01 ☂ Video

[restinglichface]

[For someone from a place of slightly more primitive technology, Lup seems to get a handle on her handheld device quickly enough, the elf framing her face perfectly in the screen, mouth curled to the side in a sharp grin. She looks totally in her element, confident and poised despite knowing nothing of this place or of the people who run it.

The one thing she does know is she needs out of here. Pronto.

For those unfortunate residents of Wonderland who know Taako, they may mistake this woman for him considering they share the same identical faces and long, elven ears. Her voice is a little different, naturally, but hey, elves get sick sometimes too, right?]

Now, I don't want to crush your game, but I'm gonna need the name of the nerd who runs this place, because I'm a busy woman who has exactly zero time for this bullshit. I can't fault you for wanting some of the good, ol' Lup brand to sparkle up this place, but it just isn't going to work.

It's not me, it's deffo all you.

And hey-- [She holds up free hand in front of the camera, which certainly looks to be on fire.] If you don't want to come out and face me yourself, I'll just start burning it down. I have a feeling that garden out front is gonna make for a pretty choice blaze. And I've got spell slots to burn, baby.

Your move. [And okay, that ending is slightly marred by the fact she struggles to figure out how to disconnect the call, but still!]

Comments

[video forever]

[mydude]

[What the fuck.]

What.

The fuck.

[restinglichface]

[Oh. Shit.

That confident, poised expression? Gone in a flash. Because after two months away from her heart, there he is.]

Taako. You're-- [She's not going to cry. Absolutely not. Instead, Lup shakes her head, willing those pesky emotions away.] What are you even doing here, dingus?

[audio]

[scoutsniper]

Some bitch calls herself the Queen of Hearts. Apparently.

[He's had enough hard work to pull any info out of anyone himself. He can relate to zero fucking time for bullshit here.]

Lives in a mirror or some shit. [Yeah, that part...makes no fucking sense.]

What are you, some kinda amateur arsonist? [Because they may have problems in that case.]

Audio;

[restinglichface]

Queen of Hearts, huh? Sounds fake. And dumb. [a beat] Both. Definitely both.

[Hey, it's not much in the way of info, but it's more than she had two minutes ago. The 'lives in a mirror' isn't the weirdest thing Lup's ever heard, so she'll accept that one without comment at least.]

Anything but amateur, my man. This chick's a bonafide pro. Trust me, there's no amateur wizards out there with this kinda power.

Video

[singloversing]

[The appropriate response to this threat is obviously P A N I C.]

O-Oh my gosh, please don-- don't do that! I-It'll probably spread to the mansion and that'll catch fire and a whole bunch of us live here and like, we super don't want to be here either but we definitely don't want to be on fire either!

[PLEASE DO NOT SET THE MANSION ON FIRE HE AND ALL OF HIS POETRY LIVE IN THERE.]

[restinglichface]

[The fire in her palm is already out by the time Wirt gets halfway through his panicked message, Lup's confident smirk having dropped off by the time he finishes.

Her threat had been simply that. Lup may have always lived her life with semi-questionable morals, but killing innocents has just never been her jam. Especially not now, when she now has the death of thousands weighing so heavily on her conscience. She just couldn't possibly burn down a whole mansion, even if it meant getting back there. (There, not home. That world isn't her home.)

Jeez, things sure would be so much easier if she didn't have morals.]

Look, I'm not going to burn down your crappy garden, kid. Calm down. I'm not a monster.

video; HOW FUCKING DARE YOU??

[nascensibility]

[Evelyn, the Wonderland equivalent of a very angry moth, is drawn to every flame in her near vicinity because she has a vested interest in this place and everyone and their bloody aunt is always trying to burn it down. She supposes it might have been asking too much, to hope that she could go a year without seeing someone threaten arson.]

Put the fire away and you'll get as much information as I am capable of offering.

[A crisp, enunciated accent crackles over the line, accompanied by the face of a woman in her thirties.]

If you set anything aflame, rest assured I will find you and make you regret it.

[restinglichface]

[Sorry, Evelyn. Time to set the Days Since We've Been Threatened With Arson counter back to zero.

