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So uh. Question.

[The Once-ler coughs into his gloved hand and looks at the camera. He looks like he's trying very, very hard to be calm but is actually freaking out not very far under the surface.]

Anybody else get a whole bunch of their stuff stolen after that chess thing? Because I haven't seen any of my Thneed materials anywhere and it's been days and I'm pretty sure my no-good lousy nerd of a Mirror snatched them all.

...Unless anybody's seen them around? Anybody seen a bunch of fluffy Truffula tufts around? If so, uh. Let me know. Because that is my entire company right there, and I would really.

Really.

Appreciate. It.

Thanks.

[And he hangs up.

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They're totally edible. If we were in a crisis and the closets and kitchen weren't working and you'd had the good sense to buy a Thneed before I got robbed, you could definitely eat it.

[Granted he doesn't recommend eating Thneeds as part of anyone's diet, but that's mostly because ~~his mother~~ his totally professional definitely-has-a-degree-in-something lawyer said it wouldn't be wise to advertise that.]

Well, I got them from the vendors. I bought them myself the first time, and after that whole mess with my Shadow...well, that doesn't matter. What matters is that they're gone and I'm not stupid enough to go buy them a third time.

So are you! You just accused me of not knowing English when we're clearly talking to each other in English!

[The Once-ler can't really comment on the Disney part, since he doesn't know what a Disney is, but he'll give her a weird look just the same.]

The Truffula Valley, of course! It's a couple miles away from Greenville.

[In Vaguetown, MaybeUSA, obviously.]

... What do they taste like? [what is your world even

He remembers the Shadow now that Once-ler's mentioned it. Ugh, that guy was an ass. If that's what the whole vendors thing was about that day, it's not an option now. He shouldn't have to trade anything he doesn't want to.]

Hmm, yeah, buying the same thing three times is kinda stupid... You can't use anything else to make them? Or you can't get them some other way?

Wait, if they grow on trees then why can't you just buy a tree? That'd be a better investment. We just have to find something to trade for it!

Something that isn't a memory, preferably.

Well, we'll have to get them back next time! We can't just let them get away with messing with us like this. Otherwise they'll just keep being jerks forever.

[You know, as long as they're not scary violent Mirrors.]

Beats me. They probably didn't think they were torturing us enough with the kidnapping and the events and stuff.

...Huh. You know, that's right. Maybe mine still has my Thneeds and my Truffula tufts. If he switches with me again I could steal them all back.

[Thank you for that idea that he's going to steal and not credit you for.]

You certainly could.

That sounds like it, really.

No, I said what you said wasn't English.

[He just sort of grumbles.]

But won't they just want to get back at us again...? I mean... it's not like us retaliating would make them want to stop antagonizing us...

Probably most here feel the same way. It's a wonder to me that no one has acted on it.

[He smiles.]

Very useful, yes, if you need a great many things.

Is that in Alabama?

[She blinks, trying to place where Greenville might be on a map. Not that she's ever heard of the Truffula Valley, but there's a lot of things she's never heard of before.]

You don't sound like you're from Alabama, though.

When I ended up on the other side, once, yeah. Thought it was you for a sec, since he had you're...[Suit.

Which the Once-ler hasn't gotten yet, as far as he can remember.

...So never mind.]

I think maybe you might wanna try the closets a little harder. I've gotten truffula fruits just fine. [Well.] Except that one time I got a bunch of those, uh, you know. Green balls with the fuzz?

They taste like pure and utter joy. ...And butterfly milk. [Or, you know. Entirely butterfly milk.]

It's not the same if they're made from something else! Truffula tufts are the only thing stretchable enough, waterproofable enough, sproingable enough, and flameproofable enough to work as Thneed material! Nothing else will do. Nothing. My business is ruined without them. Ruined.

[And the Once-ler, consequently, will drown in a sea of despair and failed business ventures and be doomed to walk the earth wallowing on innocent bystanders about the Thneed empire he COULD have had.

He waves off the idea of buying a tree though.]

That would take forever. It takes something like ten years for them to even germinate or whatever [Clearly the Once-ler isn't really sure what that word actually means] I don't have ten plus years to wait around for Truffula tufts.

Trading something might be good though. ...I wonder if they'll take anything else?

Your face isn't English.

True, but if we don't do anything, then they get to gloat about it forever and nobody wants that. Plus if they're going to keep doing it anyway then they deserve to get messed with a little.

[We can't let the terrorists win, Chihiro!]

Abalamma?

[Probably not, no.]

Never heard of it. Greenville's just...Greenville. It's kind of tiny - no big buildings or anything. You've probably never heard of it. I hadn't until I turned up in the valley! It just happened to be the only town around.

Huh? My what? What he been stealing more of my stuff?

[Obviously that must be what the Lorax is talking about. That's even more annoying! Has this been some kind of ongoing problem that he's never noticed until now?!]

I haven't been able to get anything like that. [He makes a face at the green fuzz balls though.] Whenever I try it gives me some kind of lettuce, for whatever reason.

[Probably because it almost rhymes.]

I... I don't care about getting revenge, or whether or not they gloat, I... I just wish they would leave us alone...

[ Of course, Chihiro just rolls over instantly. ]

Yeah, I'm done with this. You can find your crap on your own.

[A long and thoughtful pause here...]

Why's it so important that you run a business here? It's not like there's any real need for money here, everything's free.

[The Lorax is just gonna brush past that stealing thing, since. That's. Not it at all and the Once-ler can maybe go without hearing it, for now? Any sign of success is going to blind him from the rest of it. He knows that much for sure.]

Maybe the truffula trees are too unique. Everyone seemed real surprised by them during that event, after all.

It's just what I do. At home I'd been trying to get my business off the ground for years, and just as I got it going, I disappeared. I know it'll be there when I get back, but it's weird to not be working on it when that's all I've been doing for...ever, really.

[He shrugs.]

It's just something to do, really. Plus, where I'm from, people love buying stuff. You know, retail therapy, things like that. So it's not like it was hurting anything here.

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