entranceway | video } the city is a nightmare a horrible dream

video } the city is a nightmare a horrible dream

[Dipper always looks a little on the paranoid and overtired side, but he looks especially bad today. Amazing how much harder it is to sleep when the very reason you have trouble sleeping in the first place is actually here and likely to torment your nightmares if you dare close your eyes. Not that staying awake forever is an option. Dipper just wishes it was. He starts the feed, then sits, back, looking grim.]

Hey. Dipper and Ford Pines here. You might have noticed the super weird triangle thing that came up recently? Well, that's not a what. That's a who. [A beat.] And… also a what, actually.

[Ford doesn’t look much better either. His brow is furrowed and his expression, grave.] That super weird triangle thing is a dream demon known as ‘Bill Cipher’. He is incredibly powerful and incredibly dangerous. Now I’m sure some of you will take this as a challenge-- How bad can he be? Right? [He shrugs airily, but abruptly points at the camera.]

Wrong. Bill is most powerful in the mindscape; a mental realm between dimensions. He can read your mind and inhabit your dreams and he is chaos incarnate. He may be charming, but above all else he is a liar and a monster.

[Dipper raises a finger.] Also? Don't make a deal with him. He will lie to you and cheat you out of your end and then he'll possess you and do terrible things to and with your body. [Terrible, terrible things. Dipper rubs his arm.]

But good news? He can't possess you if you don't deal with him, and without a corporeal form he's pretty limited in what damage he can do. Still got the omniscience and nightmares to contend with, but who hasn't had to deal with a few nightmares? [It's fine. He's fine.]

[Ford puts a comforting hand on Dipper’s shoulder.] If you happened to follow his instructions and you drew a triangle with an eye, I suggest you destroy that paper immediately--preferably by burning it. If you can help it, do NOT engage! I cannot stress that enough. Do not be a fool just because you think you can handle yourself. It’s not worth the risk.

[Dipper nods firmly.] If he contacts you? Let us know. If he… takes an interest in you or something, definitely let us know. We're experts on dealing with him. We can help. We can also answer any questions you might have. To the extent that there are answers, anyway. There are still definitely more questions.

[He gives a serious nod, glances up at Ford, then looks into the camera.]

That's it for now, Wonderland. Stay safe, and come to us with any questions.

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[Ugggh that's not a lie he's going to be able to come back from. Rick, unlike most of the people he tricks on a daily basis, is not an idiot. He'll hold onto that information, and it could potentially be a huge problem for them if he actually decides to try and stop him.

And boy he WANTS to yell at Ford, but...he doesn't have it in him.]

Nah. It's not really satisfyin' when you're already this low, y'know? [There's a certain kind of annoying Ford can be where yelling at him would make Stan feel better, but when he's like this he's already kicking himself down more than Stan ever could.] Look, with him we'll just have to, I dunno. We'll figure it out. Change our angle now that's he's already deep in this with us so he sticks around until it's done, or somethin'.

[Because honestly it would really suck to lose him now, when they're almost done with the damn thing. The bit about Dipper gives him pause though, and then he laughs.]

Dipper? C'mon, there's no way that kid could ever hate you. You're practically his hero!

I think... we won't have to worry too much about Rick. He wants to get out of here just as much as we do. It's different with Dipper. You weren't there, Stan, he...

[...and Ford recounts with more detail what happened, from the swearing and what Ford said to it, to Ford's basic explanation in the hopes that it might tide Dipper over, to taking the journal and being tackled for it, to the very end.]

... I'm not his hero anymore. It would be best if I pretended you're the only family I have here because I'm sure the kids won't want anything to do with me after this.

I wanted to protect people, but instead I put them in danger--by helping with the portal, and by telling them about Bill.

[Ford takes a wavering pause and swallows. When he speaks, his voice is tight.]

Dipper is right, Stanley. Everything at home-- it's my fault. Our universe is falling apart.

I... [he lets out a low sigh.] I can't protect anyone. You were right. I am a dangerous know-it-all.

Edited 2016-06-16 20:13 (UTC)

[Stan listens to the story, and even he has to admit that's kind of rough.]