Maybe surprisingly, the flame dancing in Lup's palm disappears almost immediately, the elf drawing her device closer to her face, to give the impression that she's listening.]

That's all I was asking. [Like her demands had been so simple.]

Look, I'll level with you. I'm not here to fuck with your shit or hurt people. I just need to get out. There's lives in danger if I can't get back in time. Hundreds, thousands... [And not even Lup can keep the soft touch of sorrow in her tone at those numbers, guilt tightening in her chest.] How do I leave?

[video]

[normandysbest]

[Why is it someone comes in and threatens Wonderland like, at least once a month nowadays? She's grinning as she turns the video on, because at this point it's just funny.]

I could give you names, but if you're hoping to threaten them with property destruction, everything fixes itself automatically, so it's not a great bargaining chip.

[restinglichface]

[Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!

The fire in her palm dissipates in an instant, leaving the elf looking a little less enthused. That kind of fucks up her whole 'threaten them with arson' plan.]

Well, good for you, I won't even need to do that if you lay down the deets I need. I'll skip the public arson spiel and just go straight to kicking the shit out of whoever's in charge.

[video]

[sciencelizard]

Uh, so, uhm, lighting this place on fire isn't going to be h-helpful, for, anybody--

[Wait. She knows that face. At least slightly? What is happening.]

... Do you know, uhm, somebody named Taako?

[restinglichface]

[Oh huh. It's been quite a few cycles since Lup last saw a dragonborn. Though Lup isn't quite certain if she's ever seen one that looked so nervous before.]

Yeah, yeah, you're late. I've already heard the 'arson is bad' pitch a few times. Get off my ass. [Sorry, Alphys. It's been a Bad Day.

The mention of Taako, however, seems to capture Lup's attention immediately, the fire in her hand disappearing as the woman draws her device closer, suddenly very interested in what Alphys has to say.]

Yeah, sure do. That dingus is my brother. You know him?

[video]

[nodogsonthemoon]

[Hope you enjoy getting blank stares, Lup, cause that's exactly what Magnus is giving you right now.]

Uh...Who are you and why do you look like Taako?

[restinglichface]

[Not. Fucking. Again.]

Magnus, not you too. It's me! It's Lup! I'm Taako's--[But whatever she says is lost to that familiar static that Magnus would know so well by this point. This was some Bureau shit.]

video

[determinedest]

Please don't.

[That's...definitely a child beseeching her patience on the video screen. Just putting that out there.]

We had to stop the last person who set things on fire. Some people died.

[restinglichface]

[What the-- Why are so many children here?]

Stop trying to guilt me with your soft, squishy, flammable face, kid. I'm not going to kill anyone. Just looking for answers and an express ride back.

video;

[krmvgivv]

Spell slots? [Sup, have a very interested tiny child looking at you eagerly. He should probably be more worried about the fire thing, but he's sure other people will cover that and anyway, this is way more important.] Are you a wizard? What level are you?

[He's known for a while that the line between fiction and reality is pretty non-existent here. If people from comics and classic literature can exist, why not people from Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons campaigns? And she sure looks the part.]

[restinglichface]

[Hey, any small reprieve from being flat out scolded is pretty much fucking rad as far as Lup is concerned. But at the same time, why is this another kid coming to talk to her?

What is this place? A freaking Kindergarten?]

Yes, yes, and high enough. [levels get a little tricky when you're a lich anyway] Why?

video;

[choosetruth]

[Georgia starts by sending over an attachment. Then she looks up, raising an eyebrow behind her dark sunglasses.]

Lup, was it? Georgia Mason, resident journalist. I'm happy to answer questions, but I should warn you, unless you stop threatening to burn things my answers will probably all be "don't set anything on fire, it won't help."

[restinglichface]

[Well, hell. That's a very useful thing to own. Lup will definitely give a more thorough viewing later. Right now, though, she has questions.]

