[video ]Just a normal dude being normal doot doot

[toolatetochangethename]

 [Okay, so, Wonderland.  Got it.  Cassie loved that book, especially the creepy stuff. His little girl, right there! 

[Nothing too creepy yet, but, hey: he dropped acid in college: he's so ready.  

[ No one knows who he is, and there are precisely ZERO Baskin-Robbins here (you bet your ass he checked) so his secret is safe. So this is his big chance, time to make a fresh start. Right. He's got this.  Eye of the tiger. Be the change. He's sure there's a cliche for it. 

[The point is, maybe this is a good thing. No, it is a good thing. He's got this. ] 

So. Uh. Hi. [He managed a cheezy smile and car salesman's hand wave.] 

I'm Scott....[Aaaand his mind goes blank.  How do people do this?  And why is the first thing that comes to mind 'and I'm totally not an ex-con'? 

[It's not that hard, Scott. Just, you know, sound normal. Whatever you do, don't sound suspicious or like you're trying to hide anything. Because what do you have to hide, right? hahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhh.] 

...and I'm completely normal. [NAILED. IT.]

Comments

[toolatetochangethename]

Yeah, well, not him. He shouldn't make anyone happy.

[Harrumph.]

He arrested me. I mean. Come on. WHO DOES THAT?

[deathlessness]

Were you doing something illegal?

[It seems like a valid question to ask.]

[toolatetochangethename]

No. [You wound him!

He was returning stuff he stole which is like the opposite of a crime. Maybe.]

Okay, it was kind of a grey area. Legally speaking.

But that's not the point. He. Arrested. Me.

[deathlessness]

I see. That completely paints him in a whole new light.

[Her tone may be slightly dry to the point where it's hard to tell if she's serious or not.]

How rude of him.

[toolatetochangethename]

Exactly. Super rude. Like I said: asshole.

If you'd heard his whole smug lecture, you'd know. 'You had us convinced you were gonna change your ways, Scott'.

[Jim Paxton is The Worst.]

[deathlessness]

The holier than thou are always the worst, aren't they?

[That? That Freya has a fair amount of experience with. This she understands.]

[toolatetochangethename]

Yeah. Exactly. Not like he's so perfect, right?

Just, for the record? When Cassie got attacked, who went to rescue her?

Me.

Not him. [In case she needed a few clues.]

[deathlessness]

Mmmmm.

[A beat.]

Who's Cassie?

[toolatetochangethename]

Cassie is my daughter. And the coolest kid in the Western US. Probably the whole US.

Those two concepts are probably related, by the way.

[deathlessness]

I'm getting that. But I'm also betting my niece could try and challenge her for coolest kid in the whole US.

[She's just saying.]

But, she lives in New Orleans, so I suppose we can let them have their regional wins.

[toolatetochangethename]

Hmmmm, okay. But if we ever have a duel, Cassie gets to bring her ant.

[It's totally not cheating, but a girl with a dog-sized pet ant? That's got to tip any coolness basketball right into the net.]

[deathlessness]

[And Hope and Cassie would basically immediately become best friends and agree that adults are dumb.

To be frank, Hope would probably just be grateful to have a friend, period.]

Her ant?

[toolatetochangethename]

[ Adults are dumb. Scott should know, being one. ]

Yeah, it's like her pet.

On the plus, she wins every show and tell.

[deathlessness]

Just one ant? Not a farm of ants?

[Isn't that a thing for children? An ant farm?]

[toolatetochangethename]

Thank GOD there's only one. The neighbors would hate if there was a giant ant colony taking over the dog park.

He's kinda my fault, but hey, at least she has a pet.

[deathlessness]

[A long beat.]

How large is this ant?