video

[fulllifeconsequences]

[They're outside the mansion. Judging from the background noise of rushing water, they've propped their camera up on the fountain. The feed is otherwise silent as they fiddle with components - PVC piping, a can of hairspray, PVC glue, all the usual expected components that scream "misguided attempt at a backyard potato gun." Because that's what they're making. A misguided attempt at a backyard potato gun.]

Amazing, the things the closets will just let you have. Few people seem to consider what being a child in Wonderland means. Bedtime is never, there's no such thing as education, and you can eat nothing but Twinkies and Cap'n Crunch if you want to. I kill the time by working in a diner, and nobody breathes a word about child labour.

Guess it's pretty lucky we never have to worry about growing up, because we're probably learning some pretty messed up things. People like me aren't supposed to have limitless freedom. It's bad for us. We abuse it.

Oh well.

What do you think would happen if I fired a grenade out of this thing?

Comments

[video]

[didntknowbest]

Who said that you do not have a bedtime? And please, do not tell me that you have been spoiling your appetite with junk food.

Also, I do not know what it is you are making but please tell me it is not some kind of bomb or firework.

[video]

[fulllifeconsequences]

[BUSTEDDDDD]

Would you believe I was speaking hypothetically?

[Totally hypothetically. Definitely. For sure.]

I'm just doing science, ma'am. I'm taking my education into my own hands!

[video]

[normandysbest]

[Okay. Objectively, she knows Chara is up to no good. All of those things are Gun Materials and from a woman who's specifically trained in how to build a gun out of anything, she knows what the hell Gun Things Are.

She should... say something. Advise them. Or whatever. This first part of the message looks very, very strained.]

Well, it probably wouldn't be wise, considering it's... a gun, or...

[She can't. She can't do this. She literally just bursts out laughing and has to hold her own head up for a fucking moment.]

If you want the scientific answer, the recoil might make it not fire properly. You're gonna need a much thicker pipe.

[video]

[fulllifeconsequences]

[Chara should probably be vexed that they're being laughed at, but let's be honest: you don't bother to film yourself futzing around with plastic pipes and combustibles unless you're intentionally fishing for reactions. Kids, if nothing else, love attention.

Besides, they kind of like it when Shepard laughs. There's something endearing about a world weary, scarred marine cracking up.]

Hold on, I should be taking notes on this! This is expert potato grenade advice!

So, hypothetically, what is the ideal PVC thickness for launching potatoes, especially if they happen to be made of shrapnel and fire instead of potato?

video

[determinedest]

[Frisk isn't looking up yet when they answer. They're trying to get better at knitting gifts for people without constantly dropping the stitch, the edges uneven and the cloth frayed from their failed attempts, from sleepless nights passed by partaking in a hobby they're not yet very good at.

Their tone is matter-of-fact.]

You have a rocket launcher.

video

[fulllifeconsequences]

Golly, Frisk, I'd have thought you would be happy I'm not making the rocket launcher my first answer for everything. Potatoes are much more pacifistic than rockets.

[Especially when the potatoes are grenades, right?

They pause for a second, picking up their phone to peer at the screen. Not enough in the frame to see how much Frisk has knit, and the needles clearly aren't the kind of extreme size that would suggest either very bulky or very fine yarn, so no hints there.]

What are you making?

Text

[screwedontight]

[Obviously if Seth sends a text and doesn't put his face to things, his brother won't give him shit about children. Sure, that's some logic.]

Listen. You want to launch grenades, you are going to need a damn good explosive charge, rig the system to pull the pin as it fires, and make sure you have a full, perfect seal.

You don't and you're looking at it dropping about four feet away if you're lucky and turning you into ground meat.

Text

[fulllifeconsequences]

I know the failure condition is meant to scare me straight, but I'm a little hard-pressed to see the downside of the ground meat scenario.

Maybe I can find some other means of delivering a projectile that explodes on impact, if not a grenade. Switch to a pneumatic delivery and fire... I don't know, water balloons full of kerosene? Innovation is the mother of necessity, after all!

[That's totally how the saying goes. Definitely.]

text; >.> just threadjacking, nbd

[trigeminalheadache]

Are you OUT of your MIND?

[not here]

[punful]

[They're building a potato gun.]

[God, that's perfect. What kid hasn't tried that at least once in their life? It's normal. Potentially violent, but largely harmless. Exactly the kind of dumb science he figured they'd enjoy.]

[He has no idea where they stand with each other now.]

[Probably ruin things if he actually said anything here, huh? Yeah. Let them have their fun. He...still needs to figure this out, anyway.]

[Still needs to figure this out.]

[video] time to have these two disasters meet

[wriggedywrecked]

God, y-you're doing it all wrong, th-this is fucking embarrassing. You're gonna need wider pipe, otherwise you're just, just gonna explode potato in your face. And fuck, I know h-hairspray is traditional, but pneumatic is o-objectively better. With pneumatic y-you can go the sniper route, wh-which is way more badass.

I-If you want it to launch grenades you're, you're gonna want actual metal, n-not PVC.

this can only go good places for the world as we know it

[fulllifeconsequences]

That's something the closets will actually let me have? Golly!