Bingo. [A journalist huh? The thought makes something tighten in her chest, but there's more pressing matters in front of the elf.] Everyone else in this place has already leapt to give me the whole 'No Fire' spiel, so I'd say we're golden. [But really, if y'all hate threats of arson so much, maybe put a sign on the front door. Give a girl a little warning, yeesh.]

Just gonna clarify with you first real quick. [she pauses briefly, for effect] So there's no way out of this place?

[naughty_nurse]

Please don't set anything on fire please please please!

[restinglichface]

[Overreacting much? It's only a little fire, yeesh.]

Calm down, my dude! I won't set shit on fire, just chill!

Video!

[mettatonvevo]

[Mettaton scrolls through the Network, going through posts in some small hope that maybe, just maybe... but no. Napstablook is not here. And they may never return. It's a bitter pill to swallow, all things considered.

It's what makes this video of yet another person threatening arson on Wonderland a good distraction. Especially since she's pretty cute! Though... he swears he's seen her face around before. Maybe he was mistaken?]

Well darling, there are a lot of people who would say they run this place but it all depends on what, exactly, you want. Do you want the woman who runs the mirror side? The woman who endeavors to help us in her own idiosyncratic way? The list goes on.

[restinglichface]

[Oh. That's a very different kind of face than Lup's ever seen. She has seen robots before, but they hadn't looked nearly so human, more crude imitations of what humanity had once been. But this one is startling, shiny and perfect and much more alive seeming, even just from a quick view on this tiny device of hers. Huh.

That darling should probably leave the woman bristling coming from a complete stranger (she's certainly laid a swift beat down on men in bars for less), but Lup just shoots the machine man a sharp grin in return, wide, toothy and curling.] That right? So far I've heard of a Queen of Hearts, what other big names are there to know in this place? Give this girl a quick rundown.

Video

[romsapience]

[Hello, have a very concerned robot on the edge of their seat, staring at the screen!]

Don't set the gardens on fire!! It took me forever to grow those azaleas!!

[They've put a ton of work in their garden patch, okay.]

[restinglichface]

[So. From what Lup's gathered of Wonderland so far, the majority of it's population seems to be robots and children. Awesome.

The elf rolls her eyes and sighs, like it's the robot's fault for not having kept up on all of the conversations she's been in since arriving. C'mon, dude, catch up!]

I'm not burning anything down. Your azaleas are safe, my dude. Cross my heart, hope to undie.

Video

[kingtrousele]

[Wowie, this woman kinda reminds him of Undyne! Particularly the whole threatening to set everything on fire spiel. Maybe they could together and be great friends!]

YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST PERSON HERE TO THREATEN TO HURT EVERYONE. WHY, MY FRIEND REACTED THE SAME WAY AS YOU WHEN SHE FIRST ARRIVED HERE!!! HUH, MAYBE I SHOULD'VE THREATENED ALL OF WONDERLAND TOO, WHEN I MADE MY DEBUT HERE...IS SEEMS TO BE ALL OF THE RAGE!!!

[restinglichface]

[Honestly? The whole place would probably burn under the weight of their friendship. Best to keep them separate.

Well, shit. That definitely is one animated skeleton. Not another lich, no way, but definitely some kinda product of necromancy. This better not be her boyfriend's work (not without telling her, at least). Still, as long as he's complimenting her entrance,]

I totally crushed it, right? An easy eleven out of ten.

Video

[didntknowbest]

Miss, the people living here have more than enough problems without you threatening to set things on fire.

I understand that you are upset, but most of the people here are in the exact same position. Being hostile like this will not help anybody.

[restinglichface]

[Don't worry, Toriel. The fire that had been dancing in her palm has long since disappeared, and though Lup doesn't necessarily look any more pleased than she had earlier, at least the threats of arson are momentarily quenched.]

I'll have you know that hostility has been a pretty damn good tool so far in my life. But you don't have to worry. I'm not gonna burn down your fancy schmancy house. Can't promise I won't set the person who brought me here on fire, but I'll at least keep it contained.

[Video]

[cuteshit]

Yo, I ain't so sure threatenin' to burn the place down is really the best way to get answers, here--

[Says the guy who threw a fit and punched a huge hole into a wall on his first day. Whoops?]

