e x p e r i m e n t #01 (action/text)

[mviw]

[It's been at least several hours of dodging strangers in a mysterious garden belonging to the shifting architecture of a mansion that must've come right off the pages of a fairytale... or from a nightmare. Ford has tried everything to wake himself up from what he believes is a dream; perhaps a trap in which Bill has locked him away, or some pocket dimension, or what if he's even dead, or... or...

All he remembers is raising his hands to answer Bill's "riddle", a bright light, and extreme discomfort.

He scrubs his hand over his head and looks down at the unfamiliar device he found on his person not too long after he woke up.]

Come on, Stanford. He trapped you here. You have to wake up. This has to be a riddle, a game...

[If it's a game Bill wants, Ford decides he might have to play it long enough to wake up--just wake up--

He starts typing out a message, and reminds himself to trust no one. If he's been blasted to another dimension, it might actually be better than being locked in his own mind, but... if this is his own mindscape, it doesn't seem to fit. It's definitely something Mabel would come up with, but him? No.

What then, is it? Where is he?]

ATTENTION DENIZENS OF THIS REALM--

My name is Stanford Pines and I come in relative peace. I am attempting to communicate through this device. If you understand this language, please respond.

[That's ambiguous enough, and--] There. I drew my line in the sand.

[He pockets the numbered, lettered pad and sets out to explore.]

Comments

[mviw]

OH! Wonderful! I have an arrest record! So in the process of trying to bring me home, you ruined not just my life--again--but my entire identity! And the world is going to end!

[What a thing to tack on, but he's not lying--he's fuming and tempted to shut off the device and throw it as far as he can. He's already been a meat puppet and had his mind scoured and read and remembered by a creature of pure energy and chaos. This is the rotten cherry on top of the worst cake imaginable.

Ford cares about what happened to "Stanley Pines" you selfish asshole.]

[charlastan]

[Unfortunately, at the end of a long list of accusations like that, Stan can't possibly take mention of the world ending seriously. It just sounds like Ford being over-dramatic about his identity not being as spotless as it used to be.]

You're kidding, right? You wouldn't even be here to know you have an arrest record if it weren't for me! You'd still be be stuck on the other side of that damn portal! I dropped everything to save you and you can't even freakin' thank me for it!

[This is the second time Ford's been in Wonderland and Stan still can't believe what an ungrateful asshole he is. He crosses his arms and huffs.]

Besides, it's not like you were doin' anything with your identity. What, did I ruin your reputation of being a paranoid hermit who threatens trespassers with crossbows?

[mviw]

I wish you were from the same timeline so you could see what's happening back home, but I can't even be sure you'd care. Why should I thank you for setting that in motion? Why should I thank you after everything you ruined?

[Ford's anger is building on the shoulders of his desperation and worry.]

According to you, the kids are the only family you have left. If that's true, then you didn't rebuild the portal for me. You did it for yourself.

I have no obligation to thank you for that.

[charlastan]

[He should probably ask more about what's going on currently and what he's supposedly ruined, but that last bit trips him up too much. He's worked on that portal every day for the last thirty years. He's tried to learn how to break those stupid codes, taught himself a bit about physics, and threw away his entire identity just to get Ford back. Everything he's ever done in the last three decades he's done with Ford in mind.

All he's wanted was to be family again, so his jaw drops when Ford says otherwise. It...actually stung a lot to have that thrown in his face when he doesn't remember it.]

What? No, I didn't! That doesn't even make any sense! I'd never say somethin' like that! Honest!

[Stan's temper is legendary though, so if he was angry he might. If he'd just been told that his only reward for saving his brother was to be thrown out on the street again, he might. But Stan doesn't have memories of that. No one's mentioned a word about that arrangement to him at all. This all feels completely uncharacteristic of him.

So, that leaves one option in Stan's mind, and it's one that makes him glare hard at his brother. That hurt has quickly morphed into fury.]

What the hell's wrong with you?! I can't believe you'd seriously lie about my future just so you can win some dumb argument!

[That has to be it, because Stan would never. He'd never cut Ford out of his family like that. ...Right?]

[mviw]

[Ford's regret is immediate. It really isn't fair of him to hold that against Stan when he hasn't technically said that yet. For a moment, logic had gone out the window and he said something he wishes he could take back. It occurs to him that maybe that's exactly what happened in Ford's past and Stan's future.

What is he supposed to say? "You said it in the future"? Well. He did. Because of that arrangement.

He's not looking at the video. An uncomfortably icy calm settles over him, helped along by the chilly temperature.]

I'm not lying. I told you that as soon as the kids go back home, all the Mystery Shack nonsense would be over and you'd give me back my house.

