs it by that much. He'd kept everything a secret on Fury's orders and knowing what he now knows about TAHITI, he does understand why, but that somehow doesn't make it feel any better. ]

Do you want to come here or should I go to you?

[She's already moving, out her door, down the hall, headed for the stairs.]

I'll find you. Outside's not very specific, sir. Care to narrow it down for me?

[She sounds all business but it's deceptive, belied by a tension that thrums just beneath the surface. She's inwardly cursing the decision to room seven floors above the ground but still manages to all but fly down the stairs, is out the front doors a few moments later, green gaze hastily scanning her surroundings.]

I'm not far from the mansion's entrance. I'll head there.

[ He's keeping his face schooled and his voice even as he walks over and he does force himself to walk, even though he wants to run, so he gets there moments after she steps out of the door, picking up his pace when he has her in his sights. ]

Agent Romanoff.

[ Keeping it together right now is one of the hardest things he's had to do in a long time and he's not even sure if he's doing it more for her or himself. ]

Natasha.

[ He stops just out of reach. ]

[She's standing still when he stops in front of her, her gaze drinking him in, taking in everything about him. He looks fine, unharmed, just as she remembered, as if nothing at all has changed. Although there's something in his expression...

She doesn't dwell too deeply on that for the moment because there's just sheer relief at seeing him. And he's saying her name - her first name, which is rare enough for them when they so often keep it professional. Except when they can't keep it professional, when the world is crumbling down around them, when a mission goes pear-shaped, when he needs to snap her attention to the here and now.

It works, just like it always does and she almost lets her composure wash back over her, almost falls back on her old defenses, the careful distance she usually keeps between herself and everyone else. It's safer that way, she knows it, but she can't find it in herself to pull it off this time.

Instead, she gives into the wholly unexpected urge to close those last few steps and throw her arms around him.

She'll think of an excuse later.]

Phil.

[ It's a statement of just how shaken she must be that she's hugging him and he knows that. There's a difference between being capable and being willing and while he would never say that he thinks her incapable of warmth, he rarely expects her to be willing to give it like this.

His own arms come up to pull her into a hug that lasts as long as she'll allow. He doesn't need excuses or defenses. It's no secret that Natasha is important to him. Even unable to speak to her, he's kept tabs on her as much as he's been able all these months. ]

I'm sorry.

[ Orders or not, he owes her that. They all get their share of difficult orders and emotionally stressful assignments and he would do it again, but that doesn't make it less painful and it doesn't make him any less sorry that he'd had to cause her pain. ]

[The apology is so... so him that it startles a laugh out of her, choked and muffled against the shoulder of his suit. Her arms remain tight around him, although she feels a little silly now, unsure what to do next, because this is very unfamiliar to her but she doesn't regret it. He's real and breathing and for the moment that's enough to her. She doesn't know how he's here, what magic Wonderland might have procured to pull this off, but she doesn't care.]

Only you would show up here and apologize to me for dying, Coulson. I'm sorry too. I should have...

[...gotten there in time. Not frozen in fear and pain after her confrontation with the Hulk. She'd managed to stop Clint, yes, but if she'd been a little faster, a little more resourceful, predicted what was at play a little better, could she have gotten there before...?

She was the one who watched their backs and they watched hers. Until she'd failed and he'd paid the price. It's an argument that's played more than once in her thoughts in the months since New York. One she's tried to push aside but it comes back at odd moments. When someone else's voice is in her ear giving her instructions. When an op goes sideways and she has to hope her makeshift extraction will be met halfway. When she and Fury butted heads and he wasn't there to smooth things over and play mediator until they could come to an agreement. Moments when the hole his absence left in all their lives gaped unexpectedly underfoot, tripping her up all over again.

She clears her throat, aborting that sentence, that line of thought, pulling back to give him a wavering smile, her gaze locked with his.]

It's good to see you, Sir. SHIELD's gone to shit without you.

No. No, I'm not sorry that I died.

