1 🐻 TEXT.

[accelerate]

[ have you seen a golden streak throughout wonderland? that's barry — the flash — scoping out the place. making sure it's up to snuff and reasonably safe (ha ha, another earth being safe? oh, barry) and searching for (1) the cheshire cat (2) the caterpillar with the hookah and (3) the queen of hearts, he's found himself so disappointed not to find (4) the mad hatter. it's like he's losing this scavenger hunt no one else is playing. ]

[ he makes sure his username is BEARY 🐻 for #reasons no one will ever guess. keeping his tone cheery and upbeat, barry's close to fooling himself that he doesn't feel so empty on the inside and infinitely defeated. ]

Little Barry fell
d
o
w
n
the hole
bumped his head
and idk about my soul tbh jw if I've gone mad here??

Okay, sorry, that wasn't a real question. Siri's not even answering me so I'm guessing it's just not even a good one to ask? What kind of Wonderland doesn't even have Jitters?

Assuming I've gone mad and I'm not going to lose my head, I've decided to come to my wise fish with a specific porpoise. Fish don't go anywhere without one.

I want to know when tea-time is (seriously, guys, I'm really, really, REALLY hungry and I could use some snacks, like high on the sugar, maybe cupcakes with icing, ice-cream in the cone, chocolate ...) and if I'm invited because I kiiiiiiind of waited in the tea-room for like an hour and a half at 6PM — ON THE DOT btw — and no one turned up? Like, come on, I'm a great party guest … even though I'm over a mile high.

What do I have to do to be in the cool kid's club????

Comments

[accelerate]

Keep the icecream in a cone away from the zombies at all costs. Got it.

Why assholes? I thought Wonderland was full of weird and eccentric people. Like Tweedle Dee and Dumb.

[rosswood]

yeah well that was before everyone else got here

[accelerate]

[ there are people here worse than those dumb guys? the queen of hearts takes the cake as one of the worst ... but that's all subjective, isn't it? ]

So who's an asshole? So I'm up to speed here. I wouldn't want to eat their cupcake.

[rosswood]

well you've got people who'll sass you
like me
then you've got people who are just shifty motherfuckers but won't let you catch them doing anything wrong
and then you've got your actual straight-up murderers

[accelerate]

Murderers fell down the rabbit hole?

[ barry shouldn't be surprised some bad apples fall into this barrel of eccentricities, but a part of him will always want to believe the good in people and the world. maybe this is something for the flash to handle. ]

I mean, wow. Wonderland needs to consider doing some background checks before letting anyone drink the shrink me potion and walk through the door.

Is there anyone around to stop them?

[rosswood]

yeah the place is full of hero types
but i mean
seeing as we're fish in a barrel here they tend to fly under the radar

[accelerate]

Unless you're Nemo or Flounder I don't really think that excuses it.

But who am I but a desperate newbie who just wants to dine with the Mad Hatter and friends? I just want to be mad and Wonderland isn't letting me. 😔

[rosswood]

give it time
you will be soon enough

[accelerate]

[ tbh barry suspects he's already a little mad, given all the time discrepancies and time travellers he's come across. what's there to lose if he goes a little madder? ]

Is that the only way to cope with being here?

[rosswood]

i never said it was a coping thing
just a side effect of being here
place messes with you

[accelerate]

Guessing it's a bad kind of messing with you, since it's Wonderland and everyone there's supposedly crazy if you read the book that way.

How long do I have to be here before things start to go a little mad for me? Is there a timeline? I want to make sure I'm wearing the appropriate footwear. Comfort is important.

[rosswood]

couple events in maybe
everybody's gotta go a little nuts to stay sane here

also bring some kind of blunt heavy object

[accelerate]

[ so, this sounds a little like home. every few weeks, a meta pops up and wants to either (1) kill the flash or (2) just wreak havoc. how bad could wonderland be compared to the shitstorm that's central city? ]

Do I want to know how bad these events get? Other than taking away my sanity. Not sure if I have much of that left tbqh.

Blunt object for the possible zombie apocalypse?

[rosswood]

no we already had a zombie apocalypse
the blunt object is for you
you don't wanna be conscious for some of these i promise

[accelerate]

[ that doesn't bode well for him. ]

On a scale of 1 - 10, how scared AND prepared should I be?

So on two scales.

[rosswood]

ok well i'm pretty sure there's no way to actually prepare for these events
wonderland just kinda chucks them at us at full force

but on a scale of no to yes in terms of whether you should be scared?

yes.
very yes.

[accelerate]

I'll be sure to proceed with caution. Kind of doubting there's going to be signs on display for when these events come around. I mean, they can't even let you know on the menu here when tea-time is.

What's the worst event that's happened here so far?

[rosswood]

well there were the zombies
then there was the magical fantasy elf flu
there was the one where our emotions went fucking haywire

sometimes wonderland warns us but it's always super fucking vague

[accelerate]

WTF is magical elf flu? Did you all turn into Legolas with the really nice flowing hair I think he brushes 100 times a day?

I can't say I'm surprised. At least Wonderland TRIES to give you a warning? 5/10 for effort.

[rosswood]

nah it just turned people into weird splotchy veiny beasts
some of them became zombies???
it wasn't very clear

[accelerate]

Ew. Glad I was late for that one.

Do you have ANY favorite events? Is this one of those six impossible things I'm believing in before breakfast?

[rosswood]

no
i don't think anyone here does

[accelerate]

Seriously?

There hasn't been one event you've liked?

That sucks.

With all the stuff that happens back home, sure, there's the parts you don't like — they're the big parts — but there's always something you end up liking. Even if it's small.

[ going to earth-2 had been something of a lesson for barry. he'd learned he didn't like a life where he and joe weren't friends, but he did like how he felt being married to iris, watching her live her dream of being a cop, and living somewhat of a normal life as a human without powers. but he almost missed being the flash. ]

[ if the events are anything like travelling to other earths, he thinks he's got this in the bag. ]

[rosswood]

it's better than where i was
that's about all it has going for it

this place blows what can i say

[accelerate]

Wonderland's worse than home?

Even with the free stuff and the unlimited Internet?