You didn't take it well. You agreed on the condition that I'd stay away from Mabel and Dipper because they're the only family you have left. [Ford fixes his gaze on the video and his brother again. It's a grim look, but he's trying to push his anger away. It'll just make this worse.]

That was our deal. Later on, after some... ... accidental adventures, you decided to allow Dipper and I to spend some time together.

... Then you ran for mayor.

[He never meant to reveal this much, but after waking up from the nightmare back home to find himself here... he's disoriented. Off guard. None of this makes any sense and he wants to start researching it right away. His relief at seeing his family alive and unharmed was enough to open the door just a crack, but not enough to keep it from slamming shut again.

If this is a trap made by Bill, it's not a very convincing one.]

[charlastan]

[Stan's...uncharacteristically quiet as Ford explains himself, but it's not the kind of silence anyone would ever want from him. It's not his usual fiery rage - it's colder than the weather outside.

He's listening though. He listens to Ford tell him that he's kicking him out of the Shack after he saved him from who knows what on the other side of the portal. That he told Ford to stay away from the kids and then reneged on his end of the deal - probably because it's Ford, and they're his great niece and nephew too.

He doesn't need to ask to know that Ford hasn't budged on his end, and his expression tightens. He's still getting kicked out. That's it. All that work for a family who doesn't even care about him. Suddenly, he gets why he might have said Ford wasn't his family more - it's because he sure as hell isn't acting like it.

That quiet lasts a long time, until Ford's done explaining what happened and then a beat after that. Stan's still hurt and angry so...he rolls his eyes at it. At all of it.]

...Hmph. Like I'd ever run for office. Extensive criminal record, remember? And can you seriously picture me as some stuffy politician? If you're gonna lie to me, at least make it kinda believable.

[To be honest, he actually could see himself running for mayor, especially if he's apparently not going to have anywhere else to go. Gravity Falls is weird; he could probably swing it without getting into his criminal antics. That isn't the point though - the point is he has no proof and he's not sure he wants to take Ford's word for it at the moment. He kind of believes it, but he doesn't want to give in that easily. Why the hell should he let Ford off the hook when Ford just spent twenty minutes grilling him to see if he was really his brother?]

[mviw]

[... Honestly? He thought Stan would lash out again.

It's true. The quiet is worse. It means something's wrong, and at least half of it is Ford's fault. He remembers this from their childhood, and it plucks at the guilt he's buried deep.

Instead of elaborating on anything important, he just shrugs off Stan's accusation of lying by literally shrugging and referring to Stan's extremely brief political career.

He won't tell him that he gave the kids a tie to control Stan's mind which was a really awful thing to do. Innocent revenge? Perhaps. Does he think Stan would be a good politician if he could just think before speaking? Definitely.]

You did actually, and I think you were gonna win, but they found out about your extensive criminal record and your rap sheet was listed on the news.

Accusing me of lying might actually mean more if you didn't do it for a living.

[charlastan]

[Stan wants to hold onto that silent rage, but he just can't. He starts laughing.]

You-- you almost had me there, but there's no way in hell that's true. [He snickers and has to catch his breath.] Who the hell would vote for me? I've been scammin' everyone in Gravity Falls outta their money for years! They'd sooner chase me outta town with pitchforks! That's a good one though. [Pfft.] A for effort, Poindexter.

[It's so unbelievable to him that he keeps laughing and laughing. He's not even trying to be cruel any more. Him coming close to winning the election at all is more unbelievable than him actually running for office. Even though he'd just been thinking he could maybe swindle the town into voting for him, hearing that they actually did is too much for him to believe. Eventually his laughter dies down though and he addresses the rest.]

Yeah, well - just means I'm good at spottin' a lie when I hear one. You can't con a con man, Ford.

[mviw]

[Ford hunches down a bit while he's getting laughed at for telling the truth.]

I'm not trying to con you! The Gravity Falls election has--I don't know, I didn't really pay attention--a few debates and on the final one, the crowd does something with birdseed to attract eagles. A mayor hasn't been elected in almost 100 years. You even had help from the kids.

[Now Ford's the one folding his arms. He's trying to be honest here!]

If you don't want to believe me, that's fine, but I'm not trying to swindle you into anything. I'm cold, in another dimension that isn't my home again, and I don't have time to find cheap laughs at someone's expense amusing.

[charlastan]

Stop, stop! I'm gonna tear my sides open if I keep laughin' this hard! [Which doesn't stop him from continuing to laugh like a jerk.] Eagles, really? That's weird even by Gravity Falls standards, and you can legally marry a woodpecker there!

