entranceway | [video ]Just a normal dude being normal doot doot

[Okay, so, Wonderland. Got it. Cassie loved that book, especially the creepy stuff. His little girl, right there!

[Nothing too creepy yet, but, hey: he dropped acid in college: he's so ready.

[ No one knows who he is, and there are precisely ZERO Baskin-Robbins here (you bet your ass he checked) so his secret is safe. So this is his big chance, time to make a fresh start. Right. He's got this. Eye of the tiger. Be the change. He's sure there's a cliche for it.

[The point is, maybe this is a good thing. No, it is a good thing. He's got this. ]

So. Uh. Hi. [He managed a cheezy smile and car salesman's hand wave.]

I'm Scott....[Aaaand his mind goes blank. How do people do this? And why is the first thing that comes to mind 'and I'm totally not an ex-con'?

[It's not that hard, Scott. Just, you know, sound normal. Whatever you do, don't sound suspicious or like you're trying to hide anything. Because what do you have to hide, right? hahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhh.]

...and I'm completely normal. [NAILED. IT.]

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[ Perhaps the only person not to judge him: this gal. ]

Hi, Scott! I'm Leslie Knope, and I'm pretty new here, too. It's been a week, I think, and one thing I've learned? 'Normal' is definitely relative. Yesterday we were all birds! Literally, for real, we got turned into birds.

[Someone seems waaaaay too perky.]

Uh huh. You didn't eat any weird mushrooms or anything, recently?

Ask anyone! Apparently, that happens a lot here? I dunno, I haven't been here long enough to know for sure.

And for the record, I've never done drugs. Well, I did think I ate a pot brownie once. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable, actually. I felt like I was floating. But, as it turns out there wasn't any pot in it at all, it was just an insanely good brownie.

What happens a lot here? Turning into birds?

Good to know. I can start making a list of cars I want to crap on.

[If it were back home, it'd be a LOOONG list. ]

Wow. Just. That must be one of those 'women and chocolate' things.

Maybe? More like weird things happen no one can explain, but we all have to go through them together.

[ Leslie just shrugs a little, like 'what can you do?' ]

Or someone's really great at making brownies. Anyway, welcome to Wonderland! There are brochures and stuff but it can still be kind of overwhelming. I can answer any questions, if you want. Or show you around?

Like prison, basically.

[Got it. Been there, done that, got punched by Peaches.]

I don't know. Now I want one of these brownies.

So, how long we stuck here for? Anyone not to piss off?

I've never been in a real prison, but sure, like prison. And I only wish I could grant you one of the most awesome brownies I've ever eaten. You should probably talk to Snow White. I met her and she's awesome and she bakes things.

[ Casual name drop. ]

Here's the thing. Uh...some people have been here for over five years and have never left. Some people are here for five days and disappear. But the really good news is that time doesn't move while we're here, so no one will ever know you left home.

Yeah, well, trust me. You bond, in prison.

[You also end up with sketchy roomies, but that's later.]

...well, the last one's good news. Pretty sure some pretty bad people would be highly pissed if I disappeared. [like the federal government.]

Oh, so have you been in prison?

[ She has nothing against people who have been in prison. Ron's been in prison! It'd just be kind of nice to know what she's working with, exactly. ]

Uh.

[Jesus, Scott. He's gonna need to ducttape his mouth shut.]

No? [If he phrases it as a question, it's not a lie, right? ]

I've watched a lot of prison documentaries on Netflix, though.

I engage with the public on a pretty daily basis and I've gotten really good at knowing when someone's definitely lying to me.

[ Her eyebrow arches at him but that's as far as she goes to calling him out. ]

Anyway, I think you'll find a lot of people here from a lot of different backgrounds. There are beings who aren't quite human, people from different centuries, people from places other than Earth. Whatever your background, I'm sure as long as you mean no one any harm, it'll be fine!

[Dammit. ]

Okay, look. I did a little, you know, time. And trust me, people are a LOT more judgmental than you think.

[ Like ex wives, ex wive's current boyfriends, employers...pretty much the only people who don't care are other felons and his daughter. ]

Look, Scott, I get it, and -

[ Suddenly Leslie just stops. Freezes. Her eyes go wide. And then she's...well, not quite yelling but her words are flying by and are not at all coherent. ]

You have...but it's...you can't. Bo...Newpo- how is this? What? I don't. It's just, you look -

[ She looks down, taking a few deep breaths and clearing her throat, trying to get out something that actually makes sense. ]

You have someone's face.

[ Nailed it. ]

[video ]Just a normal dude being normal doot doot

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