[VIDEO]

[stoptheviolence]

[The camera unfocuses for a moment before focusing back in on...Brittany. Of course. It’s her camera, so why wouldn’t it be her? But she’s not alone. There’s an adorable miniature pony at her side...with a horn on its head...and the sounds of a chirping squirrel can be heard coming from somewhere just off-screen.]

[Brittany, of course, sees nothing wrong with any of this, and is happily spinning in her chair, wearing her pajamas, despite the fact that her hair is has been expertly styled, and her makeup is impeccable. Beside her, the usual decorations of a youthful teen girl could be seen. Bright colors. Stuffed animals. And a particular picture seen hanging on the wall right over her bed.]

‘sup, Wonderland. I’m Brittany. And this is my new show, the Wonderland edition of Fondue for Two.

...well, four, if you count Lady Winny and Sir Squeakums over there.

[More chirping, as if the squirrel were responding to her. The unicorn remained silent. Content with just sitting there and looking fabulous. As she should. Santana, on the other hand, is sitting nearby but away from the furry creatures, looking...like she is doing this out of love. Being the first semi-guest was not on her to-do list, especially after her experience with the show back home. Again: for love.]

We’re here to bring you the latest and greatest of Wonderland’s cheezy news. [As she says this, she leans forward and reaches down to pick up...something speared onto a large toothpick and covered in Fondue goodness. She makes a show of eating it. Because cheezy fondue. Get it?] And, I guess, whatever else we feel like talking about at the moment.

So if you’ve got the goods, feel free to call in. After all, sharing is caring.

[And then, just before she lets it go to the phones...or Network, or whatever, Santana decides to speak up:]

Do it or Imma break some kneecaps.

Comments

[alwaysnext]

Wait. With you and Santana? Would she go along with that?

[stoptheviolence]

I'm sure she will. No problem.

[...]

[alwaysnext]

[... yes. That sounds completely reasonable, based on everything he knows about Santana.]

What if he doesn't want to come?

[stoptheviolence]

Then he's a total jerk who doesn't deserve you.

Think about it. Two guys. Two girls. Who's going to care?

[It's the rare kind of math she can actually do. Two Plus Two Equals Profit!]

[alwaysnext]

Yeah. Yeah! You're so right. Let's do it.

[Oh my god, Brittany, you're like the smartest person he's ever met.]

[stoptheviolence]

[THIS IS WHY YOU'RE HER NOT-SO-SECRET BFF FOR LYFE]

Sweet.

You make the reservation. We'll be there. I'll go tell Santana.

[alwaysnext]

Awesome. See you there. I'll even wear something cool.

[At least he'll try. He listens to your fashion advice sometimes, Brit. I swear.]

[stoptheviolence]

I have faith in you, Luke.

[Precious fashion student.]

[alwaysnext]

You can trust me to uphold your reputation.

[He salutes and clicks off.]

[itsahotone]

[Excuse you, squinting suspiciously is Santana's thing.]

You know about it? And you didn't think that was gossip-worthy?

[alwaysnext]

[Well move over sister, there's a new squinter in town.]

I thought if anyone else found out about the threesome, he'd stab me.

[itsahotone]

[SHE IS STILL BETTER AT IT

...ahem. Anyway, this already makes no sense.]

Stab. [That sounds like neither of the guys in the threesome she's thinking of.] That doesn't sound sickeningly cute.

[intelligently]

I think I'll pass on the fondue. But gossip works.

[intelligently]

[ There's a little noise of thought and then: ] Okay. I would need to advertise it. I just need to sort it out first.

[alwaysnext]

Are you saying your threesome would never stab anyone? [Because you'd have to be blind and deaf to think D'Artagnan wouldn't cut you. Santana's wrong, though. He really is sickeningly cute, no matter who he slices open.]

[itsahotone]

My threesome? [snort] The threesome I'm talking about don't seem the stabbing type, really. Other stuff, yeah.

[Clearly she doesn't know about Allison's daggers...]

[stoptheviolence]

Take your time. We're not going anywhere.

[intelligently]

How often are you doing this show?

[alwaysnext]

Don't be so pedantic. You know what I mean.

[He quirks an eyebrow.] What's "other stuff"? Other than stabbing?

[stoptheviolence]

Dunno. Haven't decided yet.

Whenever we feel like it, I guess. If somebody wants to come on, it's not like it would be that hard to set up--I keep the fondue kit right in my magic closet.

[itsahotone]

That'd be giving far too much away, don't you think?

[Hint: she doesn't care what he thinks.]

[itsahotone]

Great. [Chipper chipper] Whatcha got?

I just read the flight of birds like I do every morning. It told me to come.

[radiopalkiller]

[ He snorts. Hang on, that's gonna need some translating... ]

A million years, that's, umm... starting in the late eighties, something like that? [ He shakes his head. ] So how much of a chance do I stand with Stairway to Heaven?

good job, birds! :D

[itsahotone]

[snort]

We'll see what we can do.

[But more importantly:]

There a reason you're not showing your pretty face?

[To Brittany, (and let's assume Santana's at least mentioned Philip before) she says:]

This is Philip.

Video

[thneedifestdestiny]

Uh. ...I guess I've never really thought about it before.

Maybe?

[He'd probably watch it. It's not like he's got anything better to do.]