[...The closets could, at least theoretically, probably just hand them a grenade launcher directly and skip the fifth-grader DIY entirely, but where's the fun in that? Can't sell that on Etsy.]

How much soldering would one have to do to get the airtight sort of seals necessary for a pneumatic one? I have not exactly done a lot of welding before, but there's a first time for everything.

video

[krmvgivv]

[Things Dipper should probably worry about: the fact Chara wants to launch grenades from a potato gun.

That seems way less important than the fact that Chara is trying to RUIN EVERYTHING why are they incapable of being cool and NOT DRAWING ATTENTION to all the freedom they have.]

Chara, if the adults of Wonderland decide this means it's a great time to start enforcing bedtimes and school and stuff I swear I'll make you eat that potato gun.

video

[fulllifeconsequences]

You vastly underestimate the apathy of humankind, Dipper.

Which sounds more realistic to you: some adult sees this inherent flaw in the system and not only creates, but teaches and enforces an entire curriculum for all of Wonderland's underage residents? Or everyone just independently goes "well, not my problem" and things continue on in the manner that they always have?

[Text]

[mypartnerintime]

So if there was a bedtime and education and all that stuff, youd actually care.

[No, it's not a question. Yes, she knows the answer.]

[Text]

[fulllifeconsequences]

Heavens, no! Just because we're surrounded by criminally negligent adults doesn't mean I have to be even remotely responsible about my life choices.

video

[mviw]

The grenade will explode if you pulled the pin out before trying to fire it and it would explode you, the potato, and the pipe.

Sanchez is right, you'll want metal--I'd suggest looking for something steel. Chrome molybdenum is good for high stress usage, but unfortunately it's not easily welded and that business is going to need pre and post thermal treatments if you don't want welding defects like cracking. And when welding, always wear proper equipment. That fire'll cook your eyes like eggs!

For launching potatoes though, I suppose PVC would work.

video

[fulllifeconsequences]

Wow. And to think Dipper was worried you'd care about bedtime.

So, enlighten me. I only want the grenade to explode on impact, right? Or at least after a set amount of time. Is it not possible to have a launching system that doesn't involve heavy-duty combustion? It's the ammunition that has all the firepower in it, not the means that gets it where I want it, no?

[forwearemany]

Self determination is the right of all sapient beings.

(Legion probably shouldn't ever be in charge of caring for a child.)

[fulllifeconsequences]

Sounds nice in theory, but the reality isn't anywhere near as pleasant as that. Some beings haven't earned self-determination. Some beings are too dangerous to be trusted with control over themselves. They have to be kept in their place, don't they?

[Bitter? Who's bitter? CHARA'S NOT BITTER]

Video

[charlastan]

Eh. It's not like you wouldn't just learn messed up things somewhere else. Might as well learn it all here where no one dies forever.

[What a good role model.]

Weeeell you'd prolly blow your hands clean off using grenades in that. You'd be stuck with weird, boney stumps for a while, and how would you eat your Twinkies and cereal then?

Video

[fulllifeconsequences]

Seriously. I can't believe Dipper was concerned that either of you would give a single fig about a healthy bedtime.

[Good role models all around, tbh.]

That does raise an interesting question, though. What happens if you get mutilated in Wonderland? Do your little hand-stumps grow back over time, do your hands reappear after the next time you die, or do you get resurrected only to find that you're Stumphands McGee for the rest of your existence?

video;

[eatsyourscience]

The outcome would be pretty obvious, right?

[Grenades only really do one thing...]

video;

[fulllifeconsequences]

I mean, ideally, there would be explosions, sure. But it's a question of timing, isn't it? Does the grenade blow when it lands, like it's supposed to, or does it reduce me to meaty chunks of Mistake Confetti when I fire?

video;

[powerofmabel]

I just met a teenager who will probably come in here and start screaming about "regulations" and "safety" and "morals." I feel like we've been betrayed by our own legion, but he's hilarious so I've got mixed feelings on it.

video;

[fulllifeconsequences]

Mabel. I don't wish to alarm you, but I think you may have met a cryptid.

[A teenager? Caring about regulations and safety? THAT'S THE FAKEST THING CHARA HAS EVER HEARD.]

[Video]

[mettatonvevo]

[Chara!! It's been awhile since he's talked to the kid and if he were honest with himself (which lately, he hasn't been) he's been missing them terribly. He knows he shouldn't be reaching out to speak to others anymore, should be holding himself back, but seeing Chara's shenanigans brings a much welcomed smile on his face.]

I think, if the grenade actually went off, it would be a spectacular explosion of spud-y goodness!

[Video]

[fulllifeconsequences]

[Mettaton!! If there's anyone they can count on to give their various fire-centric shenanigans a thumbs up, surely it's him, right?]

I'd probably just end up with mashed potatoes, but maybe if we can get some oil into the mix somehow, we could manage a hash-brown shooter? Seems feasible, right?

video;

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

You won't know if you don't try it. I think you definitely should.

[#demon]

video;

[fulllifeconsequences]

Now that's the spirit! Say, which window is yours? I bet I could hit the mansion from here!