He swore at you? Ha! Kid's never had the guts to do that to me before!

[Maybe Stan is better at channeling their old man in that respect. Stan's pretty sure that he could swear at their father's grave and it'd be enough to make him rise from the dead and give him a glare stern enough to actually kill him.

As Ford goes on though, it's more than apparent that now isn't the time to brag about that (though he was mostly joking anyway). He lets Ford get it all out before he sighs again. This is all weirdly familiar. Sure they weren't dealing with stupid demon triangles and great-nephews back then, and sure things weren't as bad for either of them when they were younger, but this isn't the first time Ford's taken something bad and let it just spiral until he's practically blaming himself for breathing.

It reignites something protective in Stan.]

...You're just tryin' too hard, that's all. That's what you always do. That's not sayin' you shouldn't try, but when you when you make it all or nothing like that, you're just settin' yourself up to fail - and believe me, I know a lot about that.

[It's supposed to be a joke, but it doesn't really feel like one.]

Sure, Dipper's pissed off, and maybe he should be, but the second the kid knocks you off the stupid pedestal he put you on, you act like "welp, that's it. I screwed up. Guess I don't have a nephew now. Time to avoid him forever." That's a terrible idea, and you know it's a terrible idea, you Knucklehead.

[He pauses for a second. Something still doesn't feel right about this, and he figures it out in that beat.] ...You're wallowing in your room now, right? I'm comin' over.

[He says it like it's not up for debate. Deal with it, Ford.]

[Ford huffs, he has so many things to say, and it's probably better that they don't come because a part of him knows Stan is right and it stings. Then of course, that last part--it catches him off guard.

Really, he shouldn't be shocked at strange things happening today.]

Stanley.... ... Fine, but don't be offended when I ask to see your eyes. And bring Freeloader.

Why, are you gonna check Freeloader's eyes too? 'Cause there's a pretty good chance he might claw your nose if you stick your face too close.

[Freeloader is not a very well-behaved kitten, and it makes Stan laugh because he's not a very responsible cat dad.]

But yeah, whatever, I'll be there soon.

If that cat pees on my carpet, you're going to clean it up.

[ >8( Ford hangs up. It's the nicest hang-up Stan's ever had.]

[It takes Stan a good twenty minutes to get there, not because he's putting it off but because wrangling the kitten proved to be harder than previously anticipated. It decided to take this as a game and ran off every time Stan got within two feet of him. Eventually though, Stan manages to grab him (and only gets a few new scratches for his trouble).

Eventually he gets there though, and he knocks a couple times. The kitten is secure in one hand (because he's just a little too ornery today for free rides in Stan's suit) but he's sure wriggling around a lot.]

Ford? It's me!

[You know, the guy who just said he was coming by.]

[Ford unlocks the usual series of locks and opens the door. He wants to be relieved, but first:]

Eyes. [He holds up a little flashlight and clicks it on.]

[Stan roooolls his eyes, but he doesn't protest. He's himself. For once in his life he's got nothing to hide.]

Yeah, yeah. So am I good to come in or what?

... Yes alright, fine. [He lets Stan in and locks the door. He and his room look like shit and the smell of whiskey lingers on his breath. In the corner, Lee ruffles his feathers and pokes his head out of his roost only to tuck his head under his wing again. Archimedes is sleeping on the table.]

I thought about what you said, and I don't want to be on a pedestal in Dipper's eyes. It was nice for a while, but that kid has a lot to learn.

... And so do I. I can't believe I said I wasn't impressed. What am I, Dad?

[Those animals look so peaceful. Too bad the second Stan puts Freeloader down, he runs in circles around their feet and then immediately sets about trying to figure out how to get up on the table to bother Archimedes.

Stan ignores this and makes himself comfortable. The room's a mess and Ford's a mess and clearly he's done the right thing by forcing Ford to let him come over. He snickers a little at the comparison.]

Please. You're not even remotely intimidating enough to be Dad.

[Weirdly, he kind of means it as a compliment, though there was a time when it probably wouldn't have been one.]

