entranceway | ♡ 002 || Video - I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then

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♡ 002 || Video - I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then

[For a long moment, Remus just sits there at his desk, hands clasped on the table in front of him, eyes cast down and to the side as the weight of what he has to do sinks in ever further. This isn't something he ever foresaw doing, but there are things he knows now that make it impossible for him to continue, without fear and guilt the likes of which he is sick of carrying.]

I'm sorry, please bare with me. This... this is a difficult matter for me to breach.

[He runs his hand through his hair, rubs the back of his neck and finally clears his throat, sitting up a little more. He's always sort of hunched these days.]

Recently... many of us were not ourselves, however much we may have appeared to be.We were taken over, some of us overcome, by forces not of our own control or will, and these... others... they were able to see and use some of our own memories and knowledge.

I need you to understand, before I do this, that it is that which I fear may bring harm to others... more than the information I wish to share. You do not need to fear me, or have reason to do so, though it will not be.... unreasonable... that you may. But you must know I take every precaution... every care that I can to insure I harm no one. That I am a threat to no one, in so far as I can control the circumstances. And that I am working on insuring this, further.

But if something like this happens again, and that control is stripped of me. All I can do to protect you, is to make sure you are prepared for what you may face.

[His hands are clasped again, clenching and unclenching. He worries his lip with his teeth an takes a breath. This is a confession he does not take lightly and has so rarely shared with any one that it feels as if he is ripping open his chest to expose his heart for a killing blow. But the people here have enough problems without this extra danger going unknown. This place is too unpredictable to keep his secret locked where it could cost someone their life.]

I am a werewolf.

[No four words have ever been so freeing. So damning. And he is prepared to face the fall out that will come with his confession.]

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[Annie sees the transmission and watches the whole thing with a frown. She's read the books he comes from, and she remembers that it was a Big Deal for him to be a werewolf, but there's no specifics coming to mind about why exactly it's bad. Aside from the whole 'murderous beast' thing, but that's a generalization, and it's not like Remus can control it!

And he's obviously super upset about it, and Annie makes it a personal mission to make everyone feel better. So, she clicks reply on her communicator and gives him a smile.]

You're not our first, you know. Werewolf. [Her smile falters a little-- Ruby was her friend, and she misses her a lot. But, no, she's making Remus feel better!!]

She um-- the first time she transformed she didn't have her cloak. [A pause.] It was pretty bad. [Another pause.]

But! Anyway, my point is, honesty's totally the way to go here, because now people can help you when you transform! And...stuff.

[James instantly feels panic set in when he reaches the end of the post. It's instinctive at this point - he's spent so long defending Remus' secret, that to hear it blurted out like that makes him want to immediately cover it up. His first impulse it to try and lie, claim that it's not true - anything to protect Remus.

But, Wonderland isn't like their world. He can't be expelled. He won't be denied work or shelter - there's no need to work and shelter is handed to them for nothing. They have all of their basic needs, and no one can remove them. And there have been werewolves before - including Remus himself. He never made an announcement this way, but others have. And they were able to mostly live in peace.

He's concerned - really concerned. But, he's unsure what to say. How does someone even approach this subject?! So, instead, he pulls a trick out of Remus' book - he apparates to where he thinks Remus might be, based on the video. Maybe the extra couple of seconds will give him a chance to string his thoughts together somewhat coherently.]

[Honestly, her reply surprises him. It's a little frustrating that a positive reaction is the last thing he expects. But as much as Remus would like to believe better about people, he has seen the werewolf prejudice first hand too many times to ever count on it.]

Thank you... Annie.

[It was Annie, wasn't it? He's pretty good with faces and he seems to remember hers.]

Forgive my question, but, what do you mean by cloak?

[Remus clicks off the feed the moment he is finished, and there's a shake to his shoulders. Tension and decades of secrecy and hiding. This single announcement is the scariest thing he has done since the war, and it comes over him, what he's done. What he has given people to use against him. To lash out or attack him for.