[ It had happened and it had been necessary. He went into that room fully aware that he could die, just as he goes on every mission with the awareness that his job is more dangerous than most.

He shakes his head, more to clear it than anything. ]

I'm sorry my orders made it so that I couldn't tell you that I was alive.

[ He's not going to lie now. She's seen him and there's no point in lying about this anymore. He'll keep to the spirit of his orders and he'll keep TAHITI a secret for now, but that's it. ]

I wanted to tell you and Barton.

You...

[She goes tense and still when he reveals that, unguarded surprise flickering across her face for a moment and it's not what she's expecting, not at all.]

But we saw... Fury... [She starts, stops, starts again and all it takes is Nick's name slipping past her lips for her to have her answer.] Fury.

[It hurts, more than she anticipated. She feels that same flash and burn as she did when she sat beside Fury's bed, listened to him say I wasn't sure who to trust and know that he included her in that number, after the tears she'd shed, the lengths she'd gone to. It's sharp and unexpected and she's half turned away before she even realizes it, arms wrapped snugly about her middle, posture almost defensive.]

It's been a year, Coulson.

[It comes out sharper than she intended. She doesn't know why she's surprised. She's always known Fury's secrets ran deep but this, on top of everything else...]

We were never supposed to find out, were we?

[ He swallows, taking in her reaction. It's what he'd expected and it's why the longer he'd hidden, the more he'd been afraid to even try to think about ever reaching out to any of them again. The longer the lie was kept, the more it would hurt. He knows that and he only hopes that he'll be forgiven for it in time. Duty or not, it's weighed on him in a very personal capacity. ]

No. No, it's above your clearance. I don't think Fury ever planned to let you find out.

[ He thinks, bitterly, that it was because Fury hadn't trusted them to be able to put him down if they'd had to. Instead he'd left that responsibility entirely with May. Lies upon lies. It's in the nature of the job, but some things go beyond that. There are people, like Natasha, who Phil trusts, not because it's her job to have his back, but because he just knows that she'll have it.

Maybe Fury can't see that. He hadn't even trusted Phil entirely to know all of his secrets and Phil has always been loyal to him. ]

Very few people knew.

[Above her clearance level. Of course it was. Above all of them, she was certain. She knew Clint was unaware - he'd taken the loss as badly as she had. Steve would have never kept something like this a secret and Tony... She wasn't sure Tony could keep a secret for longer than five minutes unless you gagged him.

Her fingers curled tight against her arms until her knuckles were white and there was a tight knot in her stomach as she struggled to regain her composure.

It was ironic, really, how much she hated being lied to, considering who and what she was.

She pushes that away for now, turning back to him, meeting his gaze and if there's the faintest hint of bitterness in the curve of her lips when they quirk upwards, it's not there intentionally for him, just the last bit of strain remaining as she tries to remake her careful mask.]

Well in that case, maybe I should just apologize for the mess we made instead. Sorry, Sir. At least you're not required to deal with the paperwork on this one?

[ Seeing her like this is tough when he's so used to her keeping it together. He can't imagine how Barton's going to react and out of the two of them, he would expect her to be more together. As it stands, he knows that now they'll have to tell him now. He can't ask her to keep this from him.

He appreciates the change in topic, because he could use a moment to breath, himself. ]

As long as we're alive, there's still a SHIELD. You're always welcome on my team.

[ Maybe they hadn't needed her skill set or Barton's, but much as he loves his current team, not working with his friends at all had left a hole. Now that SHIELD is all but gone, he wants to offer a home to anyone loyal, especially his friends. ]

We're trying to catch the dangerous individuals and artifacts that escaped when the Fridge was broken into.

The Fridge?

[This is news to her, but then again she'd been deeply caught up in red tape in the direct aftermath of the attack on the Triskelion and then dragged here, so apparently she's missed something important.]