I mean, I can help, an' I bet other people are already helpin', but I can't promise any of it will be answers you're gonna like.

[Most people don't.]

[restinglichface]

[Lup's anger has burned out by the time that she talks to Kanji, too many unanswered questions weighing her thoughts down. Still, from what she's been told so far, it doesn't seem like there's going to be any real way out.

--And she's going to be forced to live with all of these nerds. Pan help her.]

It's cool, kid. Already heard the whole thing, read the book, reviewed it on fantasy yelp. I'm over it. [She's not. But talking to her twin is going to take first priority. Then getting out.] Just trying to wrap my head around this shit. You been stuck here long?

[video]

[deadshapes]

...Did you just make magic fire with your hand? Holy shit that's the coolest effing thing I've ever seen ever.

[restinglichface]

[Hell yeah! Someone finally gets it!]

Sure did, but I assure you I can do way cooler. Think that but times fifty. [And more explosive.]

[Audio]

[theothermrgray]

[Oh god. Not another one!]

Are you mad?! Do you realize that there are hundreds of other people like yourself who would die if you burned this place to smithereens?!?

[restinglichface]

More pissed than mad, actually. [Bum tish.] But I get it. Fire's a big no-no in this place. Something about it must be real flammable to get everyone on my ass so fast.

im so fucking late

[fancylad]

[A small, panicked boy, who's already put together the unfortunate caveats of Lup's arrival the instant he hears her name, appears on the screen. He's not, however, worried about the fire. He seeems to not even notice it.]

Um, Miss Lup, ma'am, I'm Angus McDonald, a colleague of your, um, the elf who is presumably your brother.

[He didn't realize, of course, until this moment, that she was his identical twin. But that's really the only explanation for her appearance.]

You may have already noticed, and I'm too late to warn you, but, um, your brother as well as Mr. Magnus, they won't be able to recognize you. Oh, I was hoping this wouldn't happen...

Javid is never late, nor is he early...

[restinglichface]

[Well, that's certainly one way to grab her attention.

Angus McDonald, the supposed colleague of her brother, is a child. Even if Lup has some difficulty in deciphering human age--what was he? Like five or something?--that one fact is absolutely undeniable, especially when placing Angus next to the wide array of other kids who have come out of the woodworks to greet her so far. For such a shitty place, it was sure packed full of vulnerable, wide-eyed babies.

Maybe that was on purpose. To keep people like Lup from following through on their threats of arson. Hm.

But Lup doesn't have much of a chance to ponder on who Angus McDonald is and why her brother is employed to work with a child of all people, when he brings up Taako and Magnus and the whole awfulness of neither of them knowing her. She focuses in on that without missing a beat, the rest of his words falling away.]

Why? [She doesn't mean to snap, but there's an undeniable sharpness to Lup's tone upon realizing that someone in this damn place finally has a few of the answers she's been looking for. She holds the device in both hands, drawing it close to her face, as if to close the real physical distance between the two.] What do you know? Why doesn't my brother recognize me?

here have a fish too

[ngah]

[Hi, this lady is a one-eyed fish. That might be notable. When she grins real big, her teeth are incredibly large and pointy.

She's already put together that this woman isn't human. That much is obvious to Undyne, from her fire magic. So she instantly feels at ease.]

Good entrance!!! I went for the "kill all humans" route, and the place repairs itself I guess, but the speech was cool as hell!

[restinglichface]

[After speaking with at least a dozen and a half humans since her arrival, Undyne's blue scales and fins are a breath of fresh air for Lup. Wonderland is still an inconvenience, a set back that the elf would rather not have to deal with, but at least time is frozen back on the world they'd landed on. It gives her time to find a way out of this place without worrying about eventually returning to nothing more than a whole plane of black glass.

Undyne's sharp, toothy grin should be frightening, but Lup finds herself grinning back, amusement shining through in her expression.]

Nothing's better than a killer entrance. Gets people talking and keeps the focus all on you. [Which is all part of the brand.] How'd your whole thing go? Get the locals rushing to tell you off too?