And he wouldn't even be able to blame them. Their fears are not unfounded. Even if Remus has never hurt another person. Even if he does everything in his power every month to keep from being a danger, it does not matter. Because once the moon rises, Remus loses control. Loses his ability to discern right from wrong, friend from prey.

He knows this, he hates it, but he can not change it. This is the last thing he can do to protect other people from the monster inside of him, and it should be freeing, it even was for a moment, but the horror of it has settled in and Remus is, honestly, terrified of what will come of it.

So wrapped up in this, is he, that he doesn't hear the pop of James appearing, just presses his face into his hands and takes a shaky breath.]

...Well, I don't know you, so perhaps I'm not the person to speak on this, but it sounds like that took a lot of courage to admit. Though can I ask what kind of werewolf you are? There are a lot of different kinds. A looooot.

Edited 2013-11-12 06:40 (UTC)

[Man, what is it with people around here making huge public declarations, especially when it comes to stuff that is obviously secrets? Sure, it was kind of in vogue to do that during that high school event, but really now. You'd never catch Crowley admitting what he is over the network. Though his Mirror kind of already did that for him...bugger.]

Was this meant for the general public, or for someone in particular?

I am infected with a magical illness known as lycanthropy, which causes me to shift on the full moon night. I have no sense of myself or control of the wolf once I shift, without the aide of a potion I can not obtain, here.

[The words almost sound rehearsed, like he has practiced them before now and how best to say them. This is, indeed, very difficult for him to admit to. Not because he denies it, but because he is ashamed of it.]

The public.

If something like what happened a short time ago with the other people in our heads, happens again, I think it important people be aware of the danger I could pose.

Oh, huh, so magic-based this time. Neat! ...Well. Not neat for you, I guess...sorry. You can't get that potion you mentioned from the closets?

Too specific, I assume. Either way, the last time I tried, it gave me grape juice.

Well, I daresay if people saw a massive rabid wolf running about, they'd be fairly aware of the danger. [Unless it's America, since he'd probably go pet it or something.] Announcing it like this does little except give people the information they'd need to kill you.

It isn't that simple. I do not look like much more than an ordinary wolf when I shift. And it is not only when I am a wolf that I can hurt people.

The closets are weird like that, huh? I asked for bloodstones and it kept giving me blood-covered stones, which was a bit distressing. There's the vendors, I guess, but they're kinda shady.

In any case, thanks for the information, mister uh...?

Lupin. [There's another pause and he clears his throat, glad this is no longer video.]

Remus Lupin. Hopefully some good comes of it.

Anyone can hurt anyone, wolf or not. [He shrugs.] Still, your business. I wasn't even aware werewolves were real. [Though it's probably the least surprising thing Wonderland has thrown at him.]

Well, I'm Cecil! The radio guy. And at least people are informed now? Though, I hope no one decides to go after you with silverware or something. ...Unless you're one of the ones with immunity.

[Really, he sort of expected this. Remus worries about things too much as it is (excessively, in James' humble opinion) so while he seemed put-together in his video, James knows better.

He doesn't announce himself, not properly anyway. Actually, he just watches for a moment, unsure of exactly what to say. He's not a werewolf and he's never been a werewolf, and he can't even hope to understand how it feels to reveal something like that. That's not something that will ever factor into James' life, but is something that is probably always in Remus' thoughts, at least a little bit.

Eventually, he moves closer. Slowly, until he's sitting beside Remus. Then, he puts his hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle shake.]

...Hey.

[He looks like he just needs someone with him, right now. James can do that much.]

[ allison could tell from the video that what this man was doing was difficult. it must have been something he kept secret from everyone, probably for a while. the fear she sees in him, the nerves he has when it comes to making this confession, is what keeps her from simply shrugging this off. maybe he doesn't know about everyone else, maybe he thinks he's alone. she wants to help, but at the same time she doesn't think it's her place- maybe she'll talk to isaac and scott.

when the video comes up, allison is giving him a small but hopefully reassuring smile. ]

You're not alone. But that was...really brave.

