entranceway | e x p e r i m e n t #05 (accidental video)

[When the broadcast starts, it goes from silence to the immediate noise of two people screaming, punctuated by the sound of laser gunshots and mechanical whirring. It seems the device is on a side-table, giving a flat view of Ford and Alphys… perched on another table. Alphys is curled up, hands over her head, looking incredibly distressed, while Ford seems to be shooting at something off-camera.]

Oh m-my god, oh my god, we’re going to d-die here, I’m so s-sorry, I didn’t know they were all going to start...

Don’t worry! I happen to have excellent aim.

[All of a sudden, something takes a flying leap up onto the table, and Alphys yells as Ford shoots it down. The ensuing shot causes the device to fall over, revealing the floor is absolutely covered in knife wielding box tentacles, some with multiple arms, some with multiple knives, all running over each other and stabbing the floor, themselves, and the table. Alphys is still yelling. Ford is still shooting. It looks like an absolute catastrophe.]

Maybe we shouldn’t have prototyped them with the basic ability to learn--

Well it w-would have been fine if it was just, y-you know, one of them! They weren’t all supposed to turn on at the same time!

[Suddenly, Alphys turns her head and seems to notice the device, turning herself around and reaching out to grab it, bringing it in close to her and Ford.]

Uh, t-this is totally under control! No need to panic! I d-don’t, uhm, know how long this has been broadcasting, but, it’s f-fine! … And m-maybe don’t come to Ford’s room for, uhm, a little bit, for uh. Reasons.

Is that thing on? Uh, I mean-- Yes! Everything is absolutely, 100% under control. There is no need to worry about anythi-- [Ford cuts himself off and hisses.] Watch out, Alphys! I think it just tasted my blood!!

Oh g-god please don’t let that do anything new.

[And the device blinks off, cutting out the mechanical whirring sounds with it.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You h-have access to concentrated d-dark matter??

[What she could not do with concentrated dark matter, holy hell. Now she's wondering if you can get that out of the closets.]

Well, uh, monsters d-do most everything with magic, seeing as, uhm, we're m-made of it. It's just another w-way of interacting with uh, science.

I basically invented it.

See, yeah, i-i-if you have no choice then it's whatever. But let me fucking tell you, if you can build something without magic then you'd better do it, because magic is goddamn finicky as fuck. An engine running on fusion or antimatter's gonna be a, a safer bet than one that runs on hopes and dreams.

Well, magic is only unstable if you don't know h-how to use it, or it's properties in interaction with l-local physics. But, uhm, a lot of humans have also told me magic doesn't work very, uh, p-predictably in their world, like it does ours.

[She can track magical surges and weave it into anything without much trouble. But other worlds seems much more complicated.]

Yeah, except as soon as you take it out of the local physics where it works it goes fucko again. Plenty of dimensions wh-where that shit works just fine, but when you're j-jumping dimensions you need something more reliable than, than, than fairy dust.

Well, uhm, I've never been to a-any other dimensions, so, uhm, I don't know anything about that. Except, uh, this one, t-technically.

[She's barely ever been out of the Underground before coming here, so jeez, that sounds complicated.]

J-Just trust me when I say that dimensional physics become fuckdamn s-stupid and if you're running something that relies on a specific dimension to function, you're fucked.

Well, uhm, that would make... sense.

[She really has no idea how to deal with that, so she'll just take his word for it.]

It's bullshit that we don't get t-t-to retain information when we go home, otherwise I'd say try, try and apply your magic to interdimensional travel, or whatever. Oh fucking well.

Well, uhm, if I ever g-get the chance here, I can, uh, let you know? I mean, uhm, it works here just fine, or I wouldn't be, uh, very alive otherwise. But I think Wonderland allows most t-things from it's outside worlds to function for, uh, that exact r-reason.

Sure, whatever. Listen, I don't collab with other scientists real often, too many, t-too many cooks, you know? But you seem like less utter shit than most and it's been like, like twenty years or whatever since I worked with a lizard, so yeah.

[And if her pastime is building tentacle boxes then at least it could be fun and not terrible.]

Oh! Well, uhm, t-thank you.

[That was a compliment, right? Yes. Probably.]

Well, uhm, if you ever have something you, uh, n-need built or, uhm, want some magical advice or something, I have an office at the l-lab downstairs. As well as, uhm, a p-personal one up on the second floor.

Yeah, well, you're a b-better option for technomancy help than, than Pontiac over there. Fuck that guy.

Only because you know I'm better than you with it. Alphys, don't collaborate with him, he's a jackass. I can't stop you, but consider that fair warning.

LEAVE THE LIZARD OUT OF THIS, FORD.

YOU DRAGGED HER INTO IT BY BRINGING ME UP.

Okay well this was a n-nice conversation but maybe we could not do any of this and leave now.

[WHY]

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO RESPOND!

e x p e r i m e n t #05 (accidental video)

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video] i'm so sorry

[video]

[video]

[video] i love you two

[video]