e x p e r i m e n t #05 (accidental video)

[mviw]

[When the broadcast starts, it goes from silence to the immediate noise of two people screaming, punctuated by the sound of laser gunshots and mechanical whirring. It seems the device is on a side-table, giving a flat view of Ford and Alphys… perched on another table. Alphys is curled up, hands over her head, looking incredibly distressed, while Ford seems to be shooting at something off-camera.]

Oh m-my god, oh my god, we’re going to d-die here, I’m so s-sorry, I didn’t know they were all going to start...

Don’t worry! I happen to have excellent aim.

[All of a sudden, something takes a flying leap up onto the table, and Alphys yells as Ford shoots it down. The ensuing shot causes the device to fall over, revealing the floor is absolutely covered in knife wielding box tentacles, some with multiple arms, some with multiple knives, all running over each other and stabbing the floor, themselves, and the table. Alphys is still yelling. Ford is still shooting. It looks like an absolute catastrophe.]

Maybe we shouldn’t have prototyped them with the basic ability to learn--

Well it w-would have been fine if it was just, y-you know, one of them! They weren’t all supposed to turn on at the same time!

[Suddenly, Alphys turns her head and seems to notice the device, turning herself around and reaching out to grab it, bringing it in close to her and Ford.]

Uh, t-this is totally under control! No need to panic! I d-don’t, uhm, know how long this has been broadcasting, but, it’s f-fine! … And m-maybe don’t come to Ford’s room for, uhm, a little bit, for uh. Reasons.

Is that thing on? Uh, I mean-- Yes! Everything is absolutely, 100% under control. There is no need to worry about anythi-- [Ford cuts himself off and hisses.] Watch out, Alphys! I think it just tasted my blood!!

Oh g-god please don’t let that do anything new.

[And the device blinks off, cutting out the mechanical whirring sounds with it.]

Comments

video;

[sciencelizard]

Oh g-gosh, I'm so sorry-- are you, uhm, b-both of you okay?? I didn't m-mean to broadcast this...

[circlejerked]

I'm more worried about you. What are those things?

_{[Anders absent-mindedly dabs at his knee where Ash's claws had raked him, still focusing on the camera. Cat claws are marginally less life-threatening than knives, thank the Maker.]}

You scientist types get yourselves into trouble more than any other group of people I've ever met.

_{[Except maybe mages. But there aren't that many of them in Wonderland, so they don't count.]}

[sciencelizard]

Uh, they're just, some t-things Ford and I invented? On accident. And then activated, uhm, a-also on accident.

[She looks pretty embarrassed, tbh.]

[circlejerked]

Okay, one of those things sounds like an accident.

_{[The latter, he can believe. The former, however...]}

You tripped and fell and... attached a tentacle to a box? And a knife to the tentacle? Tentacles?

[sciencelizard]

I mean, it stated with the tentacles, because if they went too fast they would fling t-themselves across the room, and it was funny, so we boxed it, but then we s-started weighing them down to see the reactions, and then, the k-knife was a joke, somewhere along the line, about, uhm, a m-mutual friend of ours, and it just... happened???

The a-activation was an accident though. It should've, uhm, o-only turned on one of them. The power of the RFID w-was set too high.

[circlejerked]

Tentacles with knives. Yeah, I can... see the humor in that.

_{[No, he can't, and his raised eyebrow says as much. But, you know, this is coming from the same guy who makes jokes about the grisly deaths of templars. Taste is relative.]}

Dare I ask why you had a room full of tentacles just waiting around to be armed? You could have picked anything. Like potted sunflowers. Or teddy bears. Or... never mind, I wouldn't want to see teddy bears with knives, either.

[sciencelizard]

I mean, it's kind of a j-joke about a person we know? And I mean, we g-got everything from the closets, but the tentacles were a residual f-from an old project, and originally we had w-wanted a specific mechanic that we knew was in those, but...

I don't really know how to explain this in a way that, uhm, makes sense. I'm sorry. It just, uh, k-kind of happened.

[circlejerked]

Is that mutual friend of yours a broodmother? I'm picking up a bit of a malicious tentacle monster vibe, though I'm sure they're very cute and cuddly when deactivated.

_{[Really, no need to apologize to him, Alphys. As a Wonderland veteran, he's quite used to things making no sense.]}

Match. Fuse. I get it. Do you need help over there?

[sciencelizard]

What's a broodmother? ... Y-You know what, maybe I don't want to know.

[Since he did use the words 'malicious tentacle monster' in there.]

Ford is, uhm, c-clearing a path to the transmitter, so I can deactivate them. I think we're gonna be okay. Then uh, I'm i-immediately taking all the knives off.

[And possibly lighting them on fire.]

[circlejerked]

_{[He waves a hand. She's right, she really doesn't want to know.]}

I'll give you a hint: they're not all that broody or motherly.

<sub>[But in the grand scheme of things, Alphys' imagination might be the thing to truly fear if this is the result of a good-natured joke on her part. Here's hoping she and Ford never see a reason to stick a broodmother in a crate and give it sharp instruments.

Seriously. He'll quit life if it comes to darkspawn jack-in-the-boxes.]</sub>

Well, yell if your armed and dangerous inventions get the better of you. It'd be shame if you lost your tail to a tentacle. What would your cat play with then?

[sciencelizard]

O-Of course! I wouldn't want Mew Mew to g-go without.

[Trust her, Anders, she's seen darkspawn, and she has no desire to experiment on anything like that. 100% no thank you sir.]

[circlejerked]

That's right, think of the cats!

<sub>[The cats of this world need you, Alphys. They need you to not get stabbed by your inventions.

... Better yet, to not invent things that can stab you in the first place.]</sub>

Next time maybe you can repurpose the tentacles to dangle cat toys instead. Much better.

[sciencelizard]

You know, that c-could actually be a good idea! Like, a turning mobile, but for cat toys...

[That could be a fun prototype. Mew Mew loves those little wand danglers, but playing with her when Alphys wants to sleep can get tedious.]

If I can come up with any good prototypes, y-you'll be the first to know!

[circlejerked]

_{[This is Anders nodding along. Yes, good, do that. Operation Get Alphys To Use Her Powers For Good and Not Evil seems to be working.]}

There you go. And much less hazardous to one's health unless you plan on tickling someone to death with a furry cattail. You'll call if your friend there can't get the homicidal ones under control?

_{[He really doesn't want to find out later they have a double murder on their hands.]}

[sciencelizard]

[This is a good mission, Anders. Keep her on the path of justice.]

Of c-course. Don't worry, though. I think we've almost got it!

[It will, in fact, be handled swiftly. No need to worry.]