Hydra hit the Fridge? [Thaaaat... was really bad and a consequence they hadn't planned for.] Well. Isn't that pleasant. Apparently my vacation will be shorter than anticipated when I get back.

[Still, her gaze flicked to him, quick and intent. And far more cautious than normal as she searches his face.]

And I think the government might have a few objections to that, Coulson. They're not really happy with us right now. Me in particular. [A pause as she debates whether or not to voice the next question or not. She does anyway.] You have a team?

[ He nods, focusing on the fact that he's doing the right thing and not on the fact that he's technically operating illegally. ]

I have a team, but I don't think the government will be bothering us. I'm technically dead and all of our records have been erased thanks to one of my agents. As long as we keep ourselves under the radar, we should be fine for a little while. We have a base and everything.

[ And plans. Phil has plans. SHIELD or no SHIELD, they're going to do the right thing and they're going to get those dangerous criminals back behind bars. ]

We have a place for you if you want it.

Under the radar.

[She gives a little laugh at that and tilts her head back, staring up at a blue cloudless sky.]

I think it's a little too late for that, Coulson. Where I'm concerned, at least. It's going to take me a while to get off the radar. If I even can.

[In her own way, she's still mourning the loss of her identity, the life she'd created for herself. She didn't regret her actions, but that didn't mean she couldn't miss what giving up everything had cost her. Yes, she'd started from scratch before, but it wasn't something she particularly enjoyed.]

All your records might have been erased, but it's a little late for mine. It's all out there, Phil. Everything in my file. Every act and every secret SHIELD had on me. It's made me a very unpopular person. You should be fine for a while. You're smart, you're good at staying three steps ahead of everyone else, when your head's clear. My presence there wouldn't help you at all.

[She flashes him a wry smile then, tinged with a cynical knowledge as she motioned to their surroundings.] Besides, we have other things to worry about first.

Edited 2014-05-01 03:35 (UTC)

[ Phil would make it work for Natasha. He'd find a way to have her with them if she wanted it, but he lets the topic drop for now. There really are more pressing matters at hand.

The SHIELD leak is a problem, but he knows Fury and there's no way that everything was even in the system. That man's secrets have secrets. If the truth about TAHITI hadn't leaked, there's no telling what else was still hidden.

Of course, that brings up the question of why Natasha's files weren't buried deeper. He's going to look into that when he gets the chance. For now, they have Wonderland to contend with. ]

How long have you been stuck here, anyway? And who else is here? I've had enough surprises for one day.

[ And by surprises, he means emotional gutpunches. ]

[She gives him a look, because really, he was the one complaining about the surprises? But she crosses her arms over her chest and slips easily back to business, giving him the debrief like she has countless times after countless missions.]

Steve and I arrived right around the same time, a week ago today actually. We're also close to from the same time, although not exactly. If you haven't heard yet, apparently Wonderland likes to not only drag people in from all over multiple universes but also multiple times. Steve's last memory before waking here is the helicarriers crashing into the Triskelion. I have about a week after that.

In addition to us, his partner from the war showed up. Bucky Barnes, of the Howling Commando fame and I'm not going to go into more detail than that because you probably know more about his history than I do. It was just us for a few days and then strange things happened here in Wonderland and there was lots of singing and then the others started showing up.

Pepper Potts is here, and Tony. They're from months ago, back over Christmas during that whole mess with the AIM and the Mandarin. [She's assuming he knows about that.] We've also got Jane Foster and Darcy Lewis, they arrived a little while ago, although I don't have details on when and where they're from just yet.

And... [She hesitated a moment, subtly of course, but he'd know her well enough to know that was unusual for her. Her lips pressed together a moment before she continued.] Loki is here.

[ He nods at each name, going over his conversations with everyone as their names come up. Her comment about Bucky has him smiling, although it's more about her knowing him well than about Bucky. Well, no, that's a lie. Bucky Barnes. Phil had an action figure of him as a kid. The real thing looks less constipated than the action figure version. ]

Alright, I've touched base with everyone, save for the one obvious exception. Have you assessed his risk to others here?

