entranceway | Δ [1st Cipher] SVOOL WZIPMVHH NB LOW UIRVMW

[Static crackles and pops over the feed.

It is a combination of a radio tuner whining listlessly between stations with decent service, the familiar whirring grumble of the dial-up tone ad infinitum, the hoarse screech of a car trying to start on a lonely highway in the middle of the night, where it has broken down for seemingly no reason at all.

Images flicker: an illustration of Lincoln's assassination, a room draped with red curtains, the Teletubbies, President Nixon, video footage of a piglet slowly decaying into loam. And then- A V O I C E.]

I GӨƬƬΛ ƧΛY. ƬΉΣƧΣ DIGƧ ΛЯΣП'Ƭ ΉΛᄂF-BΛD. I MΣΛП, IƬ'Ƨ ПӨ IПƬΣЯGΛᄂΛᄃƬIᄃ ƬIMΣ PΛLΛᄃΣ ΛПD IƬ'Ƨ ПӨƬ ƬЯЦMP ƬӨЩΣЯ, BЦƬ I GΣƬ ƬΉΣ ΛPPΣΛL.

[On occasion, between the odd frequencies scrambling the frame with black and white noise, a single eye will appear.]

VΛMPIЯΣƧ. ΛПGΣᄂƧ. ᄃΛППIBΛᄂƧ. GӨDƧ. ΛΉΛΉΛΉΛΉΛ ӨΉ BӨY, IƧ ƬΉIƧ GӨППΛ BΣ FЦП. I'ᄂᄂ BΣ ЩΛƬᄃΉIПG YӨЦ, ЩӨПDΣЯᄂΛПD.

I ' ᄂᄂ B Σ Щ Λ Ƭ ᄃ Ή I П G Y Ө Ц.

[The transmission cuts, leaving a fuzzy screen and a garbled message:]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[It is then, with immense delight, that Bill realizes what this Pine Tree is. This is a Pine Tree that has not yet experienced the unimaginable horror of being unable to determine A Very Special Computer's password. This is a Pine Tree that knows not the greater extents of Bill's capabilities.

This is a Pine Tree easily influenced.]

ЯΣᄂΛX, KID. ᄂΛƧƬ ƬIMΣ ЩΛƧ JЦƧƬ Λ JӨB. ПӨƬΉIПG PΣЯƧӨПΛᄂ!

...wooden nickels? What do wooden nickels have to do with...

[He's just thinking aloud as he decodes the cipher, don't mind him. He does realize, though, that perhaps multitasking isn't the best idea right now.]

You messed around in our grunkle's brain. I don't think it gets more personal than that.

[Don't be so gullible, Dip. Bill left that message specifically to screw with you.]

I GӨƬ ΉIЯΣD, ƧӨ ЩΉΛƬ? YӨЦ ƬΉIПK I ЩΛПƬΣD ƬӨ ƧΣΣ ƧƬΛП PIПΣƧ IП ΉӨƬPΛПƬƧ?

[Well, that is a memory Dipper's glad he didn't see and a mental image he could live without.] You still did it.

[Yeah. You treasure that lack-of-a-horror. Treasure it.]

ƧӨ ƧЦΣ MΣ. ΛЯΣП'Ƭ YӨЦ ƬΛKIПG ᄃΛƧΣƧ ᄂΣFƬ ΛПD ЯIGΉƬ BΛᄃK IП GЯΛVIƬY FΛᄂᄂƧ? "ᄂӨᄃΛᄂ ΉΣЯӨ DIPPΣЯ PIПΣƧ?"

[God, kid, your nickname is dumb, but at least it's covering up your real name.]

[Well. In a world where people could actually go five minutes without forgetting the supernatural, maybe. They should recognize him as a hero, but generally that's not how it goes. He is so unappreciated.]

...you mean because we fought that giant robot and showed the world that Gideon was a fraud?

[Bill chuckles a dramatic chuckle, one that suggests he knows things that Dipper doesn't. But then, what else is new?]

...ӨΉӨΉӨ, ƬΉΛƬ'Ƨ ЯIGΉƬ. YӨЦ DӨП'Ƭ KПӨЩ YΣƬ.

[....what. That isn't comforting. Nothing about Bill is comforting but that sounds ESPECIALLY NOT COMFORTING.]

...what don't I know?

ЩӨП'Ƭ BΣ ᄂӨПG BΣFӨЯΣ YӨЦ'ЯΣ IП ΉIGΉ DΣMΛПD, KID. PЯΛIƧΣ. ΛᄃᄃӨᄂΛDΣƧ. ᄃӨПFΣƬƬI.

[There is a long pause, thoughtful and poignant.]

Я Σ Ƨ P Σ ᄃ Ƭ.

What, really? [In spite of himself, he's intrigued. He knows Bill's a liar, and that if he's telling Dipper something good there's a reason for it that isn't that he wanted to make Dipper feel good about his future. It's exactly what he wants to hear, and that's both exciting and a huge flashing warning sign.]

...why are you telling me this?

[Bill is very rarely a liar. People are just terrible at accepting the truth, particularly when it's crappy.]

MY GIFƬ ƬӨ YӨЦ, ӨП ƬΉΣ ΉӨЦƧΣ. YӨЦ'ЯΣ GӨППΛ BΣ IП ПΣЩƧPΛPΣЯƧ.

Edited 2015-06-18 15:30 (UTC)

[This is actively more uncomfortable than when Bill is threatening him and turning into a giant red horror triangle. Dipper does not want gifts from Bill. He doesn't want anything from Bill.]

That's... good to know?

[What's that saying? The best things in life are free?

(Nothing is free, not really, but Pine Tree will learn that eventually.)]

ƬΉIƧ IƧ GΣПΣЯΛᄂᄂY ƬΉΣ PΛЯƬ ЩΉΣЯΣ ƬΉΣ GЯΛƬΣFЦᄂ PΛЯƬY ƧΛYƧ "ƬΉΛПK YӨЦ".

I don't think "grateful's" the best word for how I'm feeling right now. I'm still looking for the catch.

YΣΣƧΉ. ΛПD I ƬΉӨЦGΉƬ I ΉΛD ƬЯЦƧƬ IƧƧЦΣƧ. ΉΛVΣ I ΣVΣЯ ᄂIΣD ƬӨ YӨЦ?

Probably. [Nothing would surprise him less than finding out that anything Bill had told him is a lie.]

ЩΣᄂP. GЦΣƧƧ I ᄃΛП ӨПᄂY ᄃΉΛПGΣ YӨЦЯ MIПD BY BΣIПG ƬΉΣ GӨӨD ƧΛMΛЯIƬΛП I ΛM.

[~~for the right price~~]

[Dipper scoffs.] Not really the words that come to mind when I think about you, but sure, I'll believe that when I see it.

ƧΉΣΣƧΉ, KID, ᄂΣΛЯП ƬӨ ΉΛVΣ Λ ᄂIƬƬᄂΣ FΛIƬΉ.

DӨП'Ƭ FӨЯGΣƬ ƬΉΛƬ I'M ΛᄂЩΛYƧ ЩΛƬᄃΉIПG YӨЦ!

[Bill cuts the feed.]

Δ [1st Cipher] SVOOL WZIPMVHH NB LOW UIRVMW

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