[ maybe stupid, but brave. but then her smile drops to a look that's a little more worried. ]

Do you think the mirrors might try to use our own memories against us?

Thank you... I can tell you it was not easy. I have spent most of my life trying to keep that secret.

[He gives a small shake of his head, staring at his hands before looking back at her.]

Mine already has, and he would have done more, if he could have. I would say it goes both ways, but he was far more dangerous than ... than I ever could be.

That is why I had to do this now.

[He was everything Remus tried not to be.]

Not alone?

[That's... He isn't sure what to make of that. It could be a good or a bad thing depending on the type of people any other werewolves might be. Are they like him, or like the werewolves who joined Voldemort in the war?

He has spent his full moons locked up in the fort with James. With no knowledge of other wolves here.]

[He isn't even surprised that James is there. He just relaxes a little under his hand and tries to pull himself back together. Sometimes it's hard to remember he isn't alone anymore. That everything doesn't have to be done solo. He should remember more easily. James has always been supportive and there for him when he could be.]

Hey.

[He gives a small laugh and rubs his face again, shaking his head.]

I may have just made the biggest fool of myself I possibly could have.

[And now he is just waiting to see what James makes of all of this. ]

Cecil. Thank you. I... am glad to see it somewhat well-received by at least a few. I hope it does more good than harm.

And no. Silver has no effect on me, though it can help any who are injured by me.

[So, Dean's read those books. At least, most of them, and it was a few years back. He knows James, he knows that James's buddy was Remus, and that Remus was a werewolf. He hasn't, however, managed to put a face to the name until right now.

Dean's a hunter. Once upon a time, he'd have been gunning for Remus's head. Back when he was young and stupid and under orders. After Madison, though, after Ruby, after life and experience, that's not the case anymore.

But it's still his duty to keep people safe, so when he appears on screen, it's with calm, blank determination.]

When you say control, how much control are we talking here? Like fingers crossed no one wanders into the wrong stretch of the woods, or like fetch and belly rubs?

[And here lies the problem in exposing himself. He is a threat, and he knows people will see him that way. It was what he intended, in a way, even if he hoped it was not how things would go.

Because at the end of the day, Remus can take every precaution in the world and one small mistake is all it takes for everything to go wrong.]

Back at home I had access to a potion that would allow me to retain my mind and keep myself harmless on the night of a full moon. Without it... I rely on locking myself away from people I could injure, with an extra pair of eyes to keep me safely away from others.

[Remus isn't a threat. The wolf is a threat. Dean knows enough about this shit to know that there's a real distinction. Madison had been innocent, too- werewolves are probably in the top five most tragic supernatural things on the planet. They didn't choose to get bit, they don't choose to kill. The fact of the matter is, though, that they do.

A frown tugs at his lips. They're not gonna be able to poof up one of those potions, not out of the closets. They don't do specifics. Ruby had a cloak that kept her under control, but it's the same story for that thing, too. Too specific, too impossible to replicate.

He passes a hand over his mouth.]

So, the shitty end of the spectrum. Good to know.

[He tilts his head as he considers it, then pauses as something flashes across his mind.]

Locking yourself up where?

[In the mansion probably isn't safe, no matter how many precautions you take.]

I'm not sure that is wise for me to discuss over a network.

[Informed though he wants people to be, he is also not an imbecile. Exposing his location at both his most dangerous and, though not physically, still his most vulnerable time of the month just seems to be asking for death. Whether it is his or a misguided hero out to kill him for the safety of everyone. He hates his curse but he has no desire to die. If he did, he would have given up on life the moment he lost his friends.

Worse, he isn't sure who knows about James' fort. (In his head, it is James' Fort. It may always be.) He knows it is a secret place.]

I can tell you it is a secure place that has proven more than capable of holding me in. The Wolf has worn himself out attempting to prove that false.

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♡ 002 || Video - I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then

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