[video ]Just a normal dude being normal doot doot

[toolatetochangethename]

 [Okay, so, Wonderland.  Got it.  Cassie loved that book, especially the creepy stuff. His little girl, right there! 

[Nothing too creepy yet, but, hey: he dropped acid in college: he's so ready.  

[ No one knows who he is, and there are precisely ZERO Baskin-Robbins here (you bet your ass he checked) so his secret is safe. So this is his big chance, time to make a fresh start. Right. He's got this.  Eye of the tiger. Be the change. He's sure there's a cliche for it. 

[The point is, maybe this is a good thing. No, it is a good thing. He's got this. ] 

So. Uh. Hi. [He managed a cheezy smile and car salesman's hand wave.] 

I'm Scott....[Aaaand his mind goes blank.  How do people do this?  And why is the first thing that comes to mind 'and I'm totally not an ex-con'? 

[It's not that hard, Scott. Just, you know, sound normal. Whatever you do, don't sound suspicious or like you're trying to hide anything. Because what do you have to hide, right? hahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhh.] 

...and I'm completely normal. [NAILED. IT.]

Comments

[deathlessness]

Were you doing something illegal?

[It seems like a valid question to ask.]

Re: video;

[toolatetochangethename]

[Someone seems waaaaay too perky.]

Uh huh. You didn't eat any weird mushrooms or anything, recently?

[toolatetochangethename]

No. [You wound him!

He was returning stuff he stole which is like the opposite of a crime. Maybe.]

Okay, it was kind of a grey area. Legally speaking.

But that's not the point. He. Arrested. Me.

video;

[ladydemocracy]

Ask anyone! Apparently, that happens a lot here? I dunno, I haven't been here long enough to know for sure.

And for the record, I've never done drugs. Well, I did think I ate a pot brownie once. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable, actually. I felt like I was floating. But, as it turns out there wasn't any pot in it at all, it was just an insanely good brownie.

[deathlessness]

I see. That completely paints him in a whole new light.

[Her tone may be slightly dry to the point where it's hard to tell if she's serious or not.]

How rude of him.

Re: video;

[toolatetochangethename]

What happens a lot here? Turning into birds?

Good to know. I can start making a list of cars I want to crap on.

[If it were back home, it'd be a LOOONG list. ]

Wow. Just. That must be one of those 'women and chocolate' things.

[toolatetochangethename]

Exactly. Super rude. Like I said: asshole.

If you'd heard his whole smug lecture, you'd know. 'You had us convinced you were gonna change your ways, Scott'.

[Jim Paxton is The Worst.]

video;

[ladydemocracy]

Maybe? More like weird things happen no one can explain, but we all have to go through them together.

[ Leslie just shrugs a little, like 'what can you do?' ]

Or someone's really great at making brownies. Anyway, welcome to Wonderland! There are brochures and stuff but it can still be kind of overwhelming. I can answer any questions, if you want. Or show you around?

: video;

[toolatetochangethename]

Like prison, basically.

[Got it. Been there, done that, got punched by Peaches.]

I don't know. Now I want one of these brownies.

So, how long we stuck here for? Anyone not to piss off?

video;

[ladydemocracy]

I've never been in a real prison, but sure, like prison. And I only wish I could grant you one of the most awesome brownies I've ever eaten. You should probably talk to Snow White. I met her and she's awesome and she bakes things.

[ Casual name drop. ]

Here's the thing. Uh...some people have been here for over five years and have never left. Some people are here for five days and disappear. But the really good news is that time doesn't move while we're here, so no one will ever know you left home.

[captain_america]

[ Clearly he has a lot to learn, they don’t call him Captain Sass and Spangles for nothing. No one ever calls him that except Tony the one time...and Clint.

Scott gets a raised eyebrow. ]

You’ve met my team right?

[deathlessness]

The holier than thou are always the worst, aren't they?

[That? That Freya has a fair amount of experience with. This she understands.]

[henrydaniel]

Hey, look man, in all seriousness, no judgment. Most everyone here has some kind of background that doesn't matter. We were all brought here, just like you.

[video forever]

[shrimpheavennow]

[Snort.]

Man, you new demons need acting lessons or something. Because that was rull bad.

video;

[toolatetochangethename]

Yeah, well, trust me. You bond, in prison.

[You also end up with sketchy roomies, but that's later.]

...well, the last one's good news. Pretty sure some pretty bad people would be highly pissed if I disappeared. [like the federal government.]

[toolatetochangethename]

Yeah. We got to know each other pretty well in the Raft.

[FUN TIMES.]

Look, you're not still mad about that whole truck thing. Because, I swear I thought it was a water truck.

[video forever]

[toolatetochangethename]

[Wat. ]

Look. If I were a demon. Like an actual demon demon, I'd probably choose a more terrifying name than, you know, Scott.

[toolatetochangethename]

Yeah. Exactly. Not like he's so perfect, right?

Just, for the record? When Cassie got attacked, who went to rescue her?

Me.

Not him. [In case she needed a few clues.]

[shrimpheavennow]

I mean, you've got a point there. But given "Michael" and "Vicky" were options before...

[She pauses, reconsidering.] No, actually, those were probably translations from whatever 9-dimensional words they were actually saying.

[Eleanor shakes herself. Back on track.]

Anyway! The point is: I'm onto you.

[toolatetochangethename]

Yeah, that's what they say, isn't it? Pay your debt to society and it's all over, right?

[Lies. All lies. As he learned the hard way.]

[toolatetochangethename]

Is everyone here on drugs? If so, can I get some?

[Because, seriously. This is like talking to Luis, except weirder.]

N-not like I'm a person who does drugs. [Just in case you're listening, child custody types.]

[deathlessness]

Mmmmm.

[A beat.]

Who's Cassie?

[toolatetochangethename]

Cassie is my daughter. And the coolest kid in the Western US. Probably the whole US.

Those two concepts are probably related, by the way.

[deathlessness]

I'm getting that. But I'm also betting my niece could try and challenge her for coolest kid in the whole US.

[She's just saying.]

But, she lives in New Orleans, so I suppose we can let them have their regional wins.

[toolatetochangethename]

Hmmmm, okay. But if we ever have a duel, Cassie gets to bring her ant.

[It's totally not cheating, but a girl with a dog-sized pet ant? That's got to tip any coolness basketball right into the net.]