entranceway | ( action | text ) here's to all the hearts that didn't make it home

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( action | text ) here's to all the hearts that didn't make it home

[ it is (was?) the season to be jolly, and iris west~~-allen~~ is a terrible gift-giver.

she could probably do worse if she made the effort, but that's not saying much. thankfully, she won't realize the full extent of how lacking her gift is in comparison to barry's. he is currently ushering her through a door, asking that she cover her eyes to keep the surprise intact. she can hear the boyish excitement in his voice, and as always, it's infectious. a flutter rises in her stomach as she waits. ] Open your eyes ... now!

[ and open her eyes she does.

barry is no longer anywhere to be found, and instead of a newly leased apartment, iris finds herself in wonderland again. at least the rabbit hole was thoughtful this time around: it's let her to the mansion steps. it's snowing. it wasn't snowing before when she — when she what?

a light shiver creeps up her spine as iris finds her way inside.

it takes several minutes, perhaps longer than that, for the full weight of her memories to return to her. they come back in pieces, and confusion soon gives way to apprehension. she's been here before. but that doesn't make sense, she was home and how could she possibly forget in the interim?

the click-clack of high heels signals her arrival, her eyes taking everything in. old memories coalesce with new ones, and she almost sways to the side at the impact. this isn't the wonderland she remembers. not exactly. and everything is so quiet, as if the whole world is sleeping. iris takes off her coat, the red velvet dress she wears underneath it suggesting she'd been having a celebration of her own. it's winter in wonderland: how much has she missed?

her steps quicken, iris now in full search mode. she won't stop until she sees a familiar face. ]

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[ iris west is a reporter back in her home world, and it's a shame she has not taken advantage of the network as much as she should. tends to happen when you lose yourself digging up info within the network. ten years worth of it. her notes went missing the day she did, so she'll have to start from the ground up.

let us tell you, it won't be easy. but it's also not impossible.

to iris west, impossible is nothing.

once she is more or less settled in and let those closest to her know she has returned, she reaches out to the network. ]

I've got a few questions for you, Wonderland.

Specifically, I have questions for those of you who've been sent home and were brought back. Note: I won't turn down information even if this technically doesn't apply to you. I'll take everything you've got.

1. Were you able to remember anything about Wonderland while you were home?
2. How long were you gone Wonderland-wise, and were all your Wonderland memories intact when you returned?

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I can safely say I'm in one piece and my memories of our brownie encounters are intact.

[ besides, anders is pretty damn memorable as it is. ]

Back up a little, though. I'm going to need to hear more about this peanut shortage.

[ of course he was. it's the thought barry has that feels so palpable it exists as it's own entity in his room. thawne's like the shadow he can't get rid of. he haunts him wherever he goes, from childhood when he hadn't realised the monster under his bed was real to adulthood where he simply can't run fast enough away from it. ]

[ despite iris' words, he doesn't feel relief. thawne'll be around, lingering like a bad smell. he knows it; he can't exist in a universe without thawne somewhere in his peripherals, just like he doubts eobard thawne had ever existed in any point in time without the red shade of the flash imposing its weight on him. ]

[ he sighs, rubbing his face with his hands and finds that the attempt to alleviate the tension and tiredness from beneath his eyes only encourages it to grow heavier. quietly, and a little hopelessly: ] I don't know, Iris. [ he shakes his head, shoulders shifting slightly beneath her weight in a half-assed attempt at a shrug. ] I wish I knew.

[ he looks down; despite his voice being low, anger hums beneath them. ] All I want to do is finish this. But Wonderland will only bring him back. I just have to be smarter and faster and — [ it's the same song and dance as before, isn't it? it's always a race to up his speed, to somehow learn of an enemy who doesn't exist. he looks up at her and rests his open palms on her legs. ] You need to be careful. When I spoke to him, he mentioned my wife. And ... that was you.

