entranceway | [video ]Just a normal dude being normal doot doot

[Okay, so, Wonderland. Got it. Cassie loved that book, especially the creepy stuff. His little girl, right there!

[Nothing too creepy yet, but, hey: he dropped acid in college: he's so ready.

[ No one knows who he is, and there are precisely ZERO Baskin-Robbins here (you bet your ass he checked) so his secret is safe. So this is his big chance, time to make a fresh start. Right. He's got this. Eye of the tiger. Be the change. He's sure there's a cliche for it.

[The point is, maybe this is a good thing. No, it is a good thing. He's got this. ]

So. Uh. Hi. [He managed a cheezy smile and car salesman's hand wave.]

I'm Scott....[Aaaand his mind goes blank. How do people do this? And why is the first thing that comes to mind 'and I'm totally not an ex-con'?

[It's not that hard, Scott. Just, you know, sound normal. Whatever you do, don't sound suspicious or like you're trying to hide anything. Because what do you have to hide, right? hahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhh.]

...and I'm completely normal. [NAILED. IT.]

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Wow, yeah. You've totally convinced me, zero follow up questions.

[ Henry can't help it, an eyebrow arched. ]

Any reason for that particular disclaimer? I'm Henry, by the way.

[Well that's inherently suspicious. But in an amusing way, more than anything else.]

In my experience, no one who's ever claimed that has actually been completely normal.

[Speaking as someone not-so-normal herself.]

[Seth can't help himself. It's Wonderland and really, he has to ask.]

So, just curious... This is your first time being human then?

[Shit! No, wait, this is just a bluff, right? Don't panic. Whatever you do, don't blurt out something stupid. ]

Hey, Henry. Nice to meet you and...your probing question.

Which is totally an unfounded accusation, by the way.

An accusation of what? Although, I have to say, not sounding less suspicious, Scott.

[ Still, Henry's smirking, not really that serious about it but boy is this fun so far. ]

Edited 2018-08-07 16:43 (UTC)

Well, sure. I mean, no one's completely normal. [He concedes the point. Especially considering his circle(s) of associates). ]

Or if they are, they're assholes. Like Jim.

Which I'm not, also. An asshole, I mean.

What?! [Seriously, what?]

No. I've always been human. 100% homo sapiens.

Despite what my ex thinks.

Duly noted. Though I'm not sure who this "Jim" is you're referring to.

[If it's a pop culture reference she kinda slept through the invention of movies, television and the internet so ... she's still got some catching up to do.]

An accusation of, you know, having something to hide.

Which I totally don't. [Just in case you forgot: totally normal guy here. ]

[Oh did he let that slip? Sorry, 'Jim Paxton' and 'asshole' just sort of run together in his brain a lot. Go figure.]

He's my ex's new...whatever. And he's a cop.

[See? Asshole. QED.]

No one is going to question that.

[ Steve is grinning when he answers. He doesn’t know Scott that well, but they did fight together, and he did kind of land him in jail. And while he also helped get him out he knows Scott is currently on house arrest back home. So he feels somewhat responsible for him. Because of course he does- who doesn’t Steve Rogers feel responsible for? The answer is no one. ]

Ahhhh.

[Oh good, she wasn't missing anything. Pop culture stuff oddly enough comes up a lot.]

Was it a bad break up?

[It seems like it obviously was, but maybe he wants to vent?]

[Well, this just got awkward. So much for no one here knowing him.

Still, it could be worse. Way worse. Aand he's just not going to jinx himself by even following that train of thought. ]

Wow. I didn't know you could, you know, even do that. Sarcasm, I mean.

Is there such a thing as a 'good' break up?

[Seriously.]

Honestly, though. I get why Maggie ditched me. That's fine. It's him I have a problem with.

[He thought Maggie had better taste than that!]

I don't know. I don't really have a lot of experience with the subject.

[Her last boyfriend before Keelin was murdered by her aunt. But sometimes amicable break ups exist? In theory? Do people ever end relationships due to mutual understandings?]

So it's more a matter of you thinking she deserves better.

Cult upbringing then? Naw, you still sound like it's your first day out of the box. Artificial intelligence wise. Which is okay. You wouldn't be the first robot here.

Definitely not the first nonhuman. We've had talking cats, giant pigeons - which should never be part of events, what even is being a damn bird - some aliens, and ... Yeah, lots of nonhumans.

Never once that new though.

I guess any guy that gets with you knows he's lucky enough to stick around.

...and I did not mean that as creepy as it came out. [No wonder Hank has that permanent eyeroll going whenever he talks to Scott. ]

But, [AHEM. Right. Back on track.] exactly. If she was gonna upgrade, well, Jim is not an upgrade.

D-do I sound like a robot?

[He's not so much arguing as curious. What the hell, man. This is clearly San Quentin's fault.]

I'm a person! An actual person! Like, all the time.

Where the hell are you from, though? {Because if that's normal to you, dude, you are the weird one, here.]

[She laughs, so at least there's that.]

I meant it more in the sense that I haven't had many relationships. But I appreciate the compliment?

[She's fairly certain it was meant to be one.]

Well, to you, maybe. But perhaps she sees something you don't.

[Because, you know, you're the ex.]

Yeah, uh, let's just forget that whole...words...ever happened.

[Walk it off, Scott. You've said dumb shit before.]

Yeah, I suppose. Actual job, stable income, uniform, cleft chin--If you're into that sort of thing. [Ugh. Okay when he says it like that, even he can see some points. ]

Already forgotten.

[Freya doesn't actually care about any of those things but her family is wealthy and they don't believe in jobs so ... whatever works for you, Maggie.]

If she's happy, that should be the thing that matters.

How can living with a neanderthal--however law-abiding--make you happy?

Seriously. He's got a unibrow. Like one big shelf of hair on his forehead.

[OK not really but...poetic license or something.]

Point is, he's still an asshole.

[ Perhaps the only person not to judge him: this gal. ]

Hi, Scott! I'm Leslie Knope, and I'm pretty new here, too. It's been a week, I think, and one thing I've learned? 'Normal' is definitely relative. Yesterday we were all birds! Literally, for real, we got turned into birds.

Funny things make people happy. But I will have to take your word for it in terms of his ... personality.

[Since, you know, she's stuck in Wonderland and has never met him.]

Yeah, well, not him. He shouldn't make anyone happy.

[Harrumph.]

He arrested me. I mean. Come on. WHO DOES THAT?

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