[...Alright, no, legally marrying a woodpecker might still be weirder, but it's a pretty close call. Ford getting so huffy about him laughing at this really obvious lie though is sort of a buzzkill though, so Stan rolls his eyes again and shoos him off with one hand.]

Yeah, yeah. I know. You're prolly busy tryin' to find someone to tell you everything I already told you earlier so you can actually believe it. I get it.

[He's well aware of the hypocrisy and he doesn't care even a little.]

[mviw]

I'm not surprised that a con man wouldn't know the truth if it hit him in the face.

[DON'T TEMPT HIM, STANLEY.]

And I'm already going to meet up with Dipper.

[charlastan]

[Absolutely nothing about this surprises Stan, including him insisting con men don't know what the truth looks like. He just shakes his head and rolls his eyes, because for once Ford's wrong and he's right - he could spot a lie a mile away.]

Yeah, you do that. I'm sure the kid's prolly got a guided tour lined up already for the Author of the Journals.

[Now that Dipper's already met Ford, Stan's willing to bet he's been waiting for this to happen. Not that Stan cares. He definitely doesn't care! The two of them can go be gigantic nerds together somewhere else.]

[mviw]

Oh please. Dipper wouldn't do that. [... Would he? How many people here know that Ford exists...] The kid's enthusiastic but he's not a showoff.

[charlastan]

[Snerk.] What, you think you know him better than I do now? He'll be bouncin' on his heels the second he sees you, ready to drag you around and show off everything he knows about the place. Betcha he's got speeches ready and everything.

[Dipper is absolutely a showoff. To be honest, Stan doesn't actually think it's a bad quality - he's mostly just jealous because Dipper clearly has a favorite Grunkle and it isn't him.]

[mviw]

[He sighs, irritated that Stan is... right. Sort of.]

I meant he doesn't do it for attention. There's nothing wrong with sharing what you're interested in with your family and being excited to learn new things.

[charlastan]

Never said he was, smart ass. Not surprised you're still constantly assumin' the worst of me though.

[Because of course he is, especially after all the things Stan's learned about the future today.]

[mviw]

[He looks surprised by that, but on second thought he knows he shouldn't be.]

That is not what I meant either, Stanley. I was correcting the implications of what I had already-- [He sighs. No. This is just going in circles, he's cold, and he's waiting for Dipper. Ford doesn't want Dipper or Mabel to see them fighting like this.]

Never mind. I shouldn't try to explain because I know you won't believe me, and I don't wanna fight in front of the kids.

[And whoever else is watching...]

[charlastan]

[Stan rolls his eyes. Like the kids don't know they've been fighting like cats and dogs. To him it just sounds like an excuse to get away, but he'll let Ford take it. Otherwise he might start feeling bad about acting like he didn't believe Ford, and he doesn't want to.]

Yeah, yeah. Have fun on your nerd tour. I've got stuff to do anyway.

[So obviously it doesn't bother him that Ford can't take his word for what's going on around here and has to get the scoop from a twelve year old. It's not like he would've dropped everything to show Ford around if he'd wanted. Clearly Stan has other things to do and Ford can just figure this all out himself if he's not gonna listen to him! He pauses though, deciding if he should tack on one last detail. Ultimately, he does.]

...We've been stayin' up on the third floor. I've got Room 17; the kids have 16. Y'know, if you need us.

[But Ford doesn't, and he probably won't, and Stan doesn't want to hear him say it, so he shuts off the camera before he can.]

[mviw]

... Stan--

[...It's too late. He stares at the screen feeling mostly empty, except for his frustration and all his worries. He carries those around with him everywhere.

Hang up on him, sure. Fine. Ford doesn't want to think about Stan saving him. Existence could rip itself apart all because his brother wanted him back--really, because Ford made a literal deal with a devil. He'd like to blame that on Stan too, and God knows he's tried; if he'd gone to the university he'd wanted, he'd never have summoned Bill, and there wouldn't be any danger. If Stan could just let Ford go-- if Stan could-- do this. Do that. Kept his nose out of Ford's business...

It's a decades-long cover with Ford knowing his own actions, and inaction, are really to blame. If he didn't feel that way, if he didn't know it's his own goddamn fault, he'd be able to sleep at night.

... Doesn't matter. It's too late. Ford doesn't want to think about all that now. Instead he wraps himself in the grandiose guise of adventure and the pursuit of knowledge, which is just the kind of cloak that lets him pretend there are never times when he still feels like a six-fingered friendless freak facing down someone bigger, stronger, and better.

There's more important things, now. He's waiting to speak to someone he can actually trust. The only person he can trust.

...

Ford is hoping that isn't a mistake either.]