Pretty great, right? [He grins and slips inside before finally holding her ice cream out to her.] So, what's it like, coming back here after being back home, anyway? Pretty trippy, I bet.

[ iris wants barry to catch a break.

she wants him to have respite from thawne, from the past, from his grief. but life waits for no one to be ready, and neither does wonderland, and thawne certainly won't, either. he doesn't know what to do, and truth be told, neither does iris. but it does not discourage her. ]

Then we figure it out together.

[ they're more than a team, they're a family, and iris has faith in them. she has endless faith in barry. it's why her voice doesn't waver, and neither does her belief. where he is tired, she will pick up the slack. the reminder she hyphenates her name in a future, if it still is indeed the future, no longer fazes her. she still believes they make their own destiny, but her choice is barry. she will remain steadfast in that choice and in her love for him. ] You don't need to worry about me. I can handle Thawne.

[ more importantly: ] And so can you. But you won't have to be strong alone. Okay?

You were definitely missed.
You have a lot of people here who care deeply for you. I'm sure they've already welcomed you back in style.

And I've gotten some. [She can go a long way, but she can't go a week. Especially with the migraines she gets. If she hadn't gotten sleep, she'd be in her room, entirely incapacitated.]

But I'll never say no to a coke.

Now that you mention it, it is a relief to know someone else out there has experienced the same thing.

[ she wouldn't with this on freya, but it's still nice to have someone who understands. ]

I went home for a significant amount of time. It was months.

[ and so much changed. she isn't used to being the one ahead of the curve. ]

Not yet, but I don't plan on throwing the towel in yet.

I'm used to the impossible, and my job back home is to uncover the truth, so that's what I'm going to do. [ wherever she is. ]

I'm Iris, by the way. I don't think I've spoken with you before.

[ it almost aches her chest, how wide and bright cisco's grin is.

she wants to preserve him this way, before he knew grief so intimately. before so many things fractured. ] Trippy is a word for it. Once I was sent back, it's like I was never here in the first place. Do you have any idea what makes that possible?

I'd have missed you guys too, if I'd remembered. :(
Thankfully, no one disappeared for good in my absence. With Wonderland, you never really know, do you?

[ aha!

note to self: invincible georgia mason's kryptonite is coke.

iris starts to lead them in the direction of the coffee shop, appraising her surroundings as she goes. ] Do these decorations have anything to do with the event, or did Wonderland just feel like giving a nod to the holidays? It looks so different.

[He considers it for a moment as he drops into a chair. He thought after Earth-2, he understood more about how alternate universes worked, but Wonderland seems to work completely differently, within its own parameters that don't match what he knows.]

I don't know...it's kinda weird, right? I mean, we knew multiple universes existed, and when me and Barry went to E-2, we didn't have weird memory gaps... Maybe there's something different about Wonderland that makes it keep our memories of being here somehow, if we're sent home.

But not everybody remembers, right? Some people leave and come back, but never remember their first trip here... but I wonder why?

[ sometimes barry wishes he could be just like joe and iris, having endless amounts of faith in himself. ]

[ when he lets himself acknowledge who he is to eobard thawne, he doesn't understand it. he can barely see where the flash of the future begins and the flash of the past ends. he's certain joe has a joeism for him, or dad would say something like "slugger, the flash of the future begins and ends with you", but barry doesn't let himself think of what dad would say, or what joe would offer in his stead. ]

[ eobard thawne will always be a sore spot he may never understand how to soothe, but he wishes that sore didn't extend to anyone beyond him. if barry allen wishes for anything, it's not control over time, but over how far hurt's extended beyond him to reach out and try and capture his friends. thawne's killed his mother in a bid to traumatise the man behind the mask so badly it changes history itself. he's gone out of his way here to remind barry eobard thawne knows a lot more about him than barry knows himself, having not lived half of what he's meant to yet. iris will always be a part of his life, but that by-line only solidifies she becomes a much more significant part, and perhaps one that protests loudly to remaining detached to barry allen and the very thin tether between him and the flash. ]

[ he lets out a small sigh, shoulders hunching because of it. there's no use in fighting, even though barry knows eobard thawne's a problem he has to deal with. he will, anyway, if what he understands of the future tells him as much. ]

[ he shakes his head, and softly: ] I don't want you left alone with him. I made — I'll make a mistake eleven years ago, and I'm not going to make it again.