Look, eventually this'll all blow over. Dipper can't stay mad at you forever. You're--

["His family", he almost says, before he remembers Ford stayed pretty fucking mad for almost fifty years (counting portal time). So, at the last moment, he switches gears.]

--I mean, just look at me! The kid knows I'm a notorious liar, but he usually forgives me at the end of the day. ...Or the week. Whatever, the point is I'm sure he'll give you another shot. Besides, we're doin' the right thing here, even if it pisses off the kids.

Edited 2016-06-19 03:54 (UTC)

[...That IS a compliment, mostly. It would have been nice if he was intimidating enough to get the point across though. To his family. Who now hates him in all likelihood.]

Stanley, he expects you to lie. He trusted me. It won't blow over.

[Ford doesn't look at Stan as he suddenly pushes Journal #3 at him.]

You shouldn't have to use the photocopied one. Take the real thing.

[He doesn't want to see it anymore.]

[Stan rolls his eyes at that (even though he knows damn well it's true). Before he can comment on it though, Ford's shoving the third journal at him.]

What? No! I don't need it. If you don't want it, the give the stupid thing back to Dipper!

[And he shoves it back at Ford. The binder's good enough for him, especially since Stan's aware that isn't what this is about.]

Dipper doesn't want it and neither do I! Take the damn book, Stanley.

[He shoves it at Stan. He's not having any of this.]

No! You're both actin' like a couple twelve-year-olds. [A pause.] ...Thirteen. Whatever. Point is, I'd bet you anything he's gonna want it back eventually.

[He doesn't care if Ford's having any of it, he's shoving the journal back at him.]

You want to make that a real wager, Stan? If you do, be aware that it's one you are going to lose. [He pushes it at Stan again.]

If he wants it back eventually, I will personally go on the network and tell everyone that you are better at chess than I am.

Please, I've never lost a bet in my life.

[Says the man who literally lost a bet a few weeks ago to a teenager, with all the confidence in the world.]

And if he doesn't want it back eventually, I'll uh. [Hm...] I'll go on the network and publicly apologize for runnin' around with your name when I first got here. How's that?

Hah! You lost a bet to a teenager. You didn't think those would be the real terms, did you?

He has to say he wants it back, and he can't want it back because he needs it for the contents, or because he wants to impress someone, or because he's bored, or because he thinks I don't deserve to have it and he's afraid I am an evil villain waiting to destroy another universe with it. He also can't want it back in order to try and dismantle the portal, which I suspect he'll try and we should stop that from happening because he will get himself hurt.

So.

He has to want it back for sentimental value and he has to admit it.

[Heh.] Didn't you lose a bet to Mabel too?

Those bets didn't count - from here on out, I've never lost a bet in my life.

[Ford does his best to close the loopholes, sure, but Stan almost laughs when he notices Ford didn't close the biggest one.]

But yeah, sure. That shouldn't be too hard - except, I'm addin' a condition. He doesn't have to say it say it, as long as it's clear why he wants it. [This time he does laugh a little.] You know us Pines men and how much we hate admittin' we're sentimental suckers.

[Plus, pushing that too hard turns it into trying to make Dipper admit he was wrong, and that's not what he's going for here. That won't fix a damn thing.]

So, we got a deal, Poindexter?

[Ford glares at Stan and mulls this over. This seems like a bad idea, but not entirely terrible.]

Only on the condition that if Dipper makes it clear he doesn't want the journal, that's the end of it--the end of "eventually." I don't want to push him, and if the kid wants to be respected then I'll respect that decision.

If you agree, then we have a deal.

[And there it goes, and there goes Stan's smug face right along with it.]

Aw, come on!

[Stan stubbornly crosses his arms and frowns and suddenly it's like they're ten years old again, making dumb bets and nit-picking the terms as much as they possibly can. He mulls it over for a moment, but eventually he groans.]

Ugh, fine! Deal! I don't need a fail safe to win this bet anyhow!

[Except honestly, he's not as confident without it...but, he can at least act the part. He's good at that.]

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video } the city is a nightmare a horrible dream

audio; THE LOCK STRUCK ONE, THE MOUSE RAN DOWN, HICKORY DICKORY DOCK

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