[VIDEO]

[stoptheviolence]

[The camera unfocuses for a moment before focusing back in on...Brittany. Of course. It’s her camera, so why wouldn’t it be her? But she’s not alone. There’s an adorable miniature pony at her side...with a horn on its head...and the sounds of a chirping squirrel can be heard coming from somewhere just off-screen.]

[Brittany, of course, sees nothing wrong with any of this, and is happily spinning in her chair, wearing her pajamas, despite the fact that her hair is has been expertly styled, and her makeup is impeccable. Beside her, the usual decorations of a youthful teen girl could be seen. Bright colors. Stuffed animals. And a particular picture seen hanging on the wall right over her bed.]

‘sup, Wonderland. I’m Brittany. And this is my new show, the Wonderland edition of Fondue for Two.

...well, four, if you count Lady Winny and Sir Squeakums over there.

[More chirping, as if the squirrel were responding to her. The unicorn remained silent. Content with just sitting there and looking fabulous. As she should. Santana, on the other hand, is sitting nearby but away from the furry creatures, looking...like she is doing this out of love. Being the first semi-guest was not on her to-do list, especially after her experience with the show back home. Again: for love.]

We’re here to bring you the latest and greatest of Wonderland’s cheezy news. [As she says this, she leans forward and reaches down to pick up...something speared onto a large toothpick and covered in Fondue goodness. She makes a show of eating it. Because cheezy fondue. Get it?] And, I guess, whatever else we feel like talking about at the moment.

So if you’ve got the goods, feel free to call in. After all, sharing is caring.

[And then, just before she lets it go to the phones...or Network, or whatever, Santana decides to speak up:]

Do it or Imma break some kneecaps.

Comments

[alwaysnext]

[Okay, that's not what he was expecting. He squints at Santana suspiciously.]

Wait. You know about the threesome?

[They are probably so not thinking of the same threesome.]

[itsahotone]

[Excuse you, squinting suspiciously is Santana's thing.]

You know about it? And you didn't think that was gossip-worthy?

[alwaysnext]

[Well move over sister, there's a new squinter in town.]

I thought if anyone else found out about the threesome, he'd stab me.

[itsahotone]

[SHE IS STILL BETTER AT IT

...ahem. Anyway, this already makes no sense.]

Stab. [That sounds like neither of the guys in the threesome she's thinking of.] That doesn't sound sickeningly cute.

[alwaysnext]

Are you saying your threesome would never stab anyone? [Because you'd have to be blind and deaf to think D'Artagnan wouldn't cut you. Santana's wrong, though. He really is sickeningly cute, no matter who he slices open.]

[itsahotone]

My threesome? [snort] The threesome I'm talking about don't seem the stabbing type, really. Other stuff, yeah.

[Clearly she doesn't know about Allison's daggers...]

[alwaysnext]

Don't be so pedantic. You know what I mean.

[He quirks an eyebrow.] What's "other stuff"? Other than stabbing?

[itsahotone]

That'd be giving far too much away, don't you think?

[Hint: she doesn't care what he thinks.]

[alwaysnext]

So what you're trying to say is you don't know anything about them.

[itsahotone]

[Excuse you.]

I know they'd all kick your ass and look pretty good without shirts. [...Not that she's seen Allison shirtless, sadly but it's a fair assumption.]

[alwaysnext]

What? Where the hell did that come from?

[Wow Santana. Wow. Luke is at once baffled and kinda annoyed. Okay, so maybe every single person in Wonderland could take him in a fist fight, including that sick girl and the twelve year old boy, but that doesn't mean he needs it pointed out all the time. Jeez people.]

You don't know that. And! You've never even seen me without a shirt. [WHO KNOWS WHAT BEAUTY LIES BENEATH THIS VOLUMINOUS SCARF?]

[itsahotone]

[Please, like it takes much to provoke her. But now she's switched from annoyed to amused, so good on you, Luke! Too bad it's at your own expense.]

Pretty sure I do know that. [She knows something's off about those guys, even if her guess is less wolfy and more...mutanty.]

Are you volunteering to come strip on the show?

[alwaysnext]

[At least people laughing at him is familiar territory.]

Yeah, well, three-on-one isn't fair. [And being a mutant doesn't automatically mean you can do backflips off a wall, omg. The stereotypes his people face.]

Why don't you ask one of them to strip for you, if they're so much better than me?

[itsahotone]

[Oh, honey. She really didn't mean three-on-one.]

Good idea! That would totally bring in viewers!

[She...actually grabs a paper and pen to make a note of it.]

[alwaysnext]

Oh, and I wouldn't? [He raises a mocking eyebrow and yes, he already knows the answer to that one too.]

[itsahotone]

[She squints at him.]

I'm sure there's some audience for you.

[alwaysnext]

[He does do extremely well amongst the twelve year old girl population.]

If you're into exhibitionism, that's cool. Not really my thing, though. I'll keep my shirt on.

[He'd rather remove his pants in front of a hundred strangers than have to take his shirt off around them.]