video } the city is a nightmare a horrible dream

[krmvgivv]

[Dipper always looks a little on the paranoid and overtired side, but he looks especially bad today. Amazing how much harder it is to sleep when the very reason you have trouble sleeping in the first place is actually here and likely to torment your nightmares if you dare close your eyes. Not that staying awake forever is an option. Dipper just wishes it was. He starts the feed, then sits, back, looking grim.]

Hey. Dipper and Ford Pines here. You might have noticed the super weird triangle thing that came up recently? Well, that's not a what. That's a who. [A beat.] And… also a what, actually.

[Ford doesn’t look much better either. His brow is furrowed and his expression, grave.] That super weird triangle thing is a dream demon known as ‘Bill Cipher’. He is incredibly powerful and incredibly dangerous. Now I’m sure some of you will take this as a challenge-- How bad can he be? Right? [He shrugs airily, but abruptly points at the camera.]

Wrong. Bill is most powerful in the mindscape; a mental realm between dimensions. He can read your mind and inhabit your dreams and he is chaos incarnate. He may be charming, but above all else he is a liar and a monster.

[Dipper raises a finger.] Also? Don't make a deal with him. He will lie to you and cheat you out of your end and then he'll possess you and do terrible things to and with your body. [Terrible, terrible things. Dipper rubs his arm.]

But good news? He can't possess you if you don't deal with him, and without a corporeal form he's pretty limited in what damage he can do. Still got the omniscience and nightmares to contend with, but who hasn't had to deal with a few nightmares? [It's fine. He's fine.]

[Ford puts a comforting hand on Dipper’s shoulder.] If you happened to follow his instructions and you drew a triangle with an eye, I suggest you destroy that paper immediately--preferably by burning it. If you can help it, do NOT engage! I cannot stress that enough. Do not be a fool just because you think you can handle yourself. It’s not worth the risk.

[Dipper nods firmly.] If he contacts you? Let us know. If he… takes an interest in you or something, definitely let us know. We're experts on dealing with him. We can help. We can also answer any questions you might have. To the extent that there are answers, anyway. There are still definitely more questions.

[He gives a serious nod, glances up at Ford, then looks into the camera.]

That's it for now, Wonderland. Stay safe, and come to us with any questions.

Comments

[charlastan]

No! You're both actin' like a couple twelve-year-olds. [A pause.] ...Thirteen. Whatever. Point is, I'd bet you anything he's gonna want it back eventually.

[He doesn't care if Ford's having any of it, he's shoving the journal back at him.]

[mviw]

You want to make that a real wager, Stan? If you do, be aware that it's one you are going to lose. [He pushes it at Stan again.]

If he wants it back eventually, I will personally go on the network and tell everyone that you are better at chess than I am.

[charlastan]

Please, I've never lost a bet in my life.

[Says the man who literally lost a bet a few weeks ago to a teenager, with all the confidence in the world.]

And if he doesn't want it back eventually, I'll uh. [Hm...] I'll go on the network and publicly apologize for runnin' around with your name when I first got here. How's that?

[mviw]

Hah! You lost a bet to a teenager. You didn't think those would be the real terms, did you?

He has to say he wants it back, and he can't want it back because he needs it for the contents, or because he wants to impress someone, or because he's bored, or because he thinks I don't deserve to have it and he's afraid I am an evil villain waiting to destroy another universe with it. He also can't want it back in order to try and dismantle the portal, which I suspect he'll try and we should stop that from happening because he will get himself hurt.

So.

He has to want it back for sentimental value and he has to admit it.

[Heh.] Didn't you lose a bet to Mabel too?

[charlastan]

Those bets didn't count - from here on out, I've never lost a bet in my life.

[Ford does his best to close the loopholes, sure, but Stan almost laughs when he notices Ford didn't close the biggest one.]

But yeah, sure. That shouldn't be too hard - except, I'm addin' a condition. He doesn't have to say it say it, as long as it's clear why he wants it. [This time he does laugh a little.] You know us Pines men and how much we hate admittin' we're sentimental suckers.

[Plus, pushing that too hard turns it into trying to make Dipper admit he was wrong, and that's not what he's going for here. That won't fix a damn thing.]

So, we got a deal, Poindexter?

[mviw]

[Ford glares at Stan and mulls this over. This seems like a bad idea, but not entirely terrible.]

Only on the condition that if Dipper makes it clear he doesn't want the journal, that's the end of it--the end of "eventually." I don't want to push him, and if the kid wants to be respected then I'll respect that decision.

If you agree, then we have a deal.

[charlastan]

[And there it goes, and there goes Stan's smug face right along with it.]

Aw, come on!

[Stan stubbornly crosses his arms and frowns and suddenly it's like they're ten years old again, making dumb bets and nit-picking the terms as much as they possibly can. He mulls it over for a moment, but eventually he groans.]

Ugh, fine! Deal! I don't need a fail safe to win this bet anyhow!

[Except honestly, he's not as confident without it...but, he can at least act the part. He's good at that.]