[ It's interesting and he makes note of the fact that he, Rogers and Natasha are from around the same time, but many of the others are from earlier--Bucky likely the earliest, but maybe he shouldn't make assumptions about Loki.

Part of him wants to ask about Barton. She hadn't named him, but it seems like half the other Avengers are here and he selfishly wants Clint to be here. ]

Not entirely.

[She admits it reluctantly because so far they haven't had a chance to do as much reconnaissance on the Asgardian as she would be comfortable with. But then again, Wonderland in itself could be a little overwhelming. They've had other things to assess.]

What I do know is that his presence here is similar to ours - he was brought too and I don't think he's very happy about it. He's trapped and still here but in the week I've been here, I haven't picked up anything overwhelmingly alarming.

[Unless him and Steve singing Disney ballads to each other counted. She really thought it should.]

He was among the first I met here, actually. Tried to pass himself off as Thomas, a normal human, but he only altered his own appearance to be less.. well. Loki. So I'm not sure what the point of that was, other than to unsettle me. He even spoke of forming alliances.

... Interesting. If he wants peace, that's what we want, too, but I can't say I trust him to not have ulterior motives.

[ He's pretty sure Loki's ulterior motives have ulterior motives, because he's seen exactly how Loki operates. If there's a chance at peace between them, he's all for it, but trust isn't happening. Those are two completely different beasts. ]

And so far he's already tried to deceive you, so that's not a point in his favor. Let's keep an eye on him and hope that he keeps his head down.

Coulson, I never trust anyone not to have ulterior motives.

[He gets a wry look for that. Not to mention that's an understatement because she rarely trusts anyone. It's not something she's hardwired for.]

And if he'd shown up as himself, I might have gutted him with a steak knife before he said anything, so it was a wise move on his part. I can respect as much. It's not like I haven't done similar things myself.

[And if anything, Natasha's all too familiar with the concept of enemies unexpectedly turning into allies when situations change. Loki had done many unforgivable acts, but she had too. Trust would be stretching things but Wonderland had just changed all the rules on them.

She just wasn't sure any of her teammates would see it from that point of view. And Coulson... well, he had his own personal reasons not to want to deal with Loki, which she understood all too well.]

[ There are things Phil considers too personal to ignore, but his own death isn't one of them. He'd put himself there and Loki would have killed anyone who had. It is what it is. Loki's not a good person, but Phil can work with him if need be. Betrayal stings a lot more than someone who's always been an enemy. ]

Fair enough. At least he's not trying to actively kill everyone.

[ He rolls his eyes. ]

Where are you sleeping?

[ Of all the strangers and familiar faces, there's no one here he trusts more than Natasha and if that's where he's sitting (and he suspects that she's of much the same mindset), then he wants to set up camp close by. ]

Yet.

[She amends his statement lightly, giving him a bemused smirk despite the seriousness of the topic. Then again, she's always had a strange sense of humor.]

Steve and I have rooms up on the seventh floor. I can show you, if you'd like? That's part of the whole... magic deal, by the way, if you haven't been informed yet.

Three square meals and a bed? It's just like prison.

[ He smiles and starts to head towards the mansion again. If they're rooming near each other, that only makes it easier to keep an eye on both of them. They should stick together as much as they can here until they learn more.

Holding the door open for her, he glances inside, still wary of what could be hiding out of sight. ]

If prison had magical rooms and closets you can wish anything from?

[Her tone is dryly amused as she walks with him, hiding a smile when he opens the door for her and slips inside to the foyer, looking completely at ease. She's stopped treating every hallway as a potential threat for the moment, letting some of her hyper-vigilance fade, although she was anything but unwary. Anyone - or anything - that thought her apparent complacency was an advantage to be pressed was someone she wanted to meet. If only to assess what threats they might actually have here.]

Also I should probably warn you about the mirrors, if you haven't heard already.

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