Are you a detective? Or is it something a little more niche than that?

[ Steve's met all types here, he's ready for anything. Either way, it's refreshing to speak to someone who's still so determined to get to the bottom of this place. ]

No, we haven't spoken before. Or texted, I guess. I'm Steve.

I believe you.

[ she believed him when they were eleven and he told her about the lightning-carrying man in yellow. adults and therapists alike thought he was crazy, but not iris. she's believed him ever since. barry is not doomed to repeat the same mistakes. his powers afford him incredible and dangerous opportunities, but she believes in the day he will only choose to move forward. and she is going to be there on that day, like she is here now.

the tips of her fingers hook underneath his chin, tipping it upward so that their eyes meet. ]

But I'm not letting you do this on your own. You've never had to.

[ and wonderland changes the rules of the game, not that it's ever been a game to her or barry. eobard is bound to the same impossible rules, and he won't get his way. iris, for her part, will not allow barry to lose himself in the process. thawne can taunt him as much as he wants.

they're in this together, even if together for iris now means a very different thing. ]

[the ache spreads out in her chest. her eyes burn, and she swallows thickly as she tightens her hold on iris. it feels nice to be lifted up and held so tightly like she's important and loved and cared for. there is a solidness to this hold, which reassures her. this is real. iris is real, and she's back somehow despite the fact she'd been certain she'd be gone forever. she'd heard if it's been a week that's the sign, but something- maybe there's something else.

she smiles against iris' shoulder.]

I was about to yell at whoever took your room.

[she says it like it's a joke even if it's true, and she gets she shouldn't have because whoever it was wouldn't be at fault, but-- clementine is many things but nice isn't necessarily one of them. not anymore.]

That's a relief to hear. Not many people go missing that long and come back remembering their stay. That's one fashionably late return, Ms. West.

_{[Teasing is his way of saying "welcome back."]}

One word: Barry Allen. I guess that's two words.

A little bit. But I won't hold it against you.

[ iris hands him a spoon before she settles in with her own yummy ice cream, growing silent and attentive as she listens. cisco's mind is brilliant, there is no doubt about that, and he speaks this kind of language far better than iris. she believes in team s.t.a.r. labs wholeheartedly. ]

Well.

If it's true that Wonderland feeds off our memories, maybe it holds them hostage somehow.

I'm a reporter. It does entail some detective work.

[ and her father is a detective. she's learned a thing or two from joe west. ]

It's good to meet you, Steve. Thanks for taking the time out of your day to answer my questions. The survey might not lead to any conclusive information, but it never hurts to keep track of the comings and goings as much as we can.

[ iris smiles into clementine's hair, lingering in the embrace for a while longer.

eventually, she does set clementine back down, an amused and slightly chastising expression on her face. ]

Talk about a missed opportunity.

[ not that she doubts for a moment that clementine would have done it. she may be tiny, but she is fierce and very set in her ways. iris has spent enough time with clementine to get to really know her, and it means so much to her that they can see each other again. ] You've been okay?

I appreciate that.

Well, there is that.

ROFFLENET is... what remains of the internet, I guess. It's slow, and we have been reduced to ASCII art of cats. But it's got people connected. It's useful.

I thought you would.

I don't know what you're talking about? I'm just looking to have a friendly chat with you. Really, I think it's a pity that I don't get more of a chance to talk to the wife of my enemy. He tends to be overprotective of his loved ones.

[And yes, Iris is Barry's wife. Maybe not now, but that's the way it is in history and he sees no reason to amend his addressing.]

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( action | text ) here's to all the hearts that didn't make it home

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