entranceway | [text to the masses]

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[text to the masses]

happy singles awareness day
did you know that saint valentine was full of shit
i mean maybe he wasn't but theres no way to know since theres like no actual history on this guy
there are records of three different saint valentines
though i guess the one thing thats consistent is that pretty much all of them died horribly

anyway there's your exciting earth history fact of the day
have fun

[Alex, for his part, is currently planning on getting at least a little buzzed tonight. Despite the apparent bitterness of that mass-network text, he's not technically single. His SO just happens to not be here. Hence, drinking. Hence, bitterness.

Hence, that fun Valentine's Day Historical Fact.

Anyone looking for him will find him at the bar.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Singles... Awareness?

[does not compute.] Is that something that Earthlings can be unaware of?

[you can't even fuse, you weirdos.]

i mean
no not really
it's just extra in your face during valentine's day

A day apparently dedicated to three people who died horribly.

[why is earth so WEIRD.] Yes.... I see the connection.

[so sarcastic.] Unless their deaths were related to a horrible attempt at fusion.

Edited 2016-02-15 21:01 (UTC)

hey man i didn't make the rules
earth makes no sense i'll be the first to admit it

what the hell is fusion

No, it does not.

[oh stars, don't make her understand fusion. she doesn't even understand it half the time, especially not in the way the Crystal Gems understand it... she's getting better at least.

and she's not gonna resist being a nerd.]

It's when multiple Gems come together to form a different gem. One that's far more powerful than the sum of their parts. In Homeworld, this is primarily a custom in combat, but I've learned there are significant other reasons to fuse.

["because I'm gay" is a great one.] Humans can't perform fusion, but I imagine if they attempted to, it would likely end in horrible death.

wait so
lemme get this straight

you come from a place populated by sentient multicolored rocks
who full-on goku it up whenever they want??

[...Huh.

Huh.

Alex isn't sure how he feels about that.]

yeah no we can't do that
just end up with a bloody nose or something

It's considered socially unacceptable and borderline inappropriate to fuse when you're not in combat on Homeworld, but... Essentially yes.

[she thinks. what is the definition of "goku up???"]

interesting
so wait do you guys have a valentine's day where you come from
or a "fusion celebration" day or something like that
since that seems to be kind of the rock equivalent of boning or whatever

No one celebrates fusion except Garnet and I think her existence alone is all the celebration she requires, and [angry noise] I don't know what you're talking about.

[boning, alex. really. SAY WORDS THAT MAKE SENSE, MAN.]

[THAT WOULD REQUIRE PUTTING ACTUAL THOUGHT INTO ANYTHING HE SAYS EVER]

who's garnet

ok let me rephrase
do you have a celebration for people getting together and coupling
i e smooches or whatever it is rocks do
or is fusion just
it

She's a permafusion.

[THAT EXPLAINS IT DOESN'T IT.

you can hear the skepticism in her voice, meanwhile, as she adds:]

What would be the point of that?

i dunno man but earth does it
i never said it made sense

[Someone has a raging hate for Valentine's Day. Just on principle, honestly.]

ok so like all fused all the time
wow i knew some people in high school like that

I expect that from Earth.

[oh good he gets it. brilliant.] I'm getting used to it, but... It's still difficult to reconcile. Not knowing either of the Gems involved in her making helps some.

[that would be weird. really weird.]

it made hanging out real awkward
always necking all the time

[It really does sound like a Dragonball Z thing, which Alex is only marginally ashamed to admit he's seen more than a little of. Thankfully he's talking to someone who probably doesn't care.]

so is she like a walking pda then

["pda" is at least a term she remembers from Camp Pining Hearts.]

No! Ugh. That's the sort of insincere and pointless nonsense Paulette attempts to divert Percy's attention with. Garnet, I'm sure, is made up of a far more efficient pairing. More... gazing and subtext.

[Peridot is going to be so disappointed in Ruby and Sapphire. Or really pissed that Canda doesn't treat her slash ships with the same respect as it does their het ones. THAT'S HOW REAL AFFECTION WORKS???]

Edited 2016-02-15 21:57 (UTC)

what
is paulette another gem of yours or
who's percy

so is this a
only the strongest will survive thing??

They're from Camp Pining Hearts. That's pre-recorded Earth entertainment.

[in the tone of someone who thinks YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT THAT IS, ALEX. YOU SHOULD KNOW ALL ABOUT TRASHY CANADIAN TEEN SOAP OPERAS.]

Edited 2016-02-15 22:03 (UTC)

never heard of it
i only watch quality entertainment

[Says the guy who basically just admitted to killing a few hours watching Dragonball Z.]

It's the most quality Earth entertainment I've seen.

[and possibly the only

besides that crying breakfast friends show.

that's just sick.]

well then
how do i put this lightly

you need to get out more

That's ridiculous. Steven's viewing screen is inside. By your logic, I should be [snort] in more.

it's an expression
by "get out more" i mean like
you need to branch out

[Wait shit will she interpret that literally too?? Uhhh hang on]

like
expand your interests
that type of thing

[YOU'RE LEARNING ALEX.]

That's what Steven told me, which was how I learned of Camp Pining Hearts to begin with.

I suppose I could spend more time in Wonderland's media archives...

[SLOWLY BUT SURELY.]

heartily recommended
though i don't know how good wonderland's tastes are
hopefully better than your average soap opera junk

it's not as if there's much to compare it to. it's all probably mindless and time-wasting and written by clods who have no idea what a partnership